Carolyn Hax takes on workplace dieting

1st December 2008

Carolyn Hax takes on workplace dieting

posted in Body Image, Diets |

Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax earned major body acceptance points with me last year for this astute advice and after reading last Wednesday’s column, she’s now off the charts.

A (presumably female) office worker wrote in to Carolyn complaining about a co-worker (”Patty”) who keeps a large supply of candy on hand. Several times a year, Patty fills a basket with candy and places it in a prominent spot for her fellow co-workers to help themselves. What a nice gesture, huh? Not according to the letter writer. She suspects that Patty isn’t doing this out of altruism, but rather in an attempt to sabotage the rededicated dieting efforts of her and several weight-loss-aspiring coworkers — as she writes, “It has happened often enough through the years for us to draw a correlation.” The letter writer is angry at Patty for “doing this deliberately” and asks Carolyn, “Can we ask her to remove the basket? Should we go to our supervisor? Should we just get a life?”

Here’s Carolyn’s response, in part:

…Skip the candy, duh, of course. But more important: Put the group-dieting idea out of its misery for good.

For one thing, it clearly isn’t working. People maintaining healthy weights don’t launch group diets with such frequency that behavior patterns emerge — as in, “often enough through the years for us to draw a correlation.”

Then there’s the matter of exclusion. Whenever “several of us” launch a group diet, the remaining colleagues become witnesses to, without opportunity to participate in, a public bonding moment. That is the whole point of a group diet, after all — to support one another toward a common goal. But your office also has a common goal of getting a job done, a goal that cliquishness undermines.

A large office might be able to absorb any number of social subgroups, but in small offices, exclusivity is a morale buster far more serious than some inanimate basket of candy. Simple answer: Summon the willpower to resist clusters of both the social and caramel kind.

While reading the letter, the fact that dieting seems to be a frequent occurrence for these band of co-workers jumped out at me, but I hadn’t considered the aspect that workplace dieting support groups foster an insiders kind of clique that serves to exclude other coworkers. My company sponsors one of those annoying workplace Biggest Loser competitions each year and also a Weight Watchers support group, but apart from unsolicited emails advertising these programs, I don’t often hear dieting discussed much. This could be, of course, due to the fact that I am a remote user and work most often from my home and neither the bunnies or the kitties care much what they weigh.

How about you: Does your workplace sponsor or promote dieting programs, excuse me, “wellness” programs? Are your co-workers on the South Beach Diet, The Hollywood Diet, The Grapefruit Diet, The Only Eat Cookies Diet or the current diet du jour of the month? Do you feel excluded if you don’t participate? How do you handle the urge to gouge out your eardrums upon hearing co-workers discuss dieting and weight-loss?

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1 On December 1st, 2008, iheartchocolat said:

Thanks for writing about this, and citing that advice column. I have been working at job that sponsors a training/weight loss program, also known as the wellness program. Basically, participants are required to limit their diets and calories, to keep track of it, exercise so many times a week, and train one day a week as a group with a trainer. I have zero desire to participate in this activity for many reasons, mainly the diet portion, but I also don’t like group exercising. BUT, every quarter we’re sent multiple emails begging us to participate, which is obnoxious. Then, everyone is on their diet and eating TOO much…there’s a chart in our small kitchen which tells you what are “bad,” “good,” and “neutral” foods. So, my general feeling is one of guilt because I’m not trying to be “well” by participating, I feel like I have to hide my “bad” food, and then everyone is always discussing it, not to mention being absent from their desks for most of one day of the week, which causes a stress to those of us who don’t participate. End result is a feeling of separation, almost like those who aren’t participating (I’m not the only one) are bad, and everyone else is good. Who needs to feel like that?

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 10:41 am

2 On December 1st, 2008, Carrie said:

This is just fantastic advice. I started my blog in part due to a workplace diet of phenominal proportions. I ultimately quit because of this mentality- not just the dieting but the fact that I wasn’t part of the group. All you need to do is read my archives from Jan-March 2007 and you’ll see what I mean.

And the chocolates? Happened to me. Except my co-workers didn’t ask. They voted the chocolates off my desk (yes, a poll of the office was conducted without my knowledge). I put them back up and kept finding them in my drawer whenever I left my desk.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 10:42 am

3 On December 1st, 2008, liz said:

Yet another reason to love CH.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 11:48 am

4 On December 1st, 2008, ladyjaye said:

@Carrie: That’s pretty rude of your co-workers. Sorry, but if someone’s food on their desk is enough to trigger some kind of bitchy behaviour on the others’ part, then these people need to start not being so hung-up about food.

The only wellness program I’ve seen my employer use was one for the gym, whereas they’d reimburse part of the monthly subscription. Only problem was, that gym may be fantastic and located next-door to the office, but it’s also about twice as expensive as other gyms, even after the rebate (unless one’s under the age of 30). My employer won’t reimburse other exercise class (like my aquagym class).

