A conversation with a door-to-door vacuum salesman

6th August 2009

A conversation with a door-to-door vacuum salesman

We frequently get door-to-door salespeople shilling everything from home security systems to cable TV to Jesus. I was hyperfocusing on a story this afternoon when came a sharp rat-a-tat-tat at the door. I covertly peeked out the Roman shade to see standing at the door a spry man in his 50s with a shiny bald head anchored by greying fringe. There was an incident not too long ago a few streets over in which someone claiming to be fundraising door-to-door hit an elderly man upside the head with a crowbar and proceeded to rob him. I am not the kind of person who regularly engages in fits of histrionic paranoia, but considering that I work from home and am a magnet for social aberrations, I generally don’t answer the door to people I don’t know when home alone. I was unfortunately spotted, however and reluctantly opened the door to a door-to-door vacuum salesmen for Kirby, who kindly complimented the biosphere that is my front yard and explained that he was just signing people up for a $1,000 drawing. The eight months of sheer boredom and anguish I spent as a desperate 16-year-old trying to sell windows on commission to raise money for driver’s ed flitted across my mind and so I obliged him. I seriously did not intend to mindfuck him with my feminist wiles, but, well, read on…

Salesman: Okay, what’s your last name?

Me: Richardson

Salesman: First name?

Me: Rachel

The neighbor’s very friendly cat who lives on our front porch interrupts by pawing on the man’s pants. I tell him that it’s not our cat, but rather our neighbors, and because they have two Great Danes with heads the size of basketballs, he claimed our porch long before my husband even bought the house.

Salesman: You’re married? What’s your husband’s name?

Me: Brandon [Pause] And his last name is Clooney (a pseudonym, of course)

Salesman: [Looks up confused] Clooney, did you say?

Me: Yep, Clooney — C L O O N E Y

Salesman: [smiling] Oh, okay. Your fiance or whatever. Hey, I asked one guy if he was married and he told me that his husband’s name was… There’s every kind of lifestyle these days.

Me: Nope, he’s my husband. We’re legal.

Salesman: [smile wavering] You’re MARRIED? And his last name is Clooney?

Me: Clooney. That’s right.

Salesman: But YOUR last name is Richardson?

Me: You got it.

The by now thoroughout nonplussed salesman goes on to try and weakly pitch Kirby’s line of ridiculously expensive vacuum cleaners and carpet cleaning services. I inform him that we have wood floors throughout most of the house. He inquires about the carpeted stairs he sees over my shoulder that leads to a carpeted second-floor.

Me: No thanks. We’re going to replace it in the near future, so it’d be a waste of money cleaning it.

Salesman: Well, at least it’d be clean first before you replaced it. And our services are really quite affordable. I could schedule you a free demonstration…

Me: Nah, that won’t be necessary. We don’t even go upstairs and we have a lot of other projects that need done first.

Salesman: [Interrupting me] Well, maybe I can come back when your husband gets home…

Me: [gritting teeth] I don’t think that will be necessary.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, August 6th, 2009 at 6:32 pm and is filed under Feminist Topics, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On August 6th, 2009, mo pie said:

Dear lord. I feel your pain… ot took my father a year to stop sending things to Mrs. Ian Golder.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:26 pm

2 On August 6th, 2009, Godless Heathen said:

I didn’t take my husband’s last name either. There’s nothing wrong with his, I just got used to spelling mine as a knee jerk reaction. I think by now if I didn’t hear people fumbling to pronounce my last name, I’d never answer to it. I don’t see what the problem is, he’s never been asked why he didn’t take my name.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:38 pm

3 On August 6th, 2009, Anna said:

What a wanker! Sounds like you broke his brain when you said you had different last names. You can see him justifying it with “Oh, right, one of THOSE couples. You’re not REALLY married!”

And the “I guess I’ll see when your husband comes home” is one of the most infuriating things I know.

Good on you for not backing down.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

4 On August 6th, 2009, Literate Shrew said:

Oy! I feel you too. I usually give my BS reason about school and financial aid woes (my husband and I are both in uni) because I really didn’t enjoy the few conversations I had when I was being 100% honest about it.

I do love this, though:
“Salesman: [smiling] Oh, okay. Your fiance or whatever.”

