Open Post: The Adonis Complex?

14th September 2009

Open Post: The Adonis Complex?

posted in Body Image, Eating Disorders, Fat Bias |

Studies show that rates of eating disorders are higher among gay men, but two new Australian studies out show that straight men are just as insecure about how they look and the need to sport a six-pack. The studies, conducted by the University of Canberra, will be presented at the Australian Psychological Society conference, which runs from Sept. 30 – Oct. 4. The Courier Mail has an overview of the findings:

Dr Vivienne Lewis, who was involved in both studies, said the University of Canberra’s pilot body image program for men showed the problem was real and needed addressing.

“You’d be surprised how many … men … are doing some of the things that women are doing,” she said. “They might be dieting, they might be binge eating and then purging their food.

“We don’t know how many men do it because men don’t come forward and say ‘I’ve got a problem.’”

A trio of authors coined the phrase of the “Adonis Complex” in a 2000 book that describes how men have become increasingly subject to body image woes in the past couple couple decades. The term is derived from the Greek myth of Adonis, the half-man, half-god who is considered to be the epitome of masculine beauty. So beautiful was the chiseled body of Adonis that he won the heart of Aphrodite, queen of all gods.

My husband was a little insecure when he he started to go bald 20s, but he shaved it all off shortly before we met and doesn’t seem too hung up about it now. My older brother Jim, on the other hand, is really insecure about his weight. I recently suggested that he give online dating another go, since it worked so well for me and virtually all of our happily-married couples friends, but he replied that he didn’t want to even post a profile until he had lost 100-pounds — keep in mind, that he’s lost and regained this same 100-pounds several times in his life. But although Jim seems to be putting his life on hold pending the numbers on his scale, it hasn’t devolved to the point where he has developed an eating or body image disorder.

Does any of your guy friends or relatives struggle with body image? In what ways and how do they (and you) deal with it?

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1 On September 14th, 2009, Michelle said:

My father has some kind of eating disorder – not that he admits it. For the last 15 years he has written down the calories and fat for everything he eats, and is obsessed with keeping his weight at 150 lbs. According to him, his doctor told him he should keep his weight at or near 150 lbs to lessen pressure on his knees, which were both being replaced, but his disordered eating started well before that, when I was a kid.

Being a recovering bulimic, it’s somewhat hard for me to be around him, as most of his conversation revolves around what he eats (or won’t eat, or how much or little, etc). And he will pinch his (very small) belly and talk about how he needs to lose more weight, which totally triggers my body image anxiety (my belly is certainly bigger than his – what must he think of me?).

So, yeah. Any tips on dealing with this are welcome – I’m going to see him this weekend!

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 1:15 pm

2 On September 14th, 2009, Nuclear Rainbow said:

My boyfriend is overweight. He weighs over 100kg while he is 1.70m tall (approximately). He has quite a lot of difficulties with this, due to being bullied in the past and rejection of girls, and he has a very bad body-image. He tries to deal with this, and I try to help him, but I find it difficult to get through to him at this point, because he believed for a very long time that his body- and self-image is the ultimate truth, and that it cannot be changed. While you can change this of course, although it is difficult. I tend to go “psychologist” on him in this (I’m doing my master in behavioural science at the moment, so I’m quite theory-funded in stuff like this), but that is probably not the best route
He is quite bald at the age of 30 too by the way, but that has never been an issue: it’s just the weight.

/Nuclear Rainbow

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 1:36 pm

3 On September 14th, 2009, JupiterPluvius said:

You’d be surprised how many … men … are doing some of the things that women are doing,” she said. “They might be dieting, they might be binge eating and then purging their food.”

Although I’m sorry about the men who are experiencing eating disorders and my wish for them is that they get help, I find that the underlying implication that it’s understandable when women do it, but really concerning when men do it is kind of upsetting.

I had a male friend in high school who had terribly disordered eating, which I was alert to because of my own struggles. He was also gay in a very anti-gay rural environment, and his self-presentation corresponded with a lot of stereotypes about gay men, and to me his anorexia and bulimia had a lot to do with those stereotypes–he had internalized the image of what at that time (early ’80s) was called in US gay culture the “twink”, a slender young man with blond hair and campy mannerisms. I worried about him a lot, and there were no resources in the area for men with eating disorders. We lost touch after high school; I hope he’s strong and happy now.