I do hear some kind of bullshit diet talk around here in the office, but not from my team of work. Doesn’t make me want to eat in the kitchen at work, in case some people there start to talk diets again. *sigh*

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 12:07 pm

5 On December 1st, 2008, sarah said:

God, that’s insane. This kind of thing really makes me feel crazy–to think of the group of women in this office who are whispering between their desks about the Patty candy conspiracy! My office has a snack cabinet that is half healthy–granola bars, nuts, etc–and half “junk food” (candy, cookies, etc.). Sure, there have been times–like when I’m going to get my 5th mini reeses of the day, when I’ve cursed the availability of such treats, but I would never think of demanding that my office stop buying them! Who am I to make that decision for everyone? Also, if it’s so hard for you to diet that you can’t bring in your own snacks, or just avoid snacking all together, isn’t the obvious choice to re-evaluate the diet? I know I’m preaching to choir, but the lack of common sense astounds me…

I’m also really shocked to hear about the prevalence of office “wellness” campaigns and competitions. This kind of thing would really upset me if I had to deal with it in my workplace, and I absolutely think I would submit a complaint. People can deal with their health and fitness in their own terms, on their own time.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 12:14 pm

6 On December 1st, 2008, DivaJean said:

I hate workplace dieters.

My employer has these frequent “Biggest Loser” weight loss campaigns– and lots of people join into teams to try to lose weight & win prizes (usually logoed clothing or chotchkes). A bunch of gals in my department are always in on this and think each time will be different. All I see is crazy diet talk and yoyoing. I have gotten to where I don’t with them anymore– its just too boring. Often the conversation is downright crazymaking, like when they talk about how many calories each lunch has in comparison to each other– then turn around and talk about which restaurant has the best desserts (its almost porno how they go on about sweets!). When I (the fattest of the bunch)point out the insanity of it all, they get all defensive with me– about how they are at least “doing something” about their size. Whatever.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 1:12 pm

7 On December 1st, 2008, thordora said:

There’s FAR too much of this crap in my workplace-biggest loser, SFL, walking clubs-all things that see interest wane when the contest ends.

Drives me INSANE. I’ve half a find to start a HAES contest just to spite the woman who runs the programs-a woman who has admitted that she has one of those rare metabolisms that allow her to eat anything without exercise-while she mocks the overweight.

Drives me INSANE. Why can’t people just be HAPPY with themselves?!?!?!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 1:35 pm

8 On December 1st, 2008, Cammy said:

Right now I attend a university with one of the highest ED rates in the country, and although I’m not sure if technically counts as a “workplace,” I can definitely relate to how hard it is to be in recovery amid a “group diet” atomsphere. I thought a recent episode of The Office did a good job of poking fun at how ridiculous the Diet Club/Contests are. I know it sounds naive, but I really wish that people could worry about keeping themselves healthy, whatever that may mean for them, without having to turn it into a clique or a contest or a mechanism for shame.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 1:54 pm

9 On December 1st, 2008, martini said:

I have almost the opposite problem… my desk is in the high-traffic area of the office, so when people bring in treats or there is leftover food from a meeting, it ends up sitting right outside my cubicle. That’s not a problem in and of itself, but it means that when this happens, people hang around just outside my desk, and they all want to talk about whether or not they will eat whatever is there.

I’m not particularly interested in having these conversations, where someone extols their virtue because they’re not eating, or talks about how ‘bad’ they are for eating something, or has a long debate about whether half a cookie is just too much food for any person to reasonably eat, or that it will spoil whatever diet they’re currently on. They also just talk into the air, so I’m never sure if I’m expected to turn around and engage or not, but I usually choose not. People, you are grownups. Make a choice and shut up about it so I can do my work!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 2:02 pm

10 On December 1st, 2008, Heidi said:

My last job was a haven with regards to food…my boss was also a large woman and I had many conversations with her over the four years that I worked there about our disillusionment with diets, frustrations about health issues being automatically blamed on size, and so forth. ONE of my co-workers (a man!) was constantly on about his latest diet, blah blah blah and it was pretty easy to ignore him.

Fast-forwarding to our move and my current job, while it’s not a diet-rabid place, it is so strange to go get a piece of cake, or one of the cookies that is always around in the office after the MANY meetings that we host, and hear a co-worker declaring how EVIL the food is and how BAD she is to be taking any of it. We had a pizza party a couple of weeks ago and the woman behind me was explaining to me how *bad* it would be of her to take a breadstick. Considering that I’m twice her size, I wondered what was going through her head when she said it and what she was comparing herself to.

I miss that easy atmosphere where food wasn’t evil. Good for Carolyn Hax!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 2:30 pm

11 On December 1st, 2008, Rachel said:

So, does anyone have any suggestions on we can better shield ourselves from office diet talk? Any snappy comebacks? Clever quips? Headphone suggestions?