This beautifully sums up what people think about women who don’t take their husband’s name. Like their marriage is somehow not real.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:41 pm

5 On August 6th, 2009, Meryt Bast said:

I don’t envy either party in a door-to-door sales conversation.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:46 pm

6 On August 6th, 2009, Jen said:

Yet another reason I don’t open the door when strangers come a-knockin’

I don’t care if it’s religion, vacuums, cookie dough or wrapping paper. Hell, I don’t care if my kids are *looking out the window at the person* (which is kind of a dead giveaway I’m home LOL … there is no law that says I have to open my door to anyone.

So I don’t.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 7:51 pm

7 On August 6th, 2009, merri said:

Those kirby salespeople used to come to our house all the time growing up in NH. One day my mother wasn’t home and my father let him spill our entire container of salt all over our floors. Lol. Just don’t let those people inside, unless you are very, very bored. Hmm I actually think that my parents subcummed and actually bought one once. I really didn’t think that taking or not taking a spouse’s last name was a big deal anymore.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 8:08 pm

8 On August 6th, 2009, Meems said:

Ugh. My parents have been married for going on 30 years and mom never took dad’s last name (if you knew our last name you’ understand why). Despite the fact that she and I look exactly alike, elementary school teachers didn’t always believe she was my mother when she came to pick me up.

My impression is that it’s cultural/regional – at least within the United States. It’s been far less of an issue in MA than it as in the South…

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

9 On August 6th, 2009, Bethface said:

I also decided to keep my maiden name. For no other reason then I felt like it. The only time I think I might change it is when I am at my sons school and the other parents treat me like some sort of mutant. They either think my husband and I are not married but mostly they think I am the girlfriend taking care of the guys kid. I hate that and then when I explain that I am his mother and we are in fact married they give that look that says “your weird”.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 9:05 pm

10 On August 6th, 2009, Piffle said:

I kept my own name when we married almost twenty years ago now, the only time I had a problem with it was when someone at our lawyers’ office called to say that our divorce papers were ready. I was all, “WHAT!?!” Turned our to be some other legal paperwork I knew about, but the lady assumed that because we had different last names it was divorce related. She got sniffy when I explained that I’d kept my last name; but I didn’t let that bother me.

Having to explain that yes, we’re married; no, we don’t have the same last name never bothered me either; I got used to it in grade school when anytime I was supposed to fill out a form the teachers tried to correct my name to the usual long version: I got very patient about explaining that, no, my legal name is the short nickname, not the usual long version. I think it was the obvious patience that convinced them that I’d had do this many times.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 10:27 pm

11 On August 6th, 2009, Gexx said:

That’s annoying!! I have a friend who *never* took her husband’s name (she had published professionally and felt it would be easier to keep hers) and *her* family still sends her xmas cards to Ms. Husband Husband eventhough they’ve been divorced for YEARS!

Their reasoning is that the church never acknowledged the divorce. ::headdesk::

12 On August 6th, 2009, Stephanie said:

I kept my name, too, and after the initial disbelief of my family, I have not had too much crap about it. Although one of my friends says it’s quite useful (she didn’t change her name either) if someone asks for Mrs. Hislastname and you can quite honestly say, “There’s no one by that name here.”

That was ridiculous, what you had to go through. And the whole, “all these lifestyles these days.” Sure. *sigh*

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 10:28 pm

13 On August 6th, 2009, lizzie said:

Really not that big a deal. Feminism lives on, nonetheless.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 10:49 pm

14 On August 6th, 2009, Monica said:

I don’t think I’d take my husband’s name if I ever got married– I’m an undergraduate in the physical sciences and I plan to have at least a few publications with my name on them before I get married, so I’d be continuing to use my last name professionally and I think getting it changed legally would be more of a hassle.

And that’s a hilarious story.

posted on August 6th, 2009 at 10:56 pm

15 On August 7th, 2009, Mulberry said:

Heck, my husband uses MY last name occasionally because it’s shorter and easier for people to spell. We’ve both kept our own last names, though. Wonder what Mister Salesman Guy would make of that?

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 12:15 am

16 On August 7th, 2009, living400lbs said:

Add me to the kept-my-name club. In my case it was that I looked at all the paperwork I’d have to do to change it (2 banks, 3 brokerages, a car, real estate) and decided it really was NOT worth it.

(The real estate was the worst; in my state I’d have had to reassign it to my new identity, because there WAS no way to change the name of a person who owns real estate. It really brought home to me how Women don’t really own property, they are just carried along by the Men.)