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 2:34 pm

4 On September 14th, 2009, Toni said:

I agree that the quote did have the tone of “oh no, now that the men are doing it, it’s an actual problem!”

I grew up in a household where my dad was every bit as obsessed, if not more so, than my mother, about his weight. Yo-yo dieting, every fad diet on the planet, severe calorie restriction, exercise obsession. Losing 150 pounds, and then binge eating and gaining 200 back. He’s lost and regained at least a 1000, or even 1500 pounds over his lifetime. He has heart problems that were caused by massive, rapid weight loss. And as he approaches 60, it’s showing no signs of changing.

My brothers hound me about my weight way more than anyone else. They are constantly either working out like mad, or binge eating & drinking.

I never really thought that men were any different than women in this respect.

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 3:03 pm

5 On September 14th, 2009, Rachel said:

Well, you could also look at the quote from the perspective that whereas this problem was formerly relegated to mostly women, it’s now become far more widespread than imagined, which is alarming. There are many historical pressures for women to look a certain way, but it’s long been thought that these forces are largely created by men, who are, for the most part, immune to them. The fact that so many men aren’t immune suggests that culture may be way more fucked up than we thought possible.

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 3:37 pm

6 On September 14th, 2009, theKP said:

I’m not sure I like the term “Adonis complex”. Partly because it makes it sound like men are developing eating disorders out of vanity (the desire to be an Adonis) rather than as the result of complicated physiological and social processes. And in the myth, Adonis was beautiful, but he didn’t give a crap about anything but hunting. Venus’s passion was nothing but a nuisance from his perspective. So if the increase in men’s negative body images is the result of their desire to be attractive, then Adonis isn’t exactly the best symbol to choose. I’m afraid that I sound pedantic, but I’m tired of the “beauty myth” approach to eating disorders. They’re not just (or even primarily) about wanting to look good.

I think it’s true that there’s an increased social emphasis on men’s appearances, but I also can’t help wondering how much the moral panic about obesity is feeding into the pressure for men to diet, which would in and of itself increase the rate of eating disorders among men. Men who forty years ago might never have been encouraged to restrict their food have been inundated with messages about living a “healthy lifestyle.” Frankly it wasn’t until my boyfriend started worrying about being “healthy” and counting calories that I heard him make negative remarks about his body. Which is hard on me, as someone who is still actively struggling with an eating disorder. Since I haven’t managed to curb my own body snark in front of him, I feel like it would be hypocritical to read him the riot act about it…and it gives me some perspective on how he must feel when I do it. I try to imagine a glass wall between us at the time–you know, one that is repelling what he’s saying. And then when I’m tempted to talk about how my body is disgusting, I try to remind myself that it sucks to listen to that. I don’t always catch myself in time, but it at least cuts down on the number of times per week that I model self-hatred for him.

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 4:03 pm

7 On September 14th, 2009, rachel with a little "r" said:

Your brother should make a profile looking the way he does. If he loses weight, he can always just put up a new picture. and if he happens to start typing to someone who knows him the way he looks now and doesn’t care, he would know that they liked him with his 100 “extra” pounds. but that’s not really the thing we’re supposed to comment on…

as far as men not being immune to the body image issues…well, since women have the possibility of being more choosy than they could in the past, it might make men feel that they need to strive to be different/”better,” the way women have felt forever. If you didn’t measure up, you might not get a man…but now, you can live without one, even if it would be nice. Where men were always more or less guaranteed that they would get a woman, that’s not certain anymore.

Besides, there seems to be an increase in marketing diet plans to men…Nutrisystem immediately comes to mind. It makes sense; why not capitalize on the insecurity of potentially 100% of the population rather than potentially about 50-52%? As long as the commercials reinforce the men’s manliness and reframe weight loss as something manly to do, they might fall for it, too…

posted on September 14th, 2009 at 5:42 pm

8 On September 15th, 2009, PlusSizedFeminist said:

I noticed that comment about how “when men have a problem, its a PROBLEM” thing too. Eating disorders are a problem, regardless of the gender that has it. They say to sell something to people, you just make them feel bad about themselves. Men are not immune to the societal pressure to be buff and have that perfect six pack.