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 2:46 pm

12 On December 1st, 2008, Charlynn said:

Yep, my workplace does its own “wellness” challenge, but you already knew that. This year, it’s even worse thanks to a “wellness” questionnaire we had to fill out if we wanted a discount on our insurance premiums. The idea is to make us aware of “lifestyle changes” we can make to be “healthier.” Mmhm. I’ll be blogging about it, so stay tuned.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 3:07 pm

13 On December 1st, 2008, noelle said:

The diet talk at my workplace has gotten so bad that I have actually started eating my lunch in my car rather than in the lounge. It is very difficult to enjoy your lunch while everyone around you (none of whom are even particularly overweight) are constantly talking about either their diet or their exercise regimen. And, of course it is all well coated in wellness-speak. I haven’t really minded eating my car, but the temperatures here are dropping below freezing now, so it is becoming less practical. Now there is talk of doing a “biggest loser” type contest starting before Christmas and continuing into the New Year to help everyone avoid gaining over the holidays.

Since the idea for the contest is coming from the rank and file, I think I will print out a copy of Hax’s column and stick it in my boss’s mailbox. Maybe that will help–it certainly can’t hurt. Any other suggestions for coping? The weather is going to force my return to the lounge very soon.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 3:36 pm

14 On December 1st, 2008, Katherine said:

Thank goodness I work at a non-profit. We really just don’t have the money or the time to care about this kind of thing. Many weeks there is usually leftover food and/or desserts in the break room from a training or another event. Sometimes leftover food comes from other organizations who share the building with us and sometimes people just “donate” food, such as this sweet woman we call “the cake lady” who brings in a cake for us every once in a while just because. The stuff is usually gone in an hour or less–we all make little enough money that we take free food where we can find it!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 3:44 pm

15 On December 1st, 2008, cubicalgirl said:

My company doesn’t spoonsor dieting contests, but you’d never know it the way the kitchen freezer is chock-a-block with Lean Cuisines. Honestly, I just ignore it. It’s not part of my job to comment on what other people eat and I refuse to be sucked into their shame-spiral. I’ll tell you what though, I love it when they comment on my lunches. I tend to cook at home and bring in leftovers – really good stuff like homemade veggie burritos. My coworkers drool over my lunch (Wouldn’t you if you were eating frozen cardboard?) and I take the opportunity to tell them that what I’m eating is homemade, easy to make, healthy, and tastes delicious. I like to plant a little seed and see if they can make the jump to realizing that with a little planning they can eat tasty healthy lunches, too. I do have one coworker who will tell you if you’re being good (eating salad) or bad (eating something that’s not salad) and I happily tell her that I do not equate my self-worth with the food I eat and I would appreaciate it if she restrained her judgement to her own meals.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 3:50 pm

16 On December 1st, 2008, buttercup said:

A couple of weeks ago, one of my managers was ribbing one of my co-workers about how much weight she was going to gain (she’s a very petite woman) during her pregnancy and how she was going to get fat and waddle and how she was going to do nothing but eat. This conversation took place right across from my desk, in his office with the door open, and it was a loud conversation. I stood up, said “excuse me, the conversation you two are having is making me feel very uncomfortable and if you’re going to talk shit on this little tiny woman for getting fat because she’s pregnant with me sitting right here with my size 26 ass, I’d appreciate it if you’d close the door.” They were both rather shocked and the manager apologized to me later and said he’d be more careful to consider what impact his words would have on others in the future.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 5:32 pm

17 On December 1st, 2008, eli said:

I now have a complex about eating in front of people I work with.

Once, I was eating a doughnut, and my boss walked out of her office and said, “Disgusting!” The tone was cheerful and probably including quite a bit of jealousy and longing, but still not appropriate. And once I was eating fast food in the kitchen and she made a comment about how “healthy” it was.

She’s also that woman who sucks the joy out of getting cake on people’s birthdays by going on about how it’s going to her hips.

And I’ve walked into the kitchen when she’s been getting a biscuit out of the communal tin and she’s gone, “Oh, you’ve caught me!” And it seriously took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about. And it’s like, I don’t give a crap if you’re having cookies!

Seriously, the next time someone makes a comment about what I’m eating, my response is going to be, “Can you keep your food issues off of my lunch?”

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 5:56 pm

18 On December 1st, 2008, Bree said:

Thank goodness I work at a non-profit. We really just don’t have the money or the time to care about this kind of thing.