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 1:56 am

17 On August 7th, 2009, Lexie Di said:

I’m not married… but when I get married, I might take my husband’s last name if it’s any easier than mine. You see, my middle name is my mother’s maiden name and my last name (my father’s last name) has two parts. So, together it’s (for example) “Jones Di Groot.” So, many people think my last name is either “Groot” or I’m married and my name is “Jones-De Groot.” This makes for tons of misfiled paperwork and lots of problems. Plus the annoyance of people spelling my last name “Digroot.” So, if I marry a guy with the last name of Smith or suchlike, oh the joy I will feel when my paperwork is accurately filed and quickly found and people don’t look at me funny when I say my full name! (Though, if I have a daughter, my maiden name will go to her in some sentimental tradition.)

But back on track now, why would he be so weirded out by you not taking your husband’s last name. I would have said “Are you married? And didn’t you take your wife’s last name? Well, there are all kinds of lifestyles these days…”

And even more annoying is him implying that you don’t have as much power in the household as your husband! I would have seriously called him out on that. “Legally, my husband and I are one. My power in this house is no less than his! Thank you! WE don’t want any! Bye!”

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 2:24 am

18 On August 7th, 2009, beta said:

This I truly find fascinating. I live in South America, where we’re usually regarded as a very sexist society and all, but: 1- almost no one changes their last name when they get married (and kids have TWO last names, their dad’s and mom’s – and the order can be switched around to whatever the parents want), and 2- we have a woman as president and it’s no big deal.
That’s stuff I really really enjoy about my country.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 2:59 am

19 On August 7th, 2009, raven said:

i didn’t take either my ex-husband’s name or my current husband’s name. i got no flack from my ex-husbands family. but mine kept sending me things as mrs. ex’s-first-n-last-name. so i had to have a talk w/my family about how i actually don’t identify myself by my husband. how i am, in fact, an individual and not my husband’s chattel. and that i didn’t actually change my name b/c i didn’t feel like filling out a ridiculous amount of paperwork… so would they please address me by my maiden name.

the current husband comes from a somewhat conservative background. he expected me to change my name. i told him that i have nothing against his name, but that i prefer to keep my own. i did allow that if he wanted to fill out all the paperwork and stand in line at the dmv and social security office etc… he was welcome to change it. of course, he did not take me up on the offer! but his mom was terribly upset. i believe the phrase she used was ‘our name isn’t good enough for her?’ and won’t be moved on the matter. consequently, his family addresses us as mr. & mrs. current-husband’s-name. both of us have tried to get them to address me as an individual, but it’s just not sinking in. frankly, i’m not holding my breath on this one.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 5:12 am

20 On August 7th, 2009, Lori said:

That guy must have just beamed in from 1952. What, you’re the first married woman he’s ever met who kept her birth name? He doesn’t get out much, I guess.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 7:35 am

21 On August 7th, 2009, SteveD said:

Sounds like you were having Fun too! We don’t get the vacuum cleaner folks here, but Moron’s and occasional Lighthouse folks too.

I don’t want anyone to call me on the phone or in person to sell me anything. It’s not going to happen.

SteveD

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 8:30 am

22 On August 7th, 2009, SteveD said:

Moron’s – Mormon

Hey it’s 5am.

SteveD

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 8:31 am

23 On August 7th, 2009, Rachel said:

Literate Shrew said: Oy! I feel you too. I usually give my BS reason about school and financial aid woes (my husband and I are both in uni) because I really didn’t enjoy the few conversations I had when I was being 100% honest about it.

Yeah, I usually brush off the awkwardness by saying, “Yeah, I’m one of those feminists,” or “I like my last name better than his” and thought of saying the same in this situation but then I wondered why I feel the need to make any excuses at all. It’s not like this is a new phenomenon — women have been keeping their own names or using hyphenated names for centuries. Granted, it was historically class motivated, but still…

Bethface said: also decided to keep my maiden name. For no other reason then I felt like it. The only time I think I might change it is when I am at my sons school and the other parents treat me like some sort of mutant.

Same here. Well, that and the whole feminist aspect of it. One of the most common things I heard said when I told people this was “What about the children and school?” I just smiled and told ‘em that if we’re lucky, there won’t be any children

Stephanie said: Although one of my friends says it’s quite useful (she didn’t change her name either) if someone asks for Mrs. Hislastname and you can quite honestly say, “There’s no one by that name here.”