There needs to be a true, honest to God initiative, where we bombard the media with images of people of all sizes, shapes, and colors and show the world that beauty comes from EVERYWHERE, not just the unattainable, airbrushed standard seen in magazines and on TV.

Oh, and Rachel, I noticed you put Aphrodite as queen of all gods….Hera is the queen of the gods…Aphrodite was the goddess of love. Just a little sidebar….

posted on September 15th, 2009 at 12:26 am

9 On September 15th, 2009, William said:

Hi

Even though I like the book I also disagree with the connotations of the Adonis Complex. I like the theme that some writers have used in applying the “Iron John” or “Superman” myth to men and their image issues with their bodies. I agree with researchers Kirsten Bell (Macquarie University in Sydney, Australia) and Darlene McNaughton (Australian National University, Canberra, Australia) who stated that male fat body issues have been around all the time but were simply ignored by the efforts created to improve female fat body image in society. As a fat guy I can tell you that rarely have I seen a fat guy expose too much of their body in the locker-room, shower or on the field in school.

I am happy to see people here sharing fat male body issues not as a recent phenomena, but as something their Fathers suffered from. I know that that I have suffered from this and in various forum I have seen men from 16 – 70 share on issues with some part of their bodies.

William

posted on September 15th, 2009 at 7:27 am

10 On September 15th, 2009, november said:

Well, a long time ago, when I had still some optimism left, I thought, that maybe, maybe, once men were submitted to more critic regarding their looks, they might realize how that feels for women and we might work to together to improve the situation for everyone.
That, of course, was naive.
I used to collect articles, comments, quotes from books, films, music, everyday conservations for a while, when they were somehow related to body image issues/looks in general. Two things appeared from that collection:
1. When men suffer from body image issues, then it is a SERIOUS problem that needs to be adressed! Now! It is also a complex problem, not just vanity like those girls!
2. Who is to blame? When women are unhappy about their looks, we get a lot about “fashion industry”, “advertisement” and “the media”. Or worse, women themeselves are to blame, because they have low self-esteem (o, wonder where that might come from) or they are their own worst enemies.
However, when men suffer from the same issue, things get a bit more concrete. Sometimes even social and economic consequences of not being attractive might be mentioned, men are never to blame themeselves. And the worst, but increasingly frequent arguement: Women are to blame! Because these bitches have become so picky recently and judge men so much for theit looks rather than for their personality, something men wouldn’t even dream of…

posted on September 15th, 2009 at 7:56 am

11 On September 15th, 2009, Michael said:

As a gay male, especially as an overweight gay male, this is something I’ve had to confront my entire life. I’ve never been small, and have honestly never wanted to be. I’m 250 lbs, 5′10 and would have to weigh 179 lbs just to be considered normal weight. I weighed that in elementary school so I don’t see that happening anytime soon. It is frustrating however to be instantly labeled and dismissed because you don’t fit the stereotypical gay mold. Although, I have to argue that gay culture might be better equipped to deal with different body sizes because there are subculutures within the gay community that are built around body size. The “twink” label is still considered ideal for most people but there are now “chubs”, “bears”, and a whole slew of body related labels that aren’t negative towards weight or body size. Instead, they encourage almost the opposite reaction, promoting weight gain and living large, which, if taken to the extreme, can be just as destructive. I think it ultimately boils down to how comfortable you are in your own skin, which is no easy feat. And so help me, if I hear one more 190lb toothpick bemoan about their rolls or how fat they are I might break them.

posted on September 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am

12 On September 15th, 2009, Lexie Di said:

I have a new love-interest (online boyfriend kind of thing), Kiki, who is a vegetarian. While talking/webcamming, I asked if he was honestly okay with my size, to which he responded, “I think I just called you cute FROM HEAD TO TOE.” It’s odd for me to have someone NOT harping on me about my size, it makes me nervous, but it also makes me happy. He, soon after, said “You know, I’m overweight.” (I hate that word.) “You probably thought I’d be thin when I said I was a vegetarian.” I quickly reminded him that I love how he looks, adore his body and personality, and wouldn’t ever change him. I do love how he looks and would be (though it sounds shallow) less attracted to him if he were thinner.