Same here. There are just four of us in the office, and while one co-worker is dieting, she still goes out to eat, eats fast food from time to time, and will eat desserts. She has just increased her exercise and brings fruits and veggies to snack on. Occasionally she’ll bring up diet talk, but it is not so annoying that I have to leave the room. She does not criticize my weight, which is wonderful. My boss, OTOH, has Celiac’s disease, so she is very limited in what she can eat unless it’s made with gluten-free products or cornmeal. She has to diet so she won’t be sick. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Also, my workplace does not receive the batches of goodies that other offices might get during the holidays, due to the industry we work in (human service/social services). My mom works for a doctor’s office, and they are spoiled by drug reps. Cheesecakes, candy, catered luncheons, you name it. My office receives a church visit where they bring us fruit, Chex mix, soda, and a few loose candies. I actually prefer that, not because it’s “healthier,” but because it’s snack food and it doesn’t sit around for weeks. Whatever we don’t eat, we give away to our homeless families, and I’d rather have those in need eat what we would probably waste.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 6:10 pm

19 On December 1st, 2008, Rachel said:

Buttercup, what a great response!

Some of what people here have described almost sounds like workplace harassment. We all have a right to work in a pressure-free and healthy environment. Has anyone here ever complained to human resources about comments they’ve received or overheard related to dieting and weight-loss?

My company offers an anonymous employee survey each year and one of the question last year asked about the company’s Weight Watchers and Biggest Loser promotions. I let them have it, saying that such policies only serve to ostracize fat employees and set them apart as “the other,” and constantly trigger people who are recovering from eating disorders. I don’t know if they even read my comments, but I have noticed that talk of these programs has been toned down this year and that I don’t receive nearly as many emails on them as I used to. I like to think that my comments did make some kind of difference.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 6:14 pm

20 On December 1st, 2008, Emerald said:

Thankfully, I work in a place where there’s me, one other lady who’s fatter than me and couldn’t give a damn about diets, and a newish girl who sometimes talks about how she really has to cut down sometime (she has a sister who’s about 400lb, apparently, who’s treated as being the dire warning to the rest of her family as to how they could get if they’re not careful, which I find pretty sad) but generally tends to eat what she wants anyway. And then there are the guys, and although one of them is a real health freak, he keeps it to himself and never comments on what anyone else eats, and he comes and has birthday cake, potlucks, whatever, with the rest of us.

I’ve worked in offices before where I used to get told off for eating a banana because they were so horribly fattening; and because I was the only one who didn’t diet, I got ‘Well I may be fatter than you now, but in five years’ time I’ll be really thin and you’ll still be fat!’ And I worked in one office where after two new girls joined, any of us who were fat or old (that was me and about three other people, including the boss, from an office of twenty-odd) were totally excluded from a sudden series of lavish social events, which they’d organize more or less openly in the knowledge that nobody would dream of telling them they ‘had’ to invite the outsiders because they weren’t official work events. So all in all, I regard the place where I am now as pretty sane considering.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 6:36 pm

21 On December 1st, 2008, InTheWild said:

How to respond to “wellness efforts” and diet talk (whether or not it’s sponsored by the employer) is a tough one. If coworkers were trying to recruit me for their cult, or some other inappropriate workplace activity, it would be very easy for me to say “I don’t think this belongs in my workplace.” But if I say something about the diet talk, I am obviously from another planet, because who doesn’t agree with losing weight, getting healthier, blah blah blah??!!??

How I approach this subject depends a lot on what I want to happen. Much of the time, the best I can hope to do is to plant a seed that will get someone thinking. I won’t change the diet obsession in my workplace, but I *can* get my HR department to think long and hard about their wellness programs. This is cynical, to say the least, but in my workplace, it has helped to focus on “what’s in it for them.” Our HR department (which I worked in, tangentially) adopted WW @ Work as a cost saving measure, because WW had snowed them into believing a “thinner workforce is a healthier workforce” so I brought them facts and figures on the obesity myth. It was a side they had never seen before. No one markets that information to HR departments, but places like WW and lots of other “wellness” programs are being massively marketed as cost cutting measures.

Our HR folks also brought in this program as a touchy feely way to show that “they care” about their staff. So doing things like Rachel suggested, giving them feedback that such programs can be oppressive, can be an eye opener for them too.

My coworkers’ frequent diet talk is probably no different than in any other workplace. Diet talk and body hatred are a common language that even strangers can speak to one another (like today when a woman I don’t know started telling me how she hates her body, as we were browsing the clothing racks in a store). I think most of the time I shy away from confrontation about it at work because I think I have to have the perfect snappy comeback, one that shuts them down AND enlightens them about size acceptance/body diversity all in 25 words or less. That’s when I have to remind myself “What do I want to happen here?” If I want them to just lay off, I will nicely but firmly say “I find this topic inappropriate for work” the same way I would if someone wanted to discuss bowel movements in the break room, or how much credit card debt they think our colleague has, or whatever.