Haha, our number is on the do not call list, but we still get telemarketers and the firefighter’s fund and now even the NRA calling for “donations,” which technically aren’t telemarketing. The phone is registered in my husband’s name and so whenever they ask for him and I say that he’s not home and then they ask if I’m Mrs. Clooney, I know that it’s some kind of solicitation call. “She doesn’t live here,” is usually my standard answer because Mrs. Clooney, my mother-in-law, lives several towns over.

@beta: I use Latin countries as an example when people would get shocked when they asked about our children (which we don’t really want, but accidents happen) and I told them that they would also have a hyphenated last name.

@SteveD: We’ve had several religious door-to-door salespeople now and the Mormon boys were actually the rudest of the bunch. I think shilling religion door-to-door is offensive in itself (especially after they have to pass three Buddha statues to get to my front door) but I still try to be polite and say, “I have my own spiritual beliefs, thank you.” These Mormon boys were very persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I finally had to shut the door in their face.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 9:29 am

24 On August 7th, 2009, liz said:

I changed my last name to my husband’s when we got married because I loved the anonymity of “Miller”. My former last name is one that no one can spell correctly if they’ve only heard it said, or say correctly if they’ve only seen it written. Which isn’t made easier by the fact that it actually is pronounced slightly differently depending on what the first name is. My dad’s name, f’rinstance, is Robert. If he introduces himself as Robert then he puts the emphasis on the first sound in his last name. If he introduces himself as Bob then he puts the emphasis on the second sound in his last name.

Seriously.

But I wouldn’t have traded it for anything less easy than Miller.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 10:44 am

25 On August 7th, 2009, Rachel said:

How is it possible that in this day and age there is a person who has (as his reaction would seem to suggest) literally never encountered a married woman who kept her own name? The mind boggles.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 11:43 am

26 On August 7th, 2009, B said:

The funny thing is my response (I am Rachel’s husband by the way)would be to say “No thank you” and shut the door in his face. If it’s good enough for the neighbor boy that wants to cut our no-grass front yard then its good enough for an old man that should know better.

I had a simliar experience with a couple of morman mission boys. After a 5 min one-sided front porch conversation I told them no thanks I have my own beliefs. They asked what church I went to at which point I patted my chest over my heart and slammed the door in their faces.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

27 On August 7th, 2009, Aleksiina said:

I have both my parent’s names, and so do all my cousins, and pretty much all my friends. In the province of Quebec where I was born, it’s pretty common to have both names, and extremely uncommon to take your husband’s name. You see 70, 80 year old women who have their maiden names. My mother married twice and never took her husband’s names, and it never shocked anyone.

It is a source of discord between me and my boyfriend though, since he really wants me to take his name when we marry. I told him nobody owns me haha! Besides, my mother would strangle me if I even considered it (very strong, liberated feminist that she is…)

He comes from Ontario, where pretty much every child has only their father’s name, and where women take their husband’s names, so hello conflict! It’s funny that neighbouring provinces could have such different levels of progressiveness. All my friends that come from other parts of Canada have their father’s name. I guess it’s something to reflect on…

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 1:52 pm

28 On August 7th, 2009, Leah said:

If I ever find the One, and if it’s legal for me to get married in my state (another issue entirely), I’ll either keep my name or do what a hetero acquaintance did: create a new last name that we both take. They picked an entirely new name. I also like the idea of fusing the parts of the two last names. This seems so much more symbolic of the love between partners and of entering into an equal marriage. This newly-named couple I know seem to me to be more likely to be in the 50% who don’t divorce!!

I know for certain that my children will not solely carry the name of their father or other mother (I’m bisexual). I really like what they do in South America and Quebec. Question: if you have two last names, which do you give to your child to be combined with your partner’s name? Do children ever take the full last names of both parents, and have a four-part last name?

I had no idea such progressiveness exists in these areas! ::shouts in joy::

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 3:51 pm

29 On August 7th, 2009, Rachel said:

I toyed with the idea of combining names to make a new name, but neither of us liked the combos. And as it turns out, he’s just as fond of his last name as I am of mine and neither of us wanted to change them.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 3:57 pm

30 On August 7th, 2009, Entangled said:

Having lived only in California and the NY area, I find it weird that he would be surprised at this, especially in a younger couple.

Personally, I am really attached to my last name (it is not only mine, but awesome). I wouldn’t even consider changing it (if prospective partner wants us to be same-named, that is up to him/her to make happen though I think my not wanting children makes it less of a big deal), to the point where I’m always a little surprised when female friends of mine do change their names.

A woman I worked with (maybe 10 years older than me and married) seemed to find my single-mindedness on this really odd. She even asked what I would do if my prospective husband conditioned our marriage on it. Seriously?!?! That is a huge sign that we’re not talking about someone I want to be with.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 5:33 pm

31 On August 7th, 2009, sleepless said:

I took my husband’s surname, partly because they are both as easily mis-spelled (people do it and have done it ALL THE TIME to both), and hyphenation would have sounded stupid, and partly because I didn’t like my own last name anyway and how it made people stumble over all of my name (the combination of letters in first and last is awkward). That said, I don’t really like my first name either :-\ . Nothing personal, Mum & Dad, it’s just that I don’t like them…

My husband didn’t have any opinion one way or another, so it was DEFINITELY NOT through pressure from him that I changed it. But yeah, there was seriously a lot of pressure from people, particularly his relatives assuming that it would be done, and we were very young and there was hardly anything to change anyway, so it was easy enough to change it and avoid the hassle. This was over 15 years ago.

posted on August 7th, 2009 at 10:03 pm

32 On August 8th, 2009, InTheWild said:

When he offered to come back when your husband was home (implying of course that you’re not the REAL decision maker in your home), perhaps you could have asked him for his wife’s phone number so you could tell her you didn’t want to buy his vacuum?

posted on August 8th, 2009 at 7:58 am

33 On August 8th, 2009, Charlotte said:

Wow, I could hear his head explode all the way over here!

I have a lot of friends who hyphenated thier last name when they got married; they just added thier husband’s last name onto thiers, and go by both last names. I may or may not do that. My last name is long, so hyphentating it would make it even longer. If my husband has a shorter last name, I’ll probably take his name just for the convienence of having a shorter last name.

posted on August 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

34 On August 9th, 2009, Michelle said:

“perhaps you could have asked him for his wife’s phone number so you could tell her you didn’t want to buy his vacuum?”

YES! That’s perfect!

My family and friends didn’t treat me as if I were the first married woman ever to keep her birth name… but maybe the second. My mother-in-law was the only one who was upset about it (which was extra weird because it’s not even her name anymore), and even she wasn’t outraged. So there wasn’t much objection, but nearly everyone just assumed that I was taking my husband’s name, and they were quite surprised when they found out I wasn’t. In fact, the only person I recall *asking* me if I was changing my name was my dad’s 80-something-year-old cousin. (Yes, my older relatives are awesome.) I also found that people tended to expect me to have an “excuse” for not wanting to change my name, and I really didn’t have one. I didn’t already have children or publications or business contacts associated with my birth name; I just had my whole life lived under my birth name, and I think that makes my name mine.

My husband liked the idea of both of us having the same name, so he talked about wanting to take my name. But in the end, we decided this was a bad idea in terms of getting along with his family, which is important to us. We also agreed to give his last name to any children we might have, and my last name would be their middle name. In a way, I feel like our choice was similar to my mother’s choice when she got married. My mother wanted to keep her own name, but she didn’t because it would have damaged her relationship with her extremely conservative mother-in-law, and she valued that relationship. A generation later, I was able to keep my name without alienating my in-laws, but my husband couldn’t choose to change his name without giving serious offense, and we were asked to make decisions about naming children several years before we would even consider having them. I wonder what options our (at this point purely hypothetical) children will have.

posted on August 9th, 2009 at 11:35 am

35 On August 9th, 2009, Liza said:

Kirby isn’t anything special. My parents had one and it broke a lot (of course meaning custom parts), plus I don’t see how it was any better than a store vacuum.

posted on August 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm

36 On August 9th, 2009, Rachel said:

I did not want to change my last name, initially, but it was really, really important for my husband to have a “Mrs. Hislastname”. It was one of the few things that he really took a stand on, and took a forcible stand on, so over a year later, I’m finally used to writing it. (It’s still a personal decision that lends careful thought and scrutiny.)

I’d never planned on changing my name, but I suppose whatever works. Actually, instead of changing it completely, I added another middle name. So, it’s “Rachel [Middle Name] [Maiden Name] [Married Name]“. That works for me!

You can bet your butt that I’ll be changing it right back should anything happen that would lead to us not being together.

And, I still use my old last name as my “Artist Identity”. It’s still *technically* my name.

posted on August 9th, 2009 at 5:49 pm