Reader Challenge: Thank your body

15th December 2008

Reader Challenge: Thank your body

posted in Body Image, Fat Bias, Mental Health, Personal |

I’ve spent most of my life apologizing for the way I look. As a kid, I internalized the attacks, the taunts, the harassment because I felt I deserved it — I was fat. When I couldn’t find stylish clothes to fit my bourgeoning body, I thought that it was my body that was problematic and not clothing manufacturers that don’t cater to 60 percent or more of the general population — I was fat. I refused to go swimming in public and stopped wearing sleeveless shirts and shorts not because I didn’t like pools or the styles, but because I was ashamed of my body — I was fat. Upon encountering rude sales clerks or wait staff at restaurants, I accepted substandard customer service because it had become so rote — I was fat. When women at work would bemoan the wideness of their hips or their colossal thighs, I’d join in and critique my body, too — I was fat.

My eating disorder developed, in part, as a form of atonement for my body. When I look back to those hellish years and at all the trauma and damage I did to my body in a singular attempt of reaching that mythical status of ‘thin enough,’ I’m in complete awe that my only souvenirs are a (non-life-threatening) heart condition and mental scarring. The human body is truly an amazing thing; it has evolved for centuries with one goal in mind: survival. All of the physical side effects I experienced throughout my disorder — the hair loss, muscle cramps, amenorrhea, blackout episodes, dizziness, cold sensitivity, weakness and fatigue, teeth damage, depression, etc… — weren’t just symptoms; they were also warning signs, tangible messages sent from my body to alert me that something was terribly awry in the state of Rachel.

The film “Love Story” gave us the oft-repeated and now trite line, “Being in love means never having to say you’re sorry.” For Huffington Post contributor Adia Colar, the same goes for our bodies. Colar, who also struggled with an eating disorder, had an epiphany one day before the mirror.

After lambasting myself and nursing an eating disorder for years, I assumed that if I apologized for the changes my body was experiencing, I would be making strides towards accepting my looks. I thought, Instead of continuing to criticize myself, let me forgive myself for gaining weight and not looking the way I used to. Eventually I wondered why I felt the need to apologize at all.

Instead, Colar decided to begin thanking her body, and in the article, lists some of the ways in which she now pays tribute to her physical carriage:

· “Body, you didn’t understand why I was overexercising and purging to fit into that dress. You had no clue what a diet was. You didn’t know I was purposely undereating. You assumed that since I wasn’t getting enough food, there must be a famine, and you were trying to store up as many nutrients as possible. I was mad at you because I wasn’t dropping weight, but really, you were just trying to make sure I’d survive. Thank you, body, for protecting me.”

· “I can’t believe I did that move on the dance floor! I’m gonna be sorrre tomorrow, but for now — I’m just glad my body could get that low.”

· “Thank you, body, for loving me unconditionally even when I didn’t love you.”

Colar issued a challenge to HuffPo readers that I’d like to adopt here:

Find some part of your body that you appreciate and thank yourself for it. It might be your biceps that allowed you to lift that heavy storage box. It might be your curly red hair that you’ve learned to appreciate after all these years. …It doesn’t matter how big or small it is; identify a body part you like and say, “thanks, body part”.

I think you will find what I’ve discovered, which is that when I sincerely thank my body for taking care of me, I no longer feel the need to apologize for it. I want to treat it lovingly. …In essence, I want to take care of my body the way it’s taking care of me.

This kind of echoes the point I tried to make in my post about director Kevin Smith: When you treat your body as an ally and not a foreign entity to be conquered, whittled and tamed into submission, your body responds accordingly. I don’t think I will ever come to love and appreciate the 15-20 pounds of loose skin (thanks to the dramatic and rapid weight loss) I have that leaves me resembling a shar pei, but that’s okay. The challenge doesn’t require you to have 100 percent body satisfaction or to be a poster child for self-esteem — it’s called a challenge for a reason. Find some part of your body that you like and appreciate and start from there. Make a personal pledge to add to this list each day, week, month — however long you need. Here’s a few of mine:

Body, you must have been terribly confused when I began pushing you to your physical limits without sufficient energy (food). Even when I didn’t care what happened to you, you cared about me. When I gave up on you, you didn’t give up on me. Thanks for that.
Thanks, hair, for being so fabulous. You get compliments nearly every day from total strangers, who ask who your stylist is. You’re so easy to fix in the mornings and you flatter my face and fit my personality perfectly.
Brain, I’ve always thought you were against me what with the depression and ADD you’ve hoisted upon me, but now I see that these two conditions not only make me who I am, they have their positives, too. Depression, you’re inextricably linked to my creative side, and you, ADD, allow me to hyperfocus on those things I’m passionate about. ADD, you’re also probably the reason why I’m such an intuitive and highly compassionate person — good traits to have in general, but especially beneficial for journalists.