Diet talk and body hatred trigger my ED issues. But I don’t talk about that at work. I just shut down the conversation as best I can with a verbal Stop Sign, and remember that I am doing this to take care of myself. And that is usually the bottom line of what I want to get out of the encounter: Me taking care of me. Cuz if I don’t take care of me, nobody else is going to.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 6:48 pm

22 On December 1st, 2008, Twistie said:

This entire thread makes me heave a huge sigh of relief that I’m self-employed and work from home.

Back when I did work with others I had to be face-to-face with, workplace weightloss contests/cliques weren’t common, and most of the people I worked with had better things to worry about than the moral weight of an afternoon mocha or deciding to have avocado on their sandwich at lunch.

Pretty much the worst I ever had to deal with in that regard was a brief volunteer stint in a museum where the woman who booked tours of the facility would simper every afternoon as she microwaved some popcorn about how BAD she was being. She would often invited me to share, but always in terms of we’ll be BAD together. I’d have some popcorn if I was hungry, and I’d tell her I didn’t have time that day when I didn’t want any. I never did agree that I was being BAD by having a handful or two of microwave popcorn.

Darn thing was, she was quite thin, almost gaunt.

Oh, and another woman mentioned once or twice that she was thinking of cutting back on sweets. I don’t know if she ever did it. After a couple small mentions, she didn’t bring it up again.

Most of the places I’ve worked, though, haven’t made a big deal about weight and food.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 6:50 pm

23 On December 1st, 2008, buttercup said:

Rachel, thanks, it was very difficult to stand up and say that and I was shaking and crying for about ten minutes after that, but it was totally worth it.

Eli,
“Seriously, the next time someone makes a comment about what I’m eating, my response is going to be, “Can you keep your food issues off of my lunch?””
I’m stealing this!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 7:05 pm

24 On December 1st, 2008, Rachel said:

Twistie, your comments remind me of yet another reason why I don’t condone and support dieting even in friendly chats with coworkers. Throughout my eating disorder, pro-dieting comments and positive remarks about my weight loss from co-workers only spurred me on in my disorder. Eating disorders do not discriminate on the basis of age, gender, ethnicity, class and you can’t tell if someone has one based on their size alone. Certainly many of the coworkers and stories here demonstrate a lot of people with disordered relationships with food. I wonder how many of them have actual eating disorders, in which case, participating in diet talk with them may only exacerbate their disorder.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 7:18 pm

25 On December 1st, 2008, Enomis said:

People don’t talk to me much about diets and losing weight, mostly because I shut them down pretty good the first time they try. I basically tell them that I’m not interesting in hearing any talk that is disparaging about women’s bodies because it is oppressive and destructive to all women to speak negatively about any women’s body. That pretty much nips it in the bud, and outs me as a massive feminist at the same time. Awesome!

What I really want is for them to think about how their diet/body obsessions are damaging to them. I’d be cool with it if they wanted to talk about that with me!

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 9:03 pm

26 On December 1st, 2008, Melissa said:

Looking at it now, it sounds insane to accuse people of intentionally putting candy to detract you from your diet or to make you fat, but, I use to get irritated like this at work.

We had this lady who would always bring in junk food and not eat it but leave it for us to eat and of course I’d get irrate, because I had this mentality very similiar to the one described in your post.
I actually wouldn’t do a vote, I’d just throw the stuff away and say other customers ate it.

Anyways I never realized how irrational we were being and how it was my own mental issues if I couldn’t resist that chocolate or candy. She probably was trying to be nice, but because she was usually snotty and rude to me, I took as further evidence that she was trying to keep me fat.

Strange I know, but I totally saw myself in that letter. Although I would have never written in for advice, I just threw things out!
Glad I’m not like that anymore.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 9:12 pm

27 On December 1st, 2008, Becca said:

I work in a large county government in Washington state. Our health insurance out of pocket costs are tied to our participation in a program that essentially boils down to weight loss. If we don’t participate, we get the highest out of pocket costs, if we do a health survey we get the mid level costs, and if we do an “action plan” after the survey, we get the lowest out of pocket costs. The action plan is based on the survey results. If your BMI is too high, or you smoke, or have bad cholesterol, you have to do a series of coaching calls with someone in Minnesota or something – and if your BMI is in the normal range and you are “low risk” you can choose to log your fruit/vegetable intake, log your exercise, or do a combination log for 45 days. If you complete that, you get the lowest out of pocket costs. Not to mention the wellness challenges, the 3,000 posters for weight watchers at work, the posters showing calorie counts of food and calories burned by exercise posted on all of the refridgerators, and the monthly “health matters” newsletters that profile employees who have successfully lost weight.

