The Day the Music Died

29th June 2009

posted in Personal |

I thought Brandon was kidding when he messaged me earlier this morning with the cryptic note, “I think Cary died.” One hurried Facebook message to Cary’s girlfriend and a phone call a split second later confirmed it. Cary, one of my husband’s best friends from high school and his former band member, died in a motorcycle crash last night. He swerved to avoid hitting a piece of rubber in the roadway and lost control of his bike. He was transported by medical helicopter to one of the best hospitals in the country, but was pronounced dead on arrival.

I only met Cary and his girlfriend several times but Cary was such a gregarious person that it was hard not to become fast friends with him. They both work(ed) for the circus — he as a musician and she in their H.R. department — and travel(ed) about 350 days a year. We’d meet up for dinner each time they visited his folks here in town or performed in a nearby city. The circus was the perfect venue for Cary, a larger-than-life music freak with a passion for performance and thrill-seeking. I was always a bit awed by his stories of the traipsing through the ancient Redwoods in California, of the light mist shrouding Mount Rainier; envious of his ability to travel around the country with no strings, no encumbrances weighing him down. He packed a lot of living into his short 33 years.

Brandon is really shaken up. He came home from work early and as I stood there hugging him, I couldn’t help but wonder what if… Brandon and Cary are the same age… what if something like this had happened to him. The very thought of it was simply unbearable. I guess the message of this post is just to pull your loved ones close and let them know how much they mean to you for you never know when you might lose them. RIP Cary. Wherever you are, I hope there’s music. Lots and lots of good music.

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This entry was posted on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 4:19 pm and is filed under Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On June 29th, 2009, Alyssa (The 39 year-old) said:

I’m so, so sorry!

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 4:45 pm

2 On June 29th, 2009, spoonfork38 said:

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

3 On June 29th, 2009, Kiki said:

I don’t think I’ve commented here before though I might have and not remember it. In any case, I am a long-term reader.

My heart goes out to you, Brandon, Cary and Cary’s family. When I read your final words about pulling your closest ones to you and telling them how much they mean I teared up. The world makes no guarantees, you’re right.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

4 On June 29th, 2009, Charlotte said:

I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to the both of you. It sounds like Cary was an awesome person.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 6:15 pm

5 On June 29th, 2009, Arielle said:

So sorry for the loss of such a great person. Your post definitely has a worthwhile message.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 6:43 pm

6 On June 29th, 2009, bri said:

Thinking of you both.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

7 On June 29th, 2009, Rachel2 said:

I’m so sorry.

Death is unforgiving. Especially at such a young age.

I hope that there’s lots of music. But, keep in mind that the relationship between Brian and Cary won’t end, it just changes.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 9:14 pm

8 On June 29th, 2009, Piffle said:

My condolences, it’s so hard to lose someone who lived so fully.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 9:34 pm

9 On June 29th, 2009, Maureen at IslandRoar said:

You’re right; we never know.
My heart goes out to you both.

posted on June 29th, 2009 at 10:42 pm

10 On June 30th, 2009, Melissa said:

Sorry to hear this Racheal.
Condolences to you and your husband.

Thanks for the reminder.

posted on June 30th, 2009 at 12:15 am

11 On June 30th, 2009, Rachel said:

Thanks, everyone. I think Brandon is coming to terms with it. He was back to his usual joking self when we went walking last night. It’s just really difficult to bury your friends when you’re only in your 30s. Cary was also an only child and I feel horrible for his family and his girlfriend to whom he was devoted. Brandon has never seen him this serious about a woman before. When they were in a band together, they’d often go out to bars and nightclubs and Cary would always have to leave because a girl he once dated walked in. It got to the point where they’d go to gay bars just to avoid running into all of Cary’s exes. The last time we saw him and his girlfriend, they were talking about getting out of the circus altogether and settling down in Seattle or Cary’s house here back home. Cary was such an awesome musician… you just wonder about all that he could have done had he been given the chance.

posted on June 30th, 2009 at 9:30 am

12 On June 30th, 2009, Rachel2 said:

Man, Rachel… Sometimes it is only in death that we are truly appreciated.

We lost Micheal. Farrah. Billy. Ed (Coach in Iowa). Now your friend Cary. All in one week. What on earth is going on??????

posted on June 30th, 2009 at 12:38 pm

13 On June 30th, 2009, Catgal said:

Much love to you, Brandon, and Carys family.

posted on June 30th, 2009 at 4:20 pm

14 On June 30th, 2009, Twistie said:

Oh, Rachel! My sincerest condolences to you, Brandon, and everyone else who knew and loved Cary.

Believe me, my own music-making man is going to get the stuffing hugged out of him tonight.

posted on June 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pm

15 On July 1st, 2009, merri said:

I’m really sorry for your loss..

posted on July 1st, 2009 at 8:15 pm

16 On July 6th, 2009, The Beat Goes On » The-F-Word.org said:

[...] in mind namely because I can’t see us as ever having and raising a boy-child, but after our friend’s death last week, I think that Cary would be a fine name for a boy. What are your favorite baby [...]

posted on July 6th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

17 On July 16th, 2009, miranda said:

i can understand. my best friend died early june. she was only 16 i still don’t believe it .

rip <3

posted on July 16th, 2009 at 4:05 pm

18 On July 21st, 2009, Secrets to a long life revealed » The-F-Word.org said:

[...] that doesn’t change the fact that most of life is one big crapshoot. Just ask my friend, Cary, who ran nine miles a day and ate healthy foods and yet still wasn’t strong enough to [...]

posted on July 21st, 2009 at 1:01 pm