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There are currently 54 responses to “Save me from baby shower hell!”

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1. 1 On November 6th, 2009, CTJen said:

   Two words: Blessing Way.

   Godspeed to you…

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:30 pm

2. 2 On November 6th, 2009, JoGeek said:

   Oh ye gods, at my SIL’s baby shower I clung to my brother’s sleeve as the men headed out to the bar and begged him, “take me with you! Don’t leave me here with the Estrogen!!!”

   I don’t think there’s a traditional baby shower game outside of “everyone but the pregnant chick drink” that I can participate in without gritting my teeth. Personally, considering the nature of the situation, I’d love to see a baby shower a la sex toy party (like tupperware but with overpriced adult fare), then play Seven Deadly Sins afterwards (like dirty trivial pursuit meets truth or dare). So many of the classic baby shower games are infantalizing for adult women.

   Sorry, I’m curmudgeony today

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:35 pm

3. 3 On November 6th, 2009, Michelle said:

   At my cousin’s baby shower, the hostess printed out baby gift bingo cards, where the spaces had things like “blanket” and “cloth diapers” on them. As the mother-to-be opened the gifts, we marked them off on our cards. I wouldn’t call it feminist or empowering, but it has to be better than anything called “the poopy diaper game”.

   I wish I could be more help. When my group of friends throws baby showers and wedding showers, the men are invited and the only activities are opening gifts, eating good food, and hanging out. I’m not sure how to stop a nauseating estrogen fest if that’s what all the guests are showing up expecting, you know? Especially if that’s what your sister-in-law wants.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:42 pm

4. 4 On November 6th, 2009, Melissa Pearson said:

   With regards to the gender role business I think it totally depends on how it is handled. I am 9 months pregnant right now and I really enjoy hearing the woman stories about birthing and breastfeeding and such. My husband doesn’t care so much. I think for me I feel like those two things are something that only women can do (well, men can breastfeed but it is a lot of work to get that going) and so I feel a little I am woman hear me roar about it. Bridal showers in our family are a chance to bond and share experience. I also don’t go for the smoosh the chocolate in the diaper type games either though.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:45 pm

5. 5 On November 6th, 2009, Carmen said:

   Something I would do if I were nutty enough to throw someone a shower would be to buy a bag of assorted size/shape glass beads and have people take at least one and up to 5. Then everyone adds a bead onto a thread as they do something like share something they wish they would have known or tell the mom to be something they love about her.

   Everything is about the baby – do something for the mom.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:47 pm

6. 6 On November 6th, 2009, Bree said:

   Besides the non-threatening baby bingo, there’s one where you’re given a clothespin or safety pin and the word baby is not allowed. If you hear someone say baby, you collect their pin and the one with the most pins is the winner. Not exactly feminism at its finest, but not as cutesy or nauseating as the poopy diaper, or even worse, the game where you’re asked questions about the mom, with the hostess not realizing not all guests invited really know the person of honor that well.

   Hang in there Rachel. I don’t envy you—most of my friends are over 40 and either have grown kids or not planning to have them at all!

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

7. 7 On November 6th, 2009, K said:

   I *like* the idea of all-women baby showers. It’s rare that women get to celebrate something so uniquely female as giving birth and bringing life into the world. Typically, anything feminine or female is treated as “less than”, so these parties are good. I wish they were a bit more substantial than just making a stupid hat out of ribbons or whatnot, but the revolution has to start somewhere.

   I’m very feminist. I do NOT like the reinforcement of traditional gender roles. I DO like, however, celebrating womanhood and girly stuff, simply because it’s so often degraded. When people try to end “reinforcing gender roles”, so often the feminine/female side of the stuff is what gets the shaft, and that really, really sucks. In a genderless society, we’d all be male, until women and our traditional role get some value.

   I also am pretty uncomfortable with something about this post. You seem to want to change everything about the female activity to make it more inviting to the beer-chugging dudes. Why? Why can’t a bunch of men come and celebrate the birth of this baby without there being FOOTBALL and BEER and obnoxiosly large TV? It’s not like their manhood is in danger if the eat a tea sandwich and look at baby clothes.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

8. 8 On November 6th, 2009, Rachel said:

   Everything is about the baby – do something for the mom.