Last year I tried pointing out that for those of us with eating disorder histories, this annual 45 days of logging food/exercise and environment obsessed with weight loss completely undermines our recovery. On my floor alone I know three of us with histories of anorexia and/or bulimia. I told them that a key to recovery is to get away from obsessing about food intake and exercise – and that, for people who struggle with this, we need a different option – like logging stress reduction activities for 45 days instead. They completely didn’t get it and said we could do the coaching calls instead. Eek. Last thing I want is to do the coaching calls.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 10:51 pm

28 On December 1st, 2008, bri said:

I used to work for a non-profit and even though we had the left over food from trainings etc always in the staff room, they also introduced a “wellness” program not long before I left. I declined to participate. My boss (also a big woman) asked me why I was not going down to the staff room to get my BP and blood sugar monitored. I told her I was prefectly happy with the way my doctor was monitoring my health thank you very much. She just gaped at me. Mind you, she was a yo-yo dieter from way back. I swear she gained and lost and gained again the same 50lb about 5 times in the 4 years I worked there.

I remember one day we were having scones in the tea room and my co-worker made a comment about how much butter I was putting on my scone. “Have some butter Bri!” she said in a really snotty tone. I can still hear those words as clear as day even though it was about 4 years ago now. But that was from a woman who dieted before her wedding anniversary every year so she could fit into her wedding dress still.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 11:09 pm

29 On December 1st, 2008, Lori said:

The office diet talk doesn’t bother me — who cares, it’s nothing to do with me – but I’ll risk being in the minority here and say that I wish co-workers would stop bringing in baked goods, candy, et cetea, and putting them in our communal kitchen. It’s a lot easier to stay away from fatty and sugary food if someone isn’t putting it right in front of you.

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 11:44 pm

30 On December 1st, 2008, Stephanie said:

I used to work for a government entity, and I was often annoyed at work, not in a FA sort of way because this was three years ago, but because I worked in the same room with 3 women who were on diets. Two didn’t bother me as much, because one was doing WW to lose her baby weight (which now I find pointless, but whatever, she ate a lot of vegetables) and one was a bigger lady. (BMI 38 or so? Even then, I didn’t think so much “Wow, she needs to lose weight!” as “Well, if she wants to try, why not?”)

The third one, however, was a 56-year-old (post-menopausal) woman who was pissed that she weight six pounds more than she did when she got married at 18. Six. Pounds. Which put her at a whopping total of 106 lbs. Every single time that someone mentioned a weight-loss fad they’d heard about, she’d immediately try it. I mentioned once that people needed to eat more than 1000 calories in a day, and her response was, “Well, maybe YOU do.” She never ate or drank the regular versions of anything, if there was a low-fat, low-calorie, low-sugar, or low-whatever version available. I realize now that she pretty much had severely disordered eating (if not a recognizable eating disorder) and some body dysmorphia going on. (I also got the idea that she thought her husband wouldn’t love her anymore if she didn’t look perfect 24/7 — although I should point out that she was only 2-3 years older than my mother but looked 15-20 years older than my perpetually-20-lbs-overweight mother. Bad genetics, or years of poor nutrition?)

Sad, but . . . insane-making. All three of them signed up for the eight-week ‘wellness’ plan the place did. The 106-lb lady did not make her goal of losing 6 lbs. Gee, I wonder why not.

She drove me crazier than all the 40ish women with their Lean Cuisines, though. I mean, when you’re a perpetually-twenty-lbs-heavier-than-fashion 22-year-old and this grandma is complaining about being SO FAT at 106, what are you supposed to think?

posted on December 1st, 2008 at 11:58 pm

31 On December 2nd, 2008, Jackie said:

That presumed female office worker, sounds like a complete child. “She put candy out there! Mommy mommy! She put candy out there, I’m gonna teeellll!” I appreciate CH’s restraint in deal with someone who so clearly deals with their health issues, like self-centered and selfish child.

It’s an office, if she doesn’t like that everyone isn’t dieting with her, she can leave. That’s how I feel anyways, I mean come on. “Should I tell the supervisor?” I think the supervisor has more important things to do, than deal with an employee crying like a 3 year old wailing “It’s not FAAAIIRRR!”

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 am

32 On December 2nd, 2008, Gina said:

My previous job did a biggest loser type thing, but most people, including the people involved weren’t too “noisy” about it. I did feel bad that they had to do daily weigh-ins at work while it was going on, though. I don’t think something like that is appropriate in the workplace. My current job is at a biotech start up, and we’re just way too damn busy to do anything like that. They do offer a fitness club membership, but like someone mentioned above, it’s way too expensive, even with the discount.

I mean, I’ve started swimming again after many years, and I feel bad sometimes talking about it with folks because I don’t want people to feel like I’m saying they have to diet/exercise.

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 3:41 am

33 On December 2nd, 2008, Rachel said:

My company offers an on-site gym for just $2 a week. It’s small, but it has everything I need plus I’m often the only one working out when I go in the late evening. They also offered yoga classes once, taught by one of our employees who was also a part-time yoga instructor. These kinds of things I can get behind. The Biggest Loser types of competitions, I can’t.