I worry about the women in my life having to deal with constant body pressures… Now, with Kiki and my little brother (who has a strong, square, heavy build), I feel like I need to watch out for men too. It seems like the people are setting themselves up for unhappiness.

posted on September 15th, 2009 at 12:19 pm

13 On September 17th, 2009, Bilt4Cmfrt said:

Late to the discussion as usual : / Michelle, It almost sounds like your describing my old man. Except we had almost 25 years worth of, daily weight recorded, index cards to toss out when he passed. Dad was close to 6′ tall and never got into the 300# range (unlike his son whose been well over 400#), managed to make it past 85yrs, and was constantly being accused of being under 65. Didn’t drink, drug, or smoke and had an on-again, off-again relationship with his stationary bike. His body image issues, like most men his age, were more complex and subtle than he, like most men his age, was ready to admit.

There wasn’t much we could do about dads compulsive weight checking or his compulsive eating. He would consistently blow off his eating habits with one of his favorite jokes; ‘I’m a lite eater- As soon as it gets light out, I start eating.’ or ‘I like Sea food – Whenever I see food, I eat it.’. Dad didn’t gorge, he grazed. Every day, all day long and usually at home. It was such that anyone not living with him consistently and long term, would probably think that he ate pretty little for a guy his size. Not so. As a consequence I couldn’t tell you what I weighed last month, much less last night, and I tend to not eat until I’m ravenous. Going all day on a bagel and and making one cup of coffee last into the afternoon, I’ll often not even think about food when I’m especially busy. Until my blood sugar starts to nose dive, then I’ll probably end up taring the fridge apart.

In my experience, men and our weight issues generally have more to do with physical ability and a perceived ‘fitness level’ than looks or esthetics. Which is probably one of the many reasons why it’s commonly held that men are ‘free’ to get and be fatter than women. Until recently scorn wasn’t attached to male fatness until it got to the point where it effected an individuals physical capabilities. Even now, male targeted obesity panic rhetoric is usually aimed at the more tender, capability driven, areas of our egos. Implied disability (mobility issues including arthritic joints and diabetic amputation), hints of lingering illness (enlarged heart syndrome, sundry and continuously changing flavors of cancer), and supposed sexual / reproductive dysfunction (low sperm count, lack of stamina and -yes- endowment). Self-esteem and self worth get the usual, golf cleated, stomping that fat people of all genders and races have been experiencing for decades in this country. This is not to say that vanity doesn’t have a place in all this. Body hair removal, botox injections, hair color for men, pectoral implants / reductions, none of these things have much of an effect on physical ability yet they are, increasingly, more profitable for those institutions that provide them. ‘Increasingly’ being the relevant word here, I think.

Unfortunately, in this patriarchal society, when anyone starts taking about eating disorders the default assumption is both anorexia / bulimia and ‘women’. However, if Intersectionality has taught me anything, it’s not to make assumptions in regards to any social condition. Isn’t it possible that what we’ve already learned about these conditions from the women has made it possible for en to see potentials in themselves? Could it be that women who are, at the least, strong enough to own these problems, have made it possible for men who are reticent to even admit that they exist amongst our gender, to see that maybe they do? And is that necessarily a bad thing?

I’m hesitant to add a ‘This isn’t a what-about-the-menz’ disclaimer on this comment as that my feelings about F/A, weight bias, and fat-hate are kind of unique. There isn’t a lot of traffic coming from this side of the intersection so it’s not easy to gauge where I’m at all the time. Particularly when it comes to the ‘fat is a feminist issue’ debates. I guess what I’m trying to say is that in most respects this isn’t ‘WATM’ but in some respects, it is.

posted on September 17th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

14 On September 17th, 2009, William said:

Hi Bilt

I would say that for men weight, size and physical capability would play second to body shape. The Fat-o-phobics never seem to use any of the many fat men who are simply are large & fat and have depth & width. They would chose a fat man with a very large belly over hang or a man who is bottom heavy and/or has fat legs.

William

posted on September 17th, 2009 at 5:34 pm