What are a few of your own body positives?

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This entry was posted on Monday, December 15th, 2008 at 12:03 pm and is filed under Body Image, Fat Bias, Mental Health, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On December 15th, 2008, Charlynn said:

Great post! I felt apologetic for my body for the longest time and never knew why until I had to break the cycle of my eating disorder.

My body positives:

-My hair. Thank god it didn’t fall out permanently. I lost a lot of volume in my hair over the course of my eating disorder; it also slowed its growth waaaaay down. Now it grows like a weed, just like it did before. It’s long and I’m growing it down to my waist because I can. Sometimes I even manage to make it look pretty, too.

-My hands. I’ve always liked my long, slender fingers. They’re perfect for typing and playing the piano.

- My brain. As much as it’s put me through, I’ve put it through just as much. We’ve somehow managed to stick together. I am grateful for that.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 2:44 pm

2 On December 15th, 2008, pyewacket said:

Oh, I love this idea.

Hair, thank you for being thick and glossy and wavy. I think I’ll grow you out and celebrate the abundance.

Feet, thank you for slowly recovering from plantar fasciitis. Slow recovery beats no recovery, and I pledge to do my exercises and activities that will help you heal.

Breasts, thank you for nourishing and protecting my children so brilliantly for all those years. I shall pamper you with a proper bra when next I get a chance.

Muscles, we’re out of touch and I miss you. Let’s make a yoga date, shall we?

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 3:19 pm

3 On December 15th, 2008, Katia said:

Big strong thighs, big strong seat, and … thank you fat, for keeping me warm.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 4:23 pm

4 On December 15th, 2008, Twistie said:

Thanks, eyes. Not only are you a gorgeous shade of blue, you take in the beauty of the world and the wisdom of words.

Thanks, hands. You are small and stubby, but you are strong and capable. You make pie crust that always turns out perfectly, weave lace that is delicate and beautiful, cuddle my cat so that he feels secure and loved, clap in time to the music my beloved plays, and wear all those rings and nail polish so prettily.

Thanks, mouth. You have pretty lips and allow me to speak out loud. You allow me to sing. You are fabulous.

Thanks, legs and feet. You can walk for long distances without giving up. You carry me without complaint.

Thanks, shoulders. You aren’t broad, but you are strong and absorbant. You allow me to carry the burdens of myself and my friends.

Thanks, heart. Your beat is steady and strong. Thank you for never letting me down physically or emotionally.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 6:01 pm

5 On December 15th, 2008, Melissa said:

rachel; i was a very fat, very tortured and teased kid and a 200 pound teenager and a very anorexic 20 year old and a very bulimic thirty year old. at 44, i’m doing pretty good. i just wondered about your response to me on ED bites. did something i say seem negative? i never want to defend the horrid way america treats us women. and the standards that are set for us and by us. does that make sense?

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 8:48 pm

6 On December 15th, 2008, fuzzyoctopus said:

Dear calves,

No one told my DNA that thin, slender calves are the thing to have and the only kind that companies make boots to fit. You are and have always been a firm, muscular part of myself, a healthy group of muscles that lets me walk, run, jog, jump, pivot, dance, and many other things I take for granted each day of my life. You are thick, strong mucles that allow me to walk for miles and not have to stop. I am sorry that the shoe companies refuse to honor you by making boots that would caress you gently and show off your beauty, but instead make you stuff yourselves into a tiny model that you will never fit. I am sorry for being ashamed of the way you look when I try dainty things on. We are not dainty. We are powerful.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

7 On December 15th, 2008, Fangirl said:

Thank you, hands, for being long and slender and yet distinctively shaped; everyone can always tell when it’s my hand that’s been traced, and you let me do all of these cool things (like write and type and scratch behind the cats’ ears).

Thank you, eyes, for being able to see. It really means a lot to me. I would be very sad without you.

Thank you, brain, for existing and making me good at school and passionate about stuff. I will never, ever apologize for using you.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 9:11 pm

8 On December 15th, 2008, Rachel said:

Hey Melissa — Nope, I didn’t think you sounded negative. You wrote that you didn’t quite understand the analogy made in the image, so I was opining on the meaning behind it.

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 9:32 pm

9 On December 15th, 2008, Melissa said:

rachel; thank you for your clarification. i’m heading off for rehab on wednesday, and i’m so anxious, that i’m not thinking super straight. your blog looks great. and i always like your comments on other blogs. i have to sign off now, but i look forward to reading your blog tomorrow. thanks again. melissa

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 9:44 pm

10 On December 15th, 2008, Rachel said:

Good luck with rehab, Melissa. And thanks for commenting

posted on December 15th, 2008 at 9:49 pm

11 On December 16th, 2008, Stephanie said:

Dear brain: thanks for working so well, even when I’m throwing so many things at you that you should be unutterably confused.

Dear skin: I have no idea why you cleared up and stopped being a grease slick (other than getting older) but I will totally take it, and most days, I look at you and think, “Why am I worried about buying foundation?”

Dear butt: thanks for letting me sit on you for hours a day. No, really. It’s awesome. Also, thanks for, with my hips, being DEFINITELY wide enough to let me bear children without too many problems (although I haven’t tried), unlike my great-grandmother.

Dear muscles: Thanks for building up quickly and easily, even when I don’t try very hard. I’d be happy if you just worked, but you go above and beyond the call of duty (well, okay, not really, hi DNA) and get awesome definition.

Dear ears: You are awesome. What more can I say?

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 12:06 am

12 On December 16th, 2008, Olivia said:

Dear Butt,
you are my best feature, everybody says so, even when I didn’t appreciate you. you converted the beloved to a butt-appreciater and an appreciater of not rake-thin girls–that is quite some powers of persuasion you have. thank you.
Love, Olivia
Dear Hands,
i always hated the way you looked, but you type so speedily and do everything i ask of you, and now i see you look perfect for all of those tasks. thank you.
Love, Olivia
Dear Belly,
i am still working on loving you–i still think i liked you better when i could see all of your muscles. but those muscles are still there, and stronger than ever, working to help me through my day. i’ll get there with you, and i know you’ll be patient with me. thank you.
Love, Olivia

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 1:36 am

13 On December 16th, 2008, annaham said:

Dear brain,

Thank you for ACTUALLY working, even when I am having pain issues.

Dear nose/sense of smell,

You are the only part of me that works like it’s supposed to 99% of the time, which is awesome.

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 7:08 am

14 On December 16th, 2008, Katharine said:

Dear hair: Thank you for becoming curly in my thirties! That was an awesome surprise. And thank you for the cool streak of silver from my right temple, which looks superheroic.

Dear body: Thank you for holding out through accidental injury and me starving you and overworking you to become stronger than ever. Thank you for the sturdy muscularity that lets me impress others by hefting large bags and bales. Thank you for building up the muscle round my injured knee so that despite my torn ACL, I don’t need a brace and rarely feel discomfort. Thank you for my little waist and freakishly large shoulders and prominent collarbones, all of which I love however hard they are to fit into clothes.

Dear skin: Thank you for staying nice despite above-mentioned starvation &c. Thank you for carrying on my mother’s genetics and not really wrinkling as I get older.

Dear eyes: Thank you for being spectacular.

Dear voice: Thank you for responding to singing lessons in such a gratifyingly huge way.

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am

15 On December 16th, 2008, Ellen said:

Wow, awesome, awesome post. I was so emotional and inspired when I started to think about my own journey and my own feelings I just spent 20 minutes blogging about my own experience. What a cathartic thing! (I hate that word). Thank you for posting this. I want to change my attitude about my body and I think I am taking a step in the right direction in taking this challenge…

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 5:06 pm

16 On December 16th, 2008, DDL said:

Oily skin, you are rockstar awesome. All that oil has kept my skin wrinkle-free and because of you people think I’m 10-15 years younger than I actually am. Love. that.

And to my butt, thank you so much for not deflating when I do lose weight. I’d be sad without you, you bubbly thing you. And I’d look really funny with a flat ass.

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 6:56 pm

17 On December 16th, 2008, Cecelia said:

This is a fabulous idea!

I am going to link this post to my blog so other readers can partake in this!

Okay…

Dear Body,

I thank my hands so I can type, write, and create!

I thank my arms for their beauty and strength!

I thank my legs for being so powerful and beautiful!

I thank my long hair, yes it is 22 inches long now, yeah!

I thank my feet for their beauty and being able to walk barefoot all of the time in the summer!

I thank all other parts of my body for healing, evening out and healing from my eating disorder over the past few years!

YAH!

posted on December 16th, 2008 at 10:27 pm

18 On January 7th, 2009, Diana Fernkurs said:

This is a nice idea!

I thank you my hair for being glossy and soft. I always get lots of compliments because of you.

I thank you my legs, because of you, I look good in short shorts even if my body is not that beautiful.

I thank you my belly, even if you have lots of flab, I still feel good having you.

Most of all, I thank you my brain, because you are always active and full of ideas. Because of you, I got A grades in school.

posted on January 7th, 2009 at 2:20 am

19 On June 26th, 2009, Adia said:

Wow! I just saw this blog post and I feel honored that you incorporated some of my blog entry.

I love reading everyone’s body positives; they remind me to focus on my own positives today.

Thanks again!

posted on June 26th, 2009 at 6:19 pm