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 11:06 am

34 On December 2nd, 2008, S said:

These are all great posts and I understand the need to vent but…a few of the posts that express impatience towards the women with negative body images or obsessions with diets make me a bit uncomfortable. Of course, I don’t know the intimate details of each and every situation mentioned but while I feel very sorry for the women who have felt ostracized and insulted by snide comments concerning their weight or eating habits by perpetually dieting coworkers, I also think that the same women who live their lives on and off diets deserve sympathy as well. The fact that they go from one diet to the next, yo-yo in weight, and cannot enjoy simple party treats without feeling guilty or bad or worthless seems to testify to their destructive perceptions of their bodies and self worths, doesn’t it? Their behavior may seem intolerably cruel at times but it seems that they too are suffering as well.
I guess I’m saying this because..I have an extremely negative body image that I know is completely unhealthy and harmful but that I also struggle against constantly, unsuccessfully. As a 21 year old in college, I feel there is a lot of pressure among (a large portion of the) students to be the best, not just academically but also physically. And as a young woman, I definitely feel the need to fit into that certain mold: fashionable, skinny, fit, charming, etc. I know that weight should not matter so much to me, that I should not spend so much time obsessing over what I should eat, what I should not eat, how eating this or that will set me back in terms of my daily caloric intake but it has just all become so ingrained, through my family, friends, the media, the assessing looks of strangers. And I have tried to resist dieting, to enjoy food and enjoy eating, to put on weight, to love myself as I should be, only to find that I could not do it, that I could not love myself, that somehow failing to meet the standard was just to fail. That the encouragement we all received as children to be the best, to give it our all, I have somehow also applied to my weight. And during the worst of times, all this makes me feel very trapped. I want to change because I realize that weight obsession does not make me happy and I am not satisfied with these standards of perfection and of equating self worth with dress size and because I know that I am better than this, because I want to be better than this. But I cannot change because I can’t love my body when it deviates so far from what is socially accepted. And so I guess I should also be condemned.

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 11:59 am

35 On December 2nd, 2008, Rachel said:

I don’t think anyone here is condemning anyone with negative body images, S. I do see a firm unwillingness here to allow those people who have negative body images to affect or distort the positive body images of commenters or further erode ones already vulnerable. I think most people here sympathize with their dieting coworkers and recognize that their comments come from a place of negative self-image and insecurity, but there is a large difference between empathizing with someone and enabling and tolerating behavior that is destructive both to them and to others around them.

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm

36 On December 2nd, 2008, Rachel2 said:

I think the woman who wrote in complaining about her coworker was a bit, a lot off-base in complaining about this other woman trying to “sabotage” her dieting efforts. I agree with most people on here that it sits awfully similarly to “Mommy, mommmy! I’m gonna telllllll!!”

I think that office-type “Biggest Loser” competitions are dangerous, and very cruel to people that are already vulnerable, such as the 106 lb grandma mentioned earlier. They are also cruel and dangerous to those of us who literally and physically can not lose the weight. Those types of things cause self-esteem to plummet severely, or at least have the capability to spur and encourage eating disordered types of behaviors.

Personally, I ignore that type of talk, and I am really, intensely focused on being happy and healthy with myself and my body. If somebody in my workplace starts going off the deep end about it, I’ve got a tendency to gently remind them that I think our culture places far too much emphasis on weight and appearance, and I am confused as to why our culture does not value women they way we value men: on skill and ability rather than appearance.

If in an office environment, I wouldn’t necessarily mind a small workout area. It’s good to get the blood moving at points in the day, and I think it can be a wonderful break and stress-reliever. I’d be very, very careful not to go overboard, but I think a small workout area with some space for yoga would be fantastic. I know I feel better when I exercise, despite when my lungs betray me and the asthma decides it wants to act up!

As far as a continual barrage of negative body talk from coworkers and such, there is no place for it. It’s fine if one wants to improve their health, but there’s a fine line between health improvement and walking down the obsessive, eating-disordered path. I do sympathize and empathize with these people, I myself was one, although quiet about it. I know what it’s like to have a horrendous body image and just be floored at myself for having a single pastry. But, on the other hand, that sort of thing is absolutely not healthy, and the best I can do for myself now is try to get a bit of the 4 food groups in every day, and shield myself from other’s negative self-views. It’s really too bad when people jump on the diet bandwagon and start complaining about “how bad” they are. Pfft. 9 times out of 10, they’ll end up obsessing over the stuff that they couldn’t eat and wind up binging on it later anyway, thus continuing the cycle. I get this sort of talk occasionally at the coffee shop in which I work. Sometimes people (mostly women) will be like: “Oh, I think I’m going to be ‘good’ today and NOT have a pastry!” It’s a friggin’ pastry. It’s NOT going to kill you to have a pastry. Chances are, you’re already ordering a 300-400 calorie drink anyway, even WITH skim milk! Duh. Just use in moderation, that’s all. Stop attaching “bad” to pleasureable things. It’s very pleasurable to eat. In moderation. And denying myself has proved to be quite stupid in the past. I’m healthier now because I do not deny myself. And that’s great!