   Exactly. Being ever the cool aunt, I’ve bought tons for the baby already, but I plan on giving my SIL a gift certificate to a local salon/spa as her baby shower gift.

   I’m not quite sure if my SIL really wants all the traditional baby shower gushiness or if it’s just what my mom wants. I made the invitations and I’m making the cake. The rest is all her.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 5:56 pm

9. 9 On November 6th, 2009, K said:

   I also wanted to add – some of your language seems to be a bit anti-feminist. “Nauseating estrogen fest”? I don’t think that a room full of women is such a bad thing. I also don’t think that you meant it that way, but yeah, maybe it’s something to think about.

   posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:00 pm

10. 10 On November 6th, 2009, JeanC said:

    Can’t help you on the games thing, blessedly all the baby showers I’ve been to have been void of such games and usually co-ed.

    I usually take a gift basket of goodies for the mom to be. Usually lotions, bath salts and the like.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:11 pm

11. 11 On November 6th, 2009, Melissa said:

    I agree with a gift for mom if you can! But honestly when I had my baby shower I said I didn’t care if guys came and it was pretty non traditional, I had it after Hayden was born and we made it more like a birthday party than a shower. There was no beer drinking with flat screen tv’s in the basement and there was NO baby games like that. It was come eat, talk, presents now leave thanks!

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:13 pm

12. 12 On November 6th, 2009, Sid said:

    I was forced to attend my SiL’s baby shower as well. I managed to keep my cool by:
    a) avoiding the games entirely in the guise of “refreshing the beverages/foods”
    b) being “list maker” during the present opening. The pen and paper meant I didn’t have to ooh and ahh, because this was CLEARLY srs bzns.

    Both made me look helpful and present without having to do anything that made me want to die of shame or discomfort.

    Unfortunately, there was no escape from the comments of my mom’s hen friends who let me know in no uncertain terms that “When it’s your turn, we’re SO throwing your shower! Won’t that be wonderful!? ? ?” They mean SO WELL, but there was so much WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS that I didn’t know where to begin and just brushed them off as politely as possible.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:14 pm

13. 13 On November 6th, 2009, Cleric at Large said:

    Best baby shower I ever attended was hosted by a midwife, who really understood that the process bringing babies into the world is not cute.

    We were all invited to bring a bead, and they were strung on a necklace for the mom-to-be, each with a story about why we had chosen that bead to share with her. She was encouraged to pack the necklace in her hospital bag, so that all our prayers and hopes and best wishes would be there with her through labour and delivery.

    I gotta tell ya, nuthin’ helps me get over my sorrow that my friends didn’t throw me a baby shower like hearing about other peoples’.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:20 pm

14. 14 On November 6th, 2009, Nicole said:

    I have only been to one shower where games were involved, and I think people really hated it. My own shower was a simple, late-afternoon hors d’ouevres and sparkling juice affair. We all sat around a table and talked. I loved it and I think the guests did too. When I hosted a shower once, we brought plain white onesies and drew on them with markers as a keepsake. New parents can always use onesies, and it was fun to do them. We had couples at that one, not just women.

    Bottom line–I don’t think you NEED shower games to have a successful shower. Really. People have plenty to talk about and if a simple activity (NOT a game) is included, no one needs to worry about being left out.

    You have my sympathy if games are mandatory.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:36 pm

15. 15 On November 6th, 2009, Sandy said:

    How about baby poker? LOL Everyone contribute x amount (say like 5$ a piece) and whoever wins gets half and the couple gets the other half for whatever comes up that they need that they didn’t get at the shower (there is always something even if it is something as simple as Tylenol). It will encourage the guys to be there, too since that will make it not all “ooh look at the blankets/booties/bibs/etc” and give them something to do. At mine the guys were there, they brought gifts related to DH, but they played horseshoes out back. LOL

    I always thought the party games were silly anyway and hated when I had showers (2 baby showers and a bridal shower). Come to think of it…Poker might be a good idea since I have quite a few friends pregnant and will be invited to their showers in coming months….

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:38 pm

16. 16 On November 6th, 2009, Mary said:

    Baby shower games suck ass. I hated them before I had kids, I hated them when I was pregnant and I hate them now. My favorite baby showers have been mixed-gender, no-game-playing relaxed-atmosphere events.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

17. 17 On November 6th, 2009, Sarah said:

    Well I think the best thing to do would be to have a balance between intimate baby/mother-role conversation and then a lighter, relaxed visiting aspect. Because hopefully there will be people there that you do like, and how often would you have the opportunity to get together?

    An activity that I find would be far more empowering, yet might give the chance for people to have their input is to get the guests to write on separate pieces of paper each question 1. What they wish for the mother/couple 2. What they wish for the baby 3. What advice they can give to the new mother/couple (You can elaborate on these sorts of questions) and then put all the papers together on one page of a scrapbook or something. Or as a variation (depending on how craft-friendly the group is) you could have all the questions on one page for the group to decorate themselves with supplies at hand. Either way, then you can make a keepsake and have some quality group time without being some pin-the-binky on the baby game.

    Perhaps for some side interest you can combine it with a vegetarian potluck too. Personally I’m not vegetarian but I think it makes for more creative cooking.

    I’ll try to think up some more ideas later. I hope my thoughts were useful!

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 6:56 pm

18. 18 On November 6th, 2009, Melanie said:

    Don’t have any suggestions, but I offer my sympathies! I’ve never understood what the point of a baby shower is. You’ve got about 9 months where people can congratulate the parents(it shouldn’t just be the mom). And I don’t see why they’re usually only women participating. Just hang out with everyone and give the baby and mom gifts. Maybe even one or two for the dad.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 8:20 pm

19. 19 On November 6th, 2009, Amy said:

    My favorite baby shower activity is “decorate the onesies”. Have a bunch of onesies in a variety of sizes and lots of fabric paint and fabric markers and let the guests show their creativity. Onesies are great no matter the season and with a variety of sizes can be used for long time. Some guests get super into this and other not so much but it is far better than the lunatic games.

    On single gender showers. I am still irritated with my mother 8 years later that she refused to invite my husband to the baby shower she gave me. I find it offensive that the father is excluded from these events. I am also still irritated with myself that I gave in and went to the shower even though it was not at all what I wanted.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 8:45 pm

20. 20 On November 6th, 2009, Bree said:

    If I were getting married or having a baby, I’d WANT my fiance/father of the baby to be at the shower, opening gifts and experiencing the event like all the other women, not excluded or heralded to some man-cave. Now, if he didn’t want to participate, that’s one thing, but to ignore him outright is pretty rude.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 8:51 pm

21. 21 On November 6th, 2009, Alyssa (The 40 year-old) said:

    I HATE baby showers! My own was the first one I ever went to. The gifts were great, lol, and having family and friends there was awesome (Hubby and his buds were also there), but the games were, well, annoying. And the showers I’ve been to since? Oy.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 9:01 pm

22. 22 On November 6th, 2009, Rachel said:

    I also wanted to add – some of your language seems to be a bit anti-feminist. “Nauseating estrogen fest”? I don’t think that a room full of women is such a bad thing.

    A room full of women isn’t a bad thing. A room full of women playing games that are not only infantilizing but also reinforce traditional gender roles in which motherhood is held up as the aspirational ideal of all women is an estrogen fest. Smelling diapers filled with melted candy bars in a facsimile of baby poo makes it a nauseating estrogen fest.

    I also am pretty uncomfortable with something about this post. You seem to want to change everything about the female activity to make it more inviting to the beer-chugging dudes. Why? Why can’t a bunch of men come and celebrate the birth of this baby without there being FOOTBALL and BEER and obnoxiosly large TV? It’s not like their manhood is in danger if the eat a tea sandwich and look at baby clothes.

    Actually, I hate football and I don’t drink and would probably be just as uncomfortable downstairs as I would be upstairs. I do feel however, think that the guys should be involved and that showers should NOT to be seen as a silly, frou frou women’s thing that guys attend out of obligation if at all. A baby shower is ostensibly a celebration of a baby’s impending arrival and a time when friends and family help the expectant parents-to-be prepare for their little bundle of joy. So, (assuming the father is in the picture) why should it be a strictly feminine affair?

    And, please? My post was meant sarcastically and light-heartedly. Let’s not be too literal about this. It’s all in good fun.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 9:07 pm

23. 23 On November 6th, 2009, merri said:

    Ive been to two baby showers. The first one, we just went to the parents house and had snacks and opened presents. It was mostly women, and they gushed over the gifts…but there was noplace for the guys to go in such a small apartment so they (and me too lol) lingered along the wall. No weirdo games though. My friend, the mom, was properly scared of such weird activities and banned them. The second one was also mostly women, and this time was at a tea party restaurant. We got to eat and chat and then opened presents. No games because this mom didn’t want them either. But if your SIL wants stuff like that, then I guess she should have it, although I’d be really scared to go to such a party. And I don’t think there is any way of getting the guys to come out of the basement if the women are playing those games, since half the women would probably rather be in the basement as well. But if it’s a normal party with gifts, then guys would feel more comfy being there, even if it is an estrogen-soaked activity. Oh and both times I made sure to get little gifts for my friends, the moms, as well, that were not baby related.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

24. 24 On November 6th, 2009, Rachel said:

    My favorite baby shower activity is “decorate the onesies”.

    Ohhh, but I already made the bestest onesie of them via Cafepress. Check it:

    

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 9:11 pm

25. 25 On November 6th, 2009, Micco said:

    I know three people who have had babies: a friend, a sister, and a co-worker. The friend had her baby at fifteen and thus felt too young and self-conscious to throw a baby shower. The sister threw a nauseating number (actually, three nauseating numbers – but I only attended one) that involved weird details like toilet paper and appetizers I couldn’t eat. The coworker organized something that was multi-gendered and multi-generational experience that she looked at more as of a last hurrah, less of a “ZOMG U R PUSHING MELON OUT YR VAGINA LIFEZ AMZNG” party. The coworker didn’t want the frill and fuss (and overwhelming femininity) of a traditional baby shower, but she still wanted the insight, the loot, and the opportunity to savor her friends in a way that she won’t be able to again for a long while. I think that is a proper baby shower.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

26. 26 On November 6th, 2009, TuffyRox said:

    I’m totally with K on enjoying and appreciating all-woman events sometimes. To me, it’s a feminist thing to value time spent around other women. So I think it’s appropriate for a baby shower to be an opportunity to celebrate and bond among women if that’s what the parents-to-be want. I’ve got no problem with co-ed showers, but would prefer all women if it were my shower.

    I’ve co-hosted several showers in the past few years and we played a lot of games… my circle of friends is into games in general so coming up with good games was a big part of planning the showers. I don’t like the infantile games either and am a little dismayed to see how many people dislike shower games in general – I hate to think I’ve forced something annoying on people. My favorite game has been a celebrity baby name matching game – match the celeb with the wacky name they gave their kid. Also, Mad Libs can be fun if you write a personalized story for the mom-to-be. Baby Taboo! can be fun too. If you’re not familiar with Taboo!, it’s a game where a word is written on a card and you try to get your team to guess the word without saying the other 4-5 words on the card. I made up about 25 baby-related Taboo! cards and we played in teams. Or Baby Pictionary. Best of luck!

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 10:07 pm

27. 27 On November 6th, 2009, Electrogirl said:

    Ha, talk about timing. My mom, sister, and I are currently in the home stretch of preparing a baby shower for my cousin! All three of us detest the usual shower games and cutesy schlock. Therefore we are having afternoon tea, complete with china, tea sandwiches, and scones. Adults only. There’s one girl who keeps wanting to bring her 11-month old kid; I dearly hope that my aunt managed to put her foot down there and convince this person that there will be no exceptions to the ‘adults only’ rule. (Aunt P. is in charge of RSVPs and fielding questions/issues from the guests, since she knows these people better than we do.) No games, just drink tea, eat, chat, ooh and ahh over any gifts that people brought for Cousin J. This is her second baby, so presents are optional. Tea party with a pregnant guest of honor.

    I’m actually having fun doing my bit, the baked goods. It’s an excuse to bake large quantities of full strength shortbread and scones, and there will be a crowd of people to praise me on my baking prowess. I do enjoy baking for its own sake, but compliments make it even better! That sounds awful, but it’s true.

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 11:33 pm

28. 28 On November 6th, 2009, Samantha said:

    Oh honey I feel for you… that to me is my version of hell.
    I’ve only been to one baby shower before & it was more of just a regular party. Men & women were there & the mom opened presents like it was a birthday.
    Also, we played one game where you tie a paper plate to your head & try to draw a baby. Dopey fun, but fun for everyone?

    posted on November 6th, 2009 at 11:42 pm

29. 29 On November 7th, 2009, Suzanne said:

    Oh, god. The only thing worse than a baby shower is a bridal shower. Or rather, in neither case is it the shower that I hate–it’s the little “games” and “activities.”

    Worst one ever: At my cousin’s baby shower, I and the other guests were asked to write letters to the fetus. Mine went like this: “Dearest fetus. Uhhhhh. Sup?”

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 12:21 am

30. 30 On November 7th, 2009, June said:

    Two words: RUN AWAY.

    

    Why not let the estrogen fest enjoy itself, play along for as long as you can, and slip off to beer drinking and smack-talking when it gets to be too much? That’s what I do at parties. Normally I’d be all up for feminist-ing up a party, but when babies are concerned, it’s pretty impossible. Sometimes you just have to compromise…

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 12:23 am

31. 31 On November 7th, 2009, O.C. said:

    The best baby shower game I’ve seen is to write baby-themed-words on slips of paper. Divide the group into teams, and give each team some play dough. Then have each team essentially play charades, with a representative trying to communicate one of the words to the rest of the team without speaking, just by sculpting it from the play dough. It’s always a hit! And you could use a range of positive and gender neutral, or gender varied terms. The weirdest words are the biggest hits, like “contraction”, or “diaper genie”.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 1:12 am

32. 32 On November 7th, 2009, hsofia said:

    My baby shower had games – it was planned for me, so I didn’t have much say in it. I had enough pregnancy and baby-with-birth-defect concerns that worrying about the baby shower was pretty low on my priority list. I have no idea if there were friends and relatives at my party who didn’t like the games. I’m not a huge fan of games myself, but I think what makes the difference is how you feel about the person whose party it is. If you care about them, you won’t give a crap what silly games are being played. You’re there for the mom. I tried not to invite anyone to my shower that I didn’t personally have a relationship with, but a few in-laws I don’t know that well wanted to come, so they were there.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 1:52 am

33. 33 On November 7th, 2009, cggirl said:

    Ha, I’m lucky – Israelis do NOT have showers, not for babies, not for weddings.

    I am not crazy about the traditional gender role thing either, and I feel you on the whole motherhood-is-the-ultimate-goal-of-a-woman thing… I have a LOT to say about THAT.

    I do agree that there are specific things like breastfeeding or childbirth itself that are specific to women, and depending on the woman and what she wants, it might be appropriate to do an all-woman event… I mean, it’s ALL about what she wants, including if she wants the frou frou stuff, but I personally don’t get that as much.

    As for games – how about something like Wii, or Playstation or Xbox, if you have anything like that? Just a thought… Or maybe just good old fashioned board games? Or NO games hehe…

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 5:50 am

34. 34 On November 7th, 2009, cggirl said:

    argh my url was wrong! oopsy.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 5:51 am

35. 35 On November 7th, 2009, cggirl said:

    Oy i did it again! Sorry rachel… u can delete these posts if they bug you just wanted my name to lead to a normal page if clicked, not an error message. i’m obsessive like that.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 5:52 am

36. 36 On November 7th, 2009, Is there such a thing as a feminist baby shower game? « Dating Jesus said:

    [...] November 7, 2009 · Leave a Comment The F-Word wants to know. [...]

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 9:13 am

37. 37 On November 7th, 2009, Linda said:

    1) Showers where they just pull names for prizes are more directly mercenary, but not as painful. The games make the whole thing suck.
    2) The Bengals are not having a bad year. I would rather watch them.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 9:20 am

38. 38 On November 7th, 2009, i-geek said:

    Thank heaven for my husband’s family: wedding/baby showers tend to be co-ed. It ends up turning into a family party more than anything else (complete with good food and beer), which is much less awkward. Even the all-women baby shower for one my my husband’s cousins wasn’t bad. The one game I remember from that one involved giving each guest three clothespins. There were a couple of words (”baby” was one) that if you said- and another guest caught you- you had to give that guest one clothespin. Guest with the most pins at the end won the prize. It was funny without being awkward.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 10:07 am

39. 39 On November 7th, 2009, DaniFae said:

    I HATE showers, baby, wedding, doesn’t matter. That said cggirl’s video game idea may work. Mario Kart for Wii, four players at a time, and bonus if someone’s cleared it out a bit, there’s four baby characters to play (Peach, Daisy, Mario, and Luigi) so you could run baby themed races, and the control for it is more or less like driving a car, so non-gamers can play too. (I got my mom playing it over the summer, and she had a blast.) Themed, guy friendly, and not nauseatingly stupid. Of course assuming someone has it already, I wouldn’t suggest going out and buying a video game system/games for a shower.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 10:26 am

40. 40 On November 7th, 2009, Kathy said:

    O.C. – the playdough game sounds AWESOME, and I am totally going to use that at the next shower I have to put together.

    One of the better games I’ve seen was one where you split the party into 2 teams and have a minute to make up a list of songs (any song) that has the word “baby” in it – Hey Baby, Baby Mine, Baby Now That I’ve Found You, etc (doesnt have to be the title, but those came to me the fastest).

    After the minute is up the groups alternate back and forth singing the songs. No repeats, so if the other team sang Baby Baby first, its their point. Last team to run out of songs wins.

    Admittedly, it completely depends on the group – both the mother-to-be and several of our friends are theater/choir people and have no qualms busting out into song.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 10:58 am

41. 41 On November 7th, 2009, Jen said:

    Having a baby shower today for a friend. As for games, we have three different word games (find a word, baby word scramble and baby animals (fill in the blank with what a baby of each species is known as). They should be short & fun. We’ll be timing them so whomever gets the most correct in x amount of time wins a small door prize. Otherwise it is food and presents and happiness.

    Games like melting candy in a diaper are a waste of good candy and a good diaper!

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 1:49 pm

42. 42 On November 7th, 2009, Twistie said:

    Rachel, like you I don’t drink and I detest football, but nothing would drive me down to the land of widescreen sports TV and beer faster than a roomful of baby shower games.

    In general, I prefer showers that are about getting together with good friends and sharing pleasant conversation over a nice nosh with a side of watching the guest(s) of honor open nice gifts.

    However, since this is your SIL, I suggest you take up Sid’s excellent advice and put yourself on refreshment refilling/gift logging duty so you can be involved in the day, but always have a good excuse not to sniff melted candy bars in diapers.

    Oh, and I love the idea of the guests writing down their best baby advice and presenting the mom-to-be with it.

    Also, the next time I go to a baby shower, I will definitely add a small goodie for the mom as well as the baby. I’d never thought of doing that, but it’s a good idea.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 1:50 pm

43. 43 On November 7th, 2009, O.C. said:

    Kathy’s singing game sounds wonderful!

    Oh… this just reminded me of a time I’d tried to plan a shower along with a kind of clueless group of friends. Trying to think of the obligatory games, one person suggested making people think of a list of phrases that include the word “baby”.

    “You mean, like ‘Lindbergh baby’?” asked one.

    We did not use that game.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 4:38 pm

44. 44 On November 7th, 2009, JBK said:

    I co-hosted a baby shower, it was the first I ever been to, and we had a quiz, pub quiz style. 3 rounds, first one a picture round, “Guess the movie”, with pictures from movies with babies in them (Rosemary’s Baby, Addams family…), second general knowledge to do with baby stuff (name of the pregnant Barbie, longest animal pregnancy..) and the third a music round, name the singer of a song with Baby in the title (Ice Ice baby, Billion Dollar Babies..). So, fun, baby-related, but not completely infantilising.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 9:17 pm

45. 45 On November 7th, 2009, theKP said:

    Rachel, you got me wondering about where the heck this whole baby shower tradition came from and how it became customary to gather people in a room and make them play stupid games. Apparently we have the post-WWII baby-boom era to thank for this particular manifestation of the celebration of birth. There were some speculations that it was part of the growing materialism of the middle-class and their desire to get loot, but that strikes me as a superficial analysis (Renaissance parents could certainly expect their fair share of christening spoons and such). The main difference between modern showers and earlier birth rituals is that the gifts started coming before birth rather than after. Possible explanations: lower infant mortality rates and the increasing acceptance of women being out in public while pregnant. The baby shower seems to be a kind of secular replacement for the baptismal celebrations and lying in periods during which new mothers couldn’t go back to church. There’s some lazy history there, but this site (http://www.randomhistory.com/2008/11/01_baby.html) gave an interesting overview. So if nothing else, it might be a comfort to know that as annoying as party games are, they came into being because pregnant women were no longer being secluded from the general population.

    If I ever have a baby shower, I fully plan to have a tea party like the Victorian ladies. There will be scones and pasteurized clotted cream, and absolutely no fake poop. I might also visit a few shrines and temples a la the ancient Egyptians. I don’t think I’ll ritually dispose of the placenta though.

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 11:00 pm

46. 46 On November 7th, 2009, Laurie S. said:

    Hey! Long-time lurker, first-time poster. This may sound way too old-fashioned and girly, but when people were talking about decorating onesies, it gave me an idea. What about getting an all-white baby blanket, preferably with squares to divide sections, and have each guest decorate a square with best wishes for the mom and baby, or whatever? Conversely, you could have each person design a square and then sew them all together? (Did anyone ever see ‘How to Make an American Quilt’?) I think that could be really sweet, because then when your SIL wraps the baby in it, she’s wrapping him/her up in everyone’s best wishes and love. Too cheesy?

    posted on November 7th, 2009 at 11:28 pm

47. 47 On November 8th, 2009, Wellroundedmama said:

    I’m surprised only one person mentioned blessingways, a.k.a. Mother Blessings. These are traditionally for women but are often held with men too….whatever the mother prefers.

    This is SO much more meaningful than a traditional baby shower. It’s much more spiritually-oriented and it really is much more about the mother than the baby. It’s about honoring the mother and preparing her emotionally for labor and motherhood, while still also acknowledging and anticipating the new life to come.

    The beads on a necklace or bracelet thing is a staple of blessingways, and it really can be very meaningful to have this with you during labor, surrounding you with the love of friends and family. Another lovely tradition can be to paint the mother’s belly or hand with henna, or to do a belly cast. Or give the mother one symbolic small gift of something you wish for her during labor, like a power totem, a charm with a special saying, a good luck charm, or a religious symbol or something. Or the mother can list all the things she’s worried about during pregnancy and then give them away, one to each person present, and they can take over worrying and praying about these things for her so she can free up some emotional space for being fully present during labor. (I’ve seen this one being particularly powerful for women.)

    Mother Blessings can be whatever you want to make of them. There are so many choices available. You can read more about blessingways at http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/blessingway.html and many other places on the internet. Just pick what appeals most to you and design your own ceremony.

    Of course, some women want a traditional baby shower, or don’t know they have alternatives so they have a traditional shower with cutesy games cause that’s just “what you do.” And it is useful to get some baby gear ahead of time. So if you get invited to one of these traditional yuck-fests, just grin and bear it the best you can and do whatever you can to avoid the worst of the kitschy games. Remember that you are there for the mother and that it’s only a couple of hours out of your life. You can last that long.

    But when it comes time for your own baby shower or the baby shower of a close friend who is open to alternatives, plan a blessingway instead and make it into something meaningful for the people involved. They really can be lovely.

    posted on November 8th, 2009 at 1:33 am

48. 48 On November 8th, 2009, Michelle said:

    Get baby photos of as many attendees as you can. Everyone tries to match the attendee with their baby photo – whoever gets the most right gets a shot?

    posted on November 8th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

49. 49 On November 8th, 2009, Katy said:

    Agreed that the ideal shower involves mainly good food, good company, and loot for the mama and baby (and why not some treats for the new dad too — they tend to be kind of neglected around this time no matter how much they want to be a part of things). And I see that it may be too late to save you this time around. But for those who just canNOT be parted from their shower games, I kinda thought this satirical mad-lib birth plan would be fun to fill out: http://www.lets-panic.com/pregnancy/your-own-customizable-birth-plan/ … with the mom and most guests NOT being told beforehand what the mad lib is supposed to turn out to be. That way it’s that much funnier when read. Anyway, benedicite, hope it’s not too excruciating…

    posted on November 8th, 2009 at 4:00 pm

50. 50 On November 8th, 2009, Lindeseig said:

    Sigh…I don’t think I am much help here, considering that the last baby shower I was supposed to attend threatened to eat up so many sanity points that I bailed at the last minute. And, yes, silly poopy diaper and baby clothespin games were slated to take place.

    I do like the idea of doing something nice for the mother as opposed to being focused on the new arrival. If it had occurred to me, I would have sooner bought my friend a gift card to a spa for a prenatal massage or something along those lines or offered to provide her and her boyfriend a meal when the baby arrived than buying parts of a layette or breast cream (both of which were on the registry). I’m not much of a baby/small child person to begin with, so I’d sooner do something for my friend than for the kid anyway.

    posted on November 8th, 2009 at 4:52 pm

51. 51 On November 9th, 2009, ginag said:

    I despise baby showers. And I say this as someone who will have one in the future. The games just make me ill (that poopy diaper thing? Yick!); and while the gifts are nice, I always feel weird being the center of attention. I’d rather just get together with friends and a wii and play or talk. Lord knows after the baby times I’m able to do that will be few and far between.
    I wish I knew who came up with these kiddie/gross games for grown women.
    Even when I had my bridal shower, my friends knew me well enough to limit the games to the clothespin thing and a ‘how well do you know your fiance’ where they asked DH funny questions ahead of time and had me answer them.
    One thing I did appreciate, though: all the guests were asked to write down any advice/well wishes on an index card and leave them in a box. I still open up that little box o’wisdom four years later.

    posted on November 9th, 2009 at 10:10 am

52. 52 On November 9th, 2009, Rachel said:

    Okay, so the baby shower wasn’t nearly as tortuous as I thought it would be. The games were ridiculous and even Amber, my SIL, wasn’t into them (but had to appear as if she was). I laid claim to the role of photographer so I didn’t have to play them. We had a lot of family there, so it was nice to catch up with everyone.

    posted on November 9th, 2009 at 10:35 am

53. 53 On November 9th, 2009, Lu said:

    Good to hear that it wasn’t too bad. There are no feminist baby showers. It don’t think it’s possible. Too much gushing. They can be cute, but I still tend to avoid them.

    posted on November 9th, 2009 at 12:02 pm

54. 54 On January 3rd, 2010, Mnemesis said:

    I found this site by googling “baby showers suck” because I’m so dreading mine. I don’t like the expectations… not of me… not of my friends or family. The focus is weird. The pregnancy and impending birth are special (to me) in and of themselves. Ceremony detracts from that… again, for me. I don’t need advice during the shower. Those with advice give it before and after. The best have already set me up with their go-to baby books, their strategies, and invaluable offers of ongoing tech support. Their love and friendship are always there; tokens are unnecessary.

    As for gatherings of women, I’ve never liked gender-segregated events. Everything seems forced, fundamentals disregarded, e.g., men have great insights too; the child is a result of egg and sperm, female and male, usually coitus — If there’s a spiritual aspect, it should recognize the carnal, like we could all act out scenes from the original wicker man. Really though, i’m hoping the upcoming shower with friends will be just a celebration, with all genderIDs present and accounted for, with mimosas, vegan extravagances, running around, twister, singing and maybe a little fire… that the gifts are things only my weird-ass friends could come up with and that we have a whole lot of fun reinforcing our bond as people who know and care for each other, who were there before, who will be there after. People my son will get to know, who he’ll tease and be tickled by, who he’ll love and shun and learn to love again as he grows and reinvents himself right along with the rest of us.

    posted on January 3rd, 2010 at 12:17 pm

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