posted on December 2nd, 2008 at 10:52 pm

37 On December 3rd, 2008, Jackie said:

It’d be very difficult for me not to say something sarcastic to the woman who says “Oh, I’m going to be good today, and NOT have a pastry!” Something along the lines of, “Wow! Do you want a gold star!” Like, what is this, a place of business or a first grade classroom? I’ve seen some ads that are long the lines of that, and it’s like, yeah who cares if someone saves the business from bankruptcy, or made the deal! That doesn’t matter at all compared to *insert female name*’s triumph over a pastry! Oh how hard she struggles!

It’s a place of business not a daycare center. It just irritates me so much, that women think it’s at all appropriate to constantly behave like a small child, including temper tantrums and wide-eyed frightened stares when someone dares to upset them with reality. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, so I’m willing to be open to my missing something when it comes to how most social women I see, behave like preschoolers.

posted on December 3rd, 2008 at 8:59 am

38 On December 4th, 2008, Ida said:

I’m a little late to the conversation, but in my defense I only found this blog two hours ago. Loving what I’ve read so far.

I’ve noticed talking about weight (diets, body issues masquerading as “being healthy”, etc) has become a perfectly acceptable way of socialising, particularly with women. It’s upsetting; when did talking about what others choose to do with their lives and bodies become kosher?

I lift weights for fun and the glory of added muscle, and I’m getting comments ranging from “you shouldn’t lift so heavy, you don’t want to get too big” to “you eat a lot of butter for someone your size” — both of which, presumably, have something to do with how my size and shape and lifestyle choices, whatever they happen to be, are wrong. I do talk about food and exercise with co-workers and classmates, but my emphasis has always been on health at every size and dispelling the low-fat = better myth. I’m at that happy point in my life where my past disordered eating is where it should be — in the past — and comments don’t really influence my body image or eating one way or another. OK, I admit to sometimes taking another slice of cake and enjoying it, because food talk makes me hungry and the rebellious teenage punk I was still lifts her head sometimes. I do get mad, though, because these comments are so damned invasive, and because I’m perfectly aware of the fact not everyone feels comfortable enough with themselves to have the default setting on ignore.

posted on December 4th, 2008 at 12:38 pm

39 On December 7th, 2008, Nibbles: Charles says kids overindustrialized, plus taking on the health halo and dieting co-workers | MProtein.com said:

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posted on December 7th, 2008 at 8:50 pm

40 On December 8th, 2008, fuzzyoctopus said:

I like my employer. They do not do any kind of diet sponsoring but we do have an on-site gym and they frequently have contests and programs to encourage fitness. there is no mention of weight loss. You “win” based on if you set a goal for yourself an meet that goal. The cafeteria has lots of healthy options to choose from food wise – it offers nutritional info on our company intranet of the food in the cafe, but not on the products themselves, so if you want the info its’ there, but it’s not shoved in your face.

posted on December 8th, 2008 at 7:57 pm

41 On December 9th, 2008, Michelle said:

Women who are overweight are better off losing some weight, but women or girls who are average or thin should NOT buy into the “thin is in” craze! (Millions do, unfortunately.) I’ve been saying for years and years that unless women fight back against this oppressive skinniness fad which is killing a thousand or more women and girls yearly, and psychologically harming tens of millions, the dieting and clothing and exercise equipment industries will continue indefinitely to harm self-esteem, and to exploit women and girls both economically and psychologically, but, even more, physically. I truly believe that the media’s flesh-is-evil fad, that purports to get universal adoption of bony little females as the only acceptable body type, is misguided and evil, coming as it does from the distorted profit motives of the clothing industry, the dieting industry which includes diet drinks and diet pills and dieting specialists, the exercise equipment industry, and the sellers of books or videos about any or all of the above.

posted on December 9th, 2008 at 8:46 pm

42 On December 11th, 2008, It’s not depression, its Satan » The-F-Word.org said:

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posted on December 11th, 2008 at 3:19 am

43 On December 12th, 2008, Queasy said:

I’ve grown to detest Weight Watchers simply because my colleague has become the Points Police. She will quietly come into my office and spy on my lunch! LOL Then she lectures me on why non-fat yogurt is preferable to the whole milk yogurt I am trying to enjoy. It’s all about the points. I need to “point” her in an entirely different direction. Yes, my workplace currently has a group of WW’s and I’m afraid I haven’t been converted yet, depite all their proselytizing.

posted on December 12th, 2008 at 4:26 am

44 On April 15th, 2009, Workplace eating and food culture » The-F-Word.org said: