Yes, Virginia, there are gender-neutral toys

12th November 2008

Yes, Virginia, there are gender-neutral toys

posted in Body Image, Feminist Topics, Pop Culture |

Brandon and I are both childless-by-choice but the fundamental difference between us is that while I don’t want kids of my own, I actually like them in general. Shortly after we met, we’d go to his momma’s house on the weekend, also a popular hangout of Brandon’s brother and his two kids, and his two nephews would burst out the door, arms outstretched, running past Brandon screaming, “Rachel! Rachel!” Yeah, candy helps cement the love, but it’s also because, unlike Brandon, I actually interact with them and play with them. After we married, I instantly became the official cool aunt to three awesome nephews and a niece and as any cool aunt knows, one’s primary duty is to henceforth shower their charges with lots of gifts and attention, which I do and abundantly. The kids now regularly receive Easter baskets, Halloween bags, Valentine’s Day treats, birthday gifts and lots of Christmas presents.

It amazes me how quickly and wholly kids settle into defined and traditional gender roles when it comes to toys and interests. My nephew Caleb (born 4/5/06, how’s that for a birthday?) loves big trucks and construction equipment. The other two boys, 8-year-old Curtis and 5-year-old Corbin, are all over Spiderman and Batman and generally anything gross and disgusting, although Corbin does love to play with the fake food and cookware. My 5-year-old niece Klara? As you might guess, it’s all princesses and doll babies for her. I went toy shopping for a gift for my friend’s little girl recently and seriously, the toy aisles are color coded: Three aisles of nothing but Pepto Bismal and then three more aisles of black. I have some hard-and-fast rules in toy shopping for kids: No guns or other violent kinds of toys; no Barbie; and generally nothing that reinforces gender roles unless the kid has shown a demonstrative interest in a specific toy. As you can imagine, it’s the latter that proves most difficult in toy-shopping. I often wonder if the primary reason girls play with dolls more so than boys is because, apart from parental encouragement, of all toys available for young girls, dolls are the most dominant and marketed. Not all kids tow gender stereotypes, of course. Last year, more girls opted for Bob the Builder than Barbie, but nonetheless, these toys remain classified as “boy’s toys.”

I’ve already started light Christmas shopping so as to avoid the December crowds and the gender-specific toy nausea has already begun to strike. Take Target, for instance. Toys for “gifted girls” features such things as puppies, princesses, make-up vanities and dolls you can nurse. Click on the “wonder boys” category and you’ll see big trucks, fighting toys, crash ‘em cars, monsters and those cool Hulk Smash Hands. Girl toys are supposed to “make her sweet dreams come true,” and such dreams, of course, are inevitably of one’s own kitchen, a baby to nurse and always, always ponies (the fixation with girls and ponies is even more strange, considering that historically, all things equine have always been male-dominated fields). Boy toys, on the other hand, will “let his imagination run wild” and encourage explorations in science and construction and promote rational thinking skills and aspirational worship of fire and police officers or other superhuman superheros.

Case in point: The Toy Industry Association announced its top toys of the year earlier this year. The top boy toy of the year? Transformers Movie Deluxe Figures. Top girl toy of the year? It’s a tie between the Littlest Pet Shop Playset and the Troop Groovy Girls dolls. Or just watch below:

It’s all very nauseating, but the saddest thing is that you’ll find these gender-specific toy categories at almost every big-box store. Anyone know of any that doesn’t? What was your favorite gender-neutral gift given or received? Did you grow up playing with toys that reinforced gender roles and if so, how do you think it affected you? Or, do you have some suggestions on how to reduce or, if possible, eliminate gender conditioning of kids? Post your comments, toy nostalgia and/or suggestions below.

Click to Bookmark

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 12th, 2008 at 12:12 pm and is filed under Body Image, Feminist Topics, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On November 12th, 2008, Katharine said:

Me and my brothers and sister all got lots of toys, and I did have my share of dolls and Barbies (I made braided-wire chainmail armour and tiny toothpick swords for my Barbies, since I started reading fantasy at a very young age). My youngest brother also had a baby doll, which he INSISTED on at the age of three or so (it was a particularly beautiful Black doll).

But the best things we all played with, without a doubt, were Lego, Meccano, and the huge collection of Matchbox cars. We had a rug in the livingroom for the longest time which had roundish patterns divided by Matchbox-sized channels (“streets”) and we would all drive round that for hours (and build Lego houses to go on the round blocks). And we’d all get Lego sets for presents, which would be added to the general pool. Meccano was fun too, but not as good because of all the little loseable bits. All the Lego is still at my parents’ house, masses of it, including the giant Pirates set and Moon Explorers set, and it still comes out at times.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 12:23 pm

2 On November 12th, 2008, Richard Mullen said:

Drawing boards with a chalk board on one side and a dry-erase marker on the other works for both genders. I have daughters and they like playing with clay, paper mache, squirt guns,etc. Marketing these days is stupid.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 12:37 pm

3 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

Oh, yeah.. matchbox cars. My parents bribed my older brother into behaving well at stores by promising to buy him a matchbox car. He amassed quite the collection. We used to hold crash derbies in our playroom. And that’s when matchbox cars were actually made of metal and not the cheap plastic they use today.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 12:40 pm

4 On November 12th, 2008, zdk said:

LEGOs!!!

I love love love love loved LEGOs as a kid. I was all about the space ones, personally, but there’s a theme for everybody.

Oddly enough, my second favorite toy was a doll, even though I was such a tomboy that for years I wondered if I was transgendered. (It turns out I’m not, I was just confused by how everybody insisted that all the things I enjoyed were “for boys.” With the logic of an 8 year old, I had concluded that since I didn’t like any “girl stuff” and I liked almost all “boy stuff,” I must be a boy after all and my body was a mistake. Then I learned that gender roles are stupid and I was most definitely a GIRL who liked “boy stuff.”) What was I saying before that parenthesis? Oh, that’s right, my doll. Her name was Molly, she wore overalls, and we were fighter pilots together.

I guess my point is that dolls don’t have to be “girly.” My brother had a “doll” too, it’s just that boy-dolls are “action figures.”

A lot of dolls are gender-neutral themselves, it’s just that people TREAT them as gendered or assume that dolls can only be for girls.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 12:44 pm

5 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

I had my share of “girl toys,” but when you’re only playmate is your brother and his friends (there was a girl shortage in our neighborhood), you begin to play with his toys, too. We regularly mixed together my Barbies and his GI Joe dolls when I was younger. I wasn’t all that into Barbies and dolls after age 7 or 8, I’d say. I still had a collection of Cabbage Patch dolls, though, including a red-headed astronaut doll!

It’s kind of nice that a lot of my childhood favorites have come back into fashion, even as toy manufacturers insist on giving these children’s toys sexy make-overs. I’m reliving my childhood vicariously through my niece by buying her Strawberry Shortcake and CareBears stuff and movies like “The Secret of NIMH.” I’m even making her a dollhouse for Christmas (I got one at age 12). In a sense I guess I am reinforcing gender roles, but I don’t think you can avoid it entirely.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 12:59 pm

6 On November 12th, 2008, Twistie said:

Matchbox cars, Lincoln Logs, art supplies of every kind, board games, we had a lot of gender-neutral toys. We also had the sorts of toys expected of boys and of girls. I had a couple toy horses and some dolls (including Malibu Barbie), while my brothers had some toy soldiers and miniature tool kits.

Of course, one of my favorite games was to wait until my brothers were out of the house and dress their GI Joes in my Barbie’s dresses.

I was an evil child.

Most of all, we had books everywhere, though. Words were always our best toys.

Oh, and the conditioning not to be too concerned with gender roles paid off. Both my brothers are capable in the kitchen, I’m not too prissy to try some minor plumbing, come spring I’m going to learn how to mix and pour cement for a household project, and one of my brothers is a talented home sewer. In fact, he and his wife were getting ready once to go to a civil war re-enactment weekend and my mother was quite amused to see that the alpaca rancher was making a new camp dress for his lady while she put together the black powder shot for his rifle.

7 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

Most of all, we had books everywhere, though. Words were always our best toys.

I always loved books as a kid and was always begging my parents for them for Christmas (they never got me any), but my nephews don’t seem to be that into books. This year they’re getting books and clothes, though. Their entire basement playroom is littered with toys that will eventually end up in a landfill someday.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:01 pm

8 On November 12th, 2008, ladyjaye said:

I was a tomboy growing up, so I was into Transformers and GI Joe. Sure, I did play with my friends’ Little Ponies and Jem dolls, but they weren’t the toys I liked the most.

I do remember when my mom gave me the “Barbie doesn’t look like real women” speech…

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:11 pm

9 On November 12th, 2008, Bree said:

I had both kinds of toys as a little girl. I had Barbies, Cabbage Patch Kids, My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, the Easy Bake Oven, Strawberry Shortcake, dollhouses, and I also had a glow-in-the-dark race car set, Matchboxes, Army men, as well as gender neutral stuff like Legos, Play-doh, coloring books, Atari, The Fisher Price Doctor Kit, and Shrinkydinks. I was more of a tomboy though, and even today, the frilly doesn’t excite me.

My younger brother liked to play with my Barbies, but he liked to decapitate them. He also came out of our grandmother’s bedroom one day dressed up in her nightgown, shoes, and jewelry. My stepdad was horrified because he’d thought he catch teh gay. We told him to lighten up, he was five, and it’s natural. Today, he is 21, has a steady girlfriend, and is not a serial killer who likes to cut people’s heads off.

Let boys play with baby dolls and let girls play with Army men. It won’t do any harm. As a matter of fact, it may let them see that there is more to a woman than how many kids she pops out and if she has a clean home and a master’s in cooking, and there’s more to a man than staying in a garage all day fixing things and becoming droolworthy at the sight of any kind of weapon.

10 On November 12th, 2008, Elaine said:

We were pretty broke growing up, so my mother just gave us whatever toys she could get and we shared them. We had a secondhand play kitchen and a dollhouse my mother made herself with plywood and carpet and linoleum samples, and of course legos and little cars (mostly gifted). My brother and I played with everything equally, together. I think we came out pretty well balanced since we just played with everything and didn’t really have the option to be swayed by marketing.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:12 pm

11 On November 12th, 2008, J said:

This is such an interesting nature-nurture question. My hippie parents tried very hard to avoid gender-specific toys and activities, and a lot of my favorite activities were gender-neutral — reading, board games, blocks/Legos. But I also did a lot of play-mothering and caretaking, loved dolls and stuffed animals, and did not care for traditional boy stuff like trucks, weapons, or sports. My BF was raised by parents with a similar philosophy, is a very peaceful and non-macho man now (and likes kids a lot more than I do, actually), but went through a huge gun/knife obsession as a kid. There is a lot of socialization at work, but boys and girls also use toys to actively explore their own identities, and I suspect both inherent tendencies and childhood relationships with other (real) people have a greater influence than inanimate objects in determining identity.

There was an amazing story on NPR about transgendered children that got into this a bit. Both were girls born as boys, and both expressed their gender in part by gravitating toward pink, dresses, dolls, anything frilly and girly. The toys were an effect, not a cause — they were using the toys to express the identity that already existed.

The dilemma comes up for us each holiday season when we participate in a charity secret Santa program, answering gift requests from kids in local shelters. Both last year and this year, we got letters from boys who only wanted pro wrestling stuff. We tried to compromise by getting some neutral books and toys, but I bought the Undertaker action figure, too. Despite my personal philosophy, no matter whether it’s nature or nurture that makes him attracted to the WWE … I want to give the kid what he actually wants for Christmas.

12 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

J, my husband also went through a gun and knife phase as a kid, and he’s a total pacifist now like me, who never really played with guns. I did have a real knife in my teen years when I joined a police cadet program, but it was mostly to help fill out my lacking-a-gun belt. Still, I won’t buy my nephews (or my niece) these types of toys though because I feel they do desensitize kids to the dangers of them… and their effects.

My husband also heard that NPR story and was telling me about it; he also thought it was intriguing. I haven’t listened to it yet myself, but an archive is available here if anyone is interested in it. The discussion was sparked by this story in The Atlantic.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:29 pm

13 On November 12th, 2008, Richard Mullen said:

My oldest daughter (16) is called a “frag doll” because she is so good at first person shooter games on the PS3. She brags about it and the guys think she is cool. It’s cool seeing the controller getting worked over with painted fingernails. It’s the same with her wearing mixed martial arts gloves when she is punching her training partner around. It’s very possible to be fem and tough.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:33 pm

14 On November 12th, 2008, Living400lbs said:

My favorite gender-neutral toys were blocks, LEGOs, puzzles, and books.

I also had an EZ-Bake oven & my share of Barbie & GI Joe crap. The cool part was that this was pre-teeny-GI Joe, aka the 11 & 1/2-inch GI Joes, so most of the GI Joe cars/trucks/equipment could be used with Barbie too.

(No, I never had a Ken. Ken didn’t come with scuba gear and a harpoon for Barbie.)

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:55 pm

15 On November 12th, 2008, devi42 said:

Growing up, I was a tomboy with a fierce love of Strawberry Shortcake (the doll, not the cake). My parents were always wonderful about this. They’d ask me what I wanted and paid attention to the toys I looked at in stores. They rarely got me anything I wouldn’t play with.

My other relatives, however, always fell back on buying me Barbie dolls and Barbie accessories because that was what they believed little girls liked to play with. This meant that my sister always got a hefty portion of my Christmas gifts to boost her Barbie collection.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 1:56 pm

16 On November 12th, 2008, The Bald Soprano said:

I wanted Tonka trucks SO MUCH when I was little! My brother got them, and I got barbies, which I only really played with by popping their heads off.

Note: the barbies and cabbage patch dolls were from other relatives, over my mother’s STRONG objections!

Legos are good (although my brother habitually used mine in his keep-forever-projects), and so are books –Klutz Press is especially fun, or at least was when I was little.

As cool-and-subversive aunt, I’m giving my husband’s nephew (age 7) and niece (age 9) Klutz build-a-book kits for christmas this year, and the younger niece (age 18 mo.) a handmade wooden first-puzzle of her name with zoo animals.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 2:09 pm

17 On November 12th, 2008, Miz H said:

We didn’t have a heck of a lot of money with which to buy toys, but that was ok–I couldn’t really be arsed to play with them because my dad had the COOLEST KID-FRIENDLY CRAP TO BRING HOME JOB EVERY! He worked in a furniture factory and had BOXES. I don’t mean packing and book boxes. I mean enormous, dresser-sized boxes and peanuts and twine, oh my god! I distinctly remember a multi-room box house that lived on the porch until rain melted it and a big box with a hole cut in the top that I plopped a kid-sized chair in and crayoned up to look like a race car. It was spectacular. Unfortunately for my own future kids, grant writers don’t get a hell of a lot of six foot by eight foot packages. However, my husband is a scientist with ready access to dry ice and rubber gloves and all kinds of interesting tubey things, so we may be covered

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 2:15 pm

18 On November 12th, 2008, Nine said:

Legos and Barbies were my favorite toys. My sister particularly liked Barbies. We would make up stories and play out dramas. I also really liked my Littlest Pet Shop sets (which could be gender-neutral if the company tried a little harder). We also both caught on to the virtual pet craze. I think encouraging a love of animals in both genders is certainly a good thing.

I had an Easy Bake oven later in my childhood, but I didn’t touch it, which was an omen. Now that I’m 21, I hate to cook and I’m terrible at it when I do. My sister used it more, and she turned out to be just the opposite in the kitchen – she enjoys cooking and is more than decent at it. It seems more likely to me, though, that our parents’ respective cooking abilities and passions had more to do with how we turned out than the Easy Bake oven ever did. (Dad is a stellar, passionate cook, and Mom is like me – she hates it and she’s no good at it. There’s a break in gender roles right there.)

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 2:18 pm

19 On November 12th, 2008, Christine said:

I’ve honestly never given much thought to whether a toy is gender-neutral or gender-specific. I figure that kids will naturally gravitate to the toys they want to play with, and ignore the ones they don’t – so you pay attention and buy accordingly.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 2:21 pm

20 On November 12th, 2008, mrs.millur said:

There are a few learning toy shops in my area, where things are divided by type of toy: imagination play, science learning, age category etc. But not by gender. You might ask your teacher friends which toy stores offer teacher discounts- they are more likely to have a more thoughtful sorting system.

I was looking at kid-resistant digital cameras for my 3-year-old. The white one with blue, red, and green accents is marked ‘for boys’. The camera for girls is pink, with flowers. GAAAAH

We have lots of toys from Melissa & Doug (http://www.melissaanddoug.com). Their website does NOT divide into ‘for boys’ and ‘for girls’. I browse there often and dream of a universe in which I have both a high-paying job to afford everything, and time to stay home and play with everything.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 2:57 pm

21 On November 12th, 2008, Elizabeth said:

Get them Gulo Gulo. Gender neutral, fun for kids, fun for adults, and the kids usually beat the adults without any need for a handicap.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:09 pm

22 On November 12th, 2008, Latoya said:

Oh, this is a fun question.

I occassionally got an easy bake oven or a doll, but my younger sister and I were exploratory kids and people who knew us picked up on that. So we got:

* Lite-Brites
* Microscopes
* Bug Catcher Kits
* Brainquest cards

and when we got older

*Video Game consoles

I think they figured out that dolls were for our cousins, who would actually spend time playing with them.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:13 pm

23 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

Nine wrote: I had an Easy Bake oven later in my childhood, but I didn’t touch it, which was an omen. Now that I’m 21, I hate to cook and I’m terrible at it when I do.

Ha! I always wanted an Easy Bake Oven and for some reason, never got one. And like you, today I generally hate to cook and I’m also terrible at it when I do. I do like decorating cakes, but its mostly the decoration aspect I like, not the actual baking.

Thanks for the melissaanddoug.com link, Mrs. Millur. I hadn’t heard of that site and a brief perusal of it looks promising.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:24 pm

24 On November 12th, 2008, DaniFae said:

Growing up, my hippie mom insisted on getting me varried toys, I pushed my dolls around in my tonka truck, my brother really didn’t show any intrest in anything besides his toy cars and trucks though. I went on this crazed childhood rampage where I refused to play with any doll that had blond hair and blue eyes, I wanted dolls with brown hair and brown eyes like me, I didn’t want to be like Barbie, I wanted her to be like me. As for favorite toys, art supplies, play-doh, and books.

When shopping for my MUCH younger brothers-in-law and sister-in-law, it usually turns problematic, because my Monster-in-Law is very much under the impression that boys need manly things or they will catch teh gay, same for the girl getting girly things. I’ve taken to getting them craft/science kits, and books. Basically educational, or at least creativity inspiring toys. Though I will slide a bit, like I got my 5 year old sister in law a Groovy Girl’s doll, one with red hair like hers (No, I didn’t get over that.)

As for violent toys, I take my policy from Lego, no real world modern style weapons. Swords and shields, I’ll get, lightsabers and laser guns, I’ll get, toy military gear, no go.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:33 pm

25 On November 12th, 2008, tara said:

Nintendo Wii is good for all children, boys and girls of any age.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:42 pm

26 On November 12th, 2008, sannanina said:

One of the first toys I remember was a small wooden work bench that allowed you to hammer with a wooden hammer, screw on things, etc. I loved it (and my parents probably hated it because I made a LOT OF NOISE with it.). A little later came a parking garage which I loved because a) it had a little hand-operated elevator and b) you could have the cars ride down a ramp. Unfortunately it broke pretty fast. I also played with dolls and stuffed animals, and I did go through a rather long Barbie phase (mostly because my best friend had lots of Barbies). While my parents did not have a problem with “normal” dolls they did not like Barbies, however, they also did nothing to “stop” me from playing with them – they just figured I would get through that phase at some point. And although I have a problem with the kind of body image that Barbies promote (as well as that pretty much everything Barbie related is pink) we did a lot of fun stuff with them like take them swimming in the bath tub (lots of fun!), or enacted plays with them (which included rather creative stage lighting solutions). We also had a Lego train (very, very cool) and quite a lot of Lego bricks. Actually, Lego is one of the toys that I really enjoy playing with even now, unfortunately it is quite expensive.

However, talking of Lego: I am really pissed that particularly Lego Technic is classified as a boys’ toy. In fact, most Lego is classified as a toy that is mostly for boys, except for Lego Belville (which is ridiculous in the first place). I also heard a Lego representative a few years back claim that girls “don’t like building things themselves as much as boys”. It made me furious – and honestly in this case I don’t even know what he based this on. There are plenty of girls that play with building blocks and later with Lego bricks, also, I and my two sisters all loved building huts made from blankets etc. and we also built cardboard houses ourselves. And finally there are plenty of women who become architects. So while I kind of get how someone could assume that that certain things are preferred by boys while others are preferred by girls (even though this is probably mostly or purely socialization based) I don’t think building related things belong in that category.

Also, what the hell is up with books that are specifically for boys or for girls? Honestly, the only problem I had with books for boys was that from a certain age on the few girls in them were impossible for me to identify with – and kind of supported every single gender stereotype in the world.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:45 pm

27 On November 12th, 2008, sannanina said:

Oh, and I second that all kinds of art supplies make great toys. In fact, I kind of had an obsession with making hand puppets myself. I also had a slight obsession with making lanterns and papers stars – in fact I would say that I still do. Things like knitting and crocheting can also be a lot of fun for kids, and I really don’t see why only girls should do them. In fact, they require very similar skills to many more “manly” crafts. I remember that once when I was sick and bored at home for several days I crocheted a snake that was about 2m long. It was a school project, but honestly, I really enjoyed it. I probably would also have enjoyed working with wood and more “male-stereotyped” materials, but I just never got much of an opportunity to do it.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 3:53 pm

28 On November 12th, 2008, Scarlett said:

When I was very young, I was usually happier playing with animal toys – stuffed animals, a plastic farm set, the dreaded My Little Ponies – than with dolls or cars. When I was an older kid, I tended to spend more time reading, playing imaginary games and playing with pets than with toys. However, I did have a Barbie Spa Set purchased for me by a well-meaning relative, while my (same-age, male) cousin had a set of He-Man Action figures. Apparently when playing together at about age 5 or 6, we gave He-Man his very own spa session I really wish that I actually remembered this, as I’m told it was hilarious.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 4:06 pm

29 On November 12th, 2008, Rachel said:

Tara, Nintendo Wii is also very expensive, especially when you’d have to buy two of them. They cost about $250 each.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 4:19 pm

30 On November 12th, 2008, linsey said:

I think its great to be an aunt who give gender neutral toys. As a parent, its a little more difficult. We try to balance out the crazy interest in tractors, cars, etc., by giving our sons baby dolls, kitchen stuff, and other “girly” toys. I try to make sure to include bright colors and even some pink in our kids clothes. Honestly, I’d rather play with cars and tractors, so its not surprising that my son prefers them over dolls.

But art supplies, legos, lincoln logs, train-sets, kitchen stuff, dress-up….. these are all gender neutralish stuff. Most toys are classified as girls or boys now. Even the same toy will be color coded. You just have to get stuff from both aisles or shop at the yuppie toy stores. I’ve had to get over my knee-jerk reaction to pink and sparkles to balance out my son’s stuff.

Paternal grandparents got our son a great kitchen last year from target – they used to carry it in nice, gender neutral red, tan and blue. They changed it to pink, and have given it other “girly” touches. Which isn’t to say we wouldn’t want him to play with a pink kitchen, but its safe to say the g-parents wouldn’t have gotten him a pink one.

Clothes are worse. Don’t get me started on boys clothes.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 4:33 pm

31 On November 12th, 2008, Danielle said:

I primarily played with Barbie as a child. I didn’t really like baby dolls. I think as the only girl in my generation everyone just went out of there way to buy super girly toys for me. (I have an older brother, two older boy cousins and three younger boy cousins.) I normally played with the “boy” toys with my brother and cousins. I had “girl” lego but preferred playing with my brother’s lego.

I would have to say the most gender neutral toys I received were art related. I’ve always been artsy so I always received the latest Crayola creation.

My daughter is also the only girl of her generation but she is by choice very girly. I do encourage her to play with toys that are normally considered “boy” toys. She’s also very artsy like me so she receives plenty of art supplies but she still swings towards pink.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 4:50 pm

32 On November 12th, 2008, April D said:

I haven’t had a chance to read many of the other suggestions but I know that both my brother and I played with Play-doh and I think you can never go wrong with crayons and a good coloring book. Any sort of paint by numbers thing was also fun. But then again maybe our household wasn’t typical. Even though he got legos and bee-bee guns and video games and I still enjoyed making villages of interacting barbies and my-little-ponies, both of us learned to crotchet and latch-hook rugs and we both played paint ball. I think it’s all in allowing kids to make their own choices about how they want to play…but then again I’m not a parent yet so that view might change if I ever had little-uns to fret over!

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 4:57 pm

33 On November 12th, 2008, mae said:

Box games still exist for all ages including adult. I recently played Cranium with a 5 year old, and a week later a slightly more sophisticated version of it with a bunch of college professors (honestly, I did). Also some blends of electronic and old fashioned games, like a Bingo game that has an announcer — specifically, Dora the Explorer, so that 2 people can play — me and the 5 year old again. Or Connect 4 for kids, and a 3-D version for the more mathematically adept. There are lots of good packaged card games, too, though some have been de-neutered like “Hannah Monatana Uno” or versions of old-favorites with Disney princesses.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 5:02 pm

34 On November 12th, 2008, Piffle said:

Heh, my only doll I really played with as a girl was named Atalanta after the Greek girl who outran all the boys until magic helped one cheat. Then marbles and a marvelous building toy of colorful plastic squares and cylinders went together well, plus my wooden building blocks made wonderful cities for all my plastic animals. Dominoes were also lots of fun. My brother and I also played a lot of Monopoly, often creating our own rules. And a plain deck of cards got a lot of use for Hearts and Spades and a game called Cheat that I don’t really remember well.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 5:25 pm

35 On November 12th, 2008, Piffle said:

Oh and my two older kids (8 and 10, one boy, one girl) adore Clue.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 5:32 pm

36 On November 12th, 2008, Linda said:

From the very beginning I’ve noticed some innate differences between our boys and girls (we have two of each.) That’s ostensibly what modern marketing is based in, but marketers take it way too far — they’ve invented an unnaturally extreme dichotomy that a populace that’s invested in the patriarchy is happy to support.

I can’t *stand* this stuff, nor commercial plastic crap in general even if it’s what I consider gender-natural or gender-neutral. We avoid dealing with much of it by not watching network TV (the commercials are just so obnoxious) and we don’t take the kids to the big chain stores. We talk about it too — about how some people want all girls to be a certain way and boys to be a certain way, and how ridiculous it is to let people limit you like that. My kids also don’t go to school where this nonsense seems to thrive and be expected, instead they have a variety of friends of different ages who are comfortable with individuality and don’t put pressure on them to conform. It helps.

Ideas: Legos are always good. I’ve complained to the Lego company about their themes and colors, but to no avail — they are convinced that the most exciting thing to any boy is primary colors and black, brown, and greys, and military themes. I’ve gotten around this by not buying kits, just the block collections, mixing the “girls” and “boys” sets so there is a wider range of colors.

Blocks are always good too, although generic sets are not very exciting. Haba has some nice colorful ones.

Puppets, unlike dolls, are often acceptable to already-conditioned boys. My boys like stuffed animals too — a favorite gift from a family member was a gargoyle-like “dream catcher” stuffed toy for my son.

Bouncy balls — *always* appreciated by the kids. Balloons, polished rocks, paints, clay, those crystal-growing kits, seed-planting kits, astronomy-related stuff, many of the Klutz books.

Movies — anything by Hayao Miyazaki.

My son asked for an easy-bake oven last christmas, but we couldn’t find one that wasn’t obviously meant to be for a girl (i.e. pink and lavender with flowers… he’s old enough that he’s picked up that such things “aren’t for boys”, and it’s not something that goes with my house decor anyway.) Instead we made up a basket of *real* baking supplies for him along with a homemade cookie mix, and he was thrilled.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 5:33 pm

37 On November 12th, 2008, Bronwyn said:

… I would have loved that Rose Petal Cottage when I was a kid.

Generally, in dealing with my future nephews (Not yet married to their uncle but I will be) I make it a point to be the Kooky aunt who buys them dolls if they want dolls (and David does); It’s sort of my way of letting David know that he can play with what he wants, whether he’s a boy or not.

He’s going to be going to kindergarten next year though… and that’s the worst, I think. He’s going to be around other kids and the gender roles are going to start being really piled on.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 5:37 pm

38 On November 12th, 2008, PurpleGirl said:

I have a five year old cousin, and every time I wander into the toy aisle trying to find something for him, I just get disgusted. I don’t remember the dichotomy between “boys” and “girls” toys being so extreme when I was little. I mean, there were thinking like Strawberry Shortcake and She-Ra and all, but Legos seemed pretty equal opportunity. I don’t remember everything being pukingly puke.

My favorite “toys” were my books and my ponies. Real ponies, requiring grooming and hoof-picking and stall mucking and everything. In terms of commercial toys, I loved me some Lite Bright. I also had two giant stuffed unicorns my daddy won me in Vegas–one of my earliest memories of my cousin is of him hog-tying and “butchering” my unicorns.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 6:06 pm

39 On November 12th, 2008, Sara A. said:

Art supplies, blocks, rubber boots (I went for tramps through the swamp a lot), board games. My boyfriend and his brothers apparently did a lot of doll-type play with stuffed animals.

I also enjoyed a lot of boy toys like legos and creepy crawlers (the early nineties easy bake oven for boys that made plastic bugs)and toy cars also science sets.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 6:07 pm

40 On November 12th, 2008, allison said:

I had a brother close to my age so we shared some things. We both had Playmobile people, shared a train set, and had Legos and play tool sets (we each had our own, but we mixed them sometimes). We also both had toy cars, cowboy hats, sheriff’s badges, play animals, dinosaurs and blocks. And lots of play musical instruments and art supplies all around. It never occurred to me that Legos or building toys were gendered until much later in life. And I loved my play tools and workbench! When I was 8 my dad upgraded me to a real hammer, small saw and screwdriver and built a little bench for me in the garage.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 6:11 pm

41 On November 12th, 2008, Amu said:

Oh my gosh, I have such a vivid memory from my childhood about this. All I wanted for Christmas one year was the Little Miss Magic Hair doll. You could turn her hair pink with water and stick velcro crystals all over it. This was really out of character for me, as I was a kid who dressed her barbies up as prehistoric cave dwellers and had them foraging for plants in the back yard. But I guess the commercials got to me. A box appeared under the tree that was the right shape and size and heft. I was sure I had Little Miss Magic Hair in the bag!

Christmas came along, and when I opened it, it was NOT the doll, but a Creepy Crawlers oven set! You know, where you can bake little plastic bugs in molds and then throw them at your siblings?? Well, I was horribly disappointed, but a week later, I was baking bugs and loving it, and my cousin who HAD received Little Miss Magic Hair was already bored with her and came over for a plastic scorpion and spider party.

I am so glad I have parents who always paid attention to what I was actually interested in, and not what I was being brainwashed into liking by Saturday morning cartoons.

The End.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 6:33 pm

42 On November 12th, 2008, Twilightriver said:

My family was poor, so our gifts were always things like Slinky, Silly Putty, markers, paints, colored pencils, piles of paper, Legos, Play-doh, decks of playing cards, and both my brother and I got a six-pack of Hot Wheels cars and a stuffed animal.

The only year we ever received anything truly gender specific was the year that our family was adopted by a charity (yeah, we were THAT poor my whole life.) My brother got a Skeletor action figure and I got a lame old Barbie doll.

I HOWLED with tears and got scolded for my lack of gratitude. I had desperately wanted a microscope, a chemistry set, or a bike (but NOT a pink one with tassles and training wheels, a black one with multiple gears and racing gloves.) Since I didn’t get any of those, I considered it a deep injustice that my brother got a toy that DID something (it had a spring in it’s waist, so it would punch the air) while I got a lame old Barbie that did NOTHING except wait to have her clothes changed. LAME!

That Barbie received no end of tortures and humiliations as the main subject of all of my physics experiments. She was the only toy I had that I could break in the process of trying to figure out something about the physical forces at work in our world.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 6:48 pm

43 On November 12th, 2008, Melissa said:

I was an only child so I would ask for alot of dolls or art supplies or video games kind of things. I was never big into barbie and I absolutely loved playing with lego and He-man and GI Joe toys, however my mother would never buy them for me so I would always play with my friends older brothers stuff or a boy who was a friend’s stuff.

I have a son who is 3 and it is hard to get neutral stuff. Even things like “my first computer” or this “Playdough desk storage kit” came in gender colors. Pink for girls with flowers and green for boys.

I prefer to buy my son green or purple over blue in terms of colors, and if he asks for the pink this or that often I’ll get him that color. However as he gets older I can see it becoming harder and harder. He already has a preference for the boy targeted toys, but he still likes arts and crafts and kitchens and stuffed toys and I encourage him to do those things.
It is kind of sad to be so limited in our perceptions of humans.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 7:35 pm

44 On November 12th, 2008, Jackie said:

I don’t really recall any toys I liked that were considered girl toys. I guess there was the Barbie games for the original NES, but they weren’t all that great. I really liked stuffed animals much more than dolls.

There is this cute video here from Sesame Street:

http://www.sesamestreet.org/video_player?p_p_lifecycle=0&p_p_id=videoPlayer_WAR_sesameportlets4369&p_p_uid=6302ea91-155d-11dd-a62f-919b98326687

It’s a Monsterpeice Theater parody of Guys and Dolls where they show a boy Muppet playing with dolls, and a girl Muppet who plays with a truck. So there are people out there who do seem to think the idea of gender defined toys is stupid. Albeit, that Jim Henson was more in touch with understanding children then most people.

I’m glad they’ve FINALLY decided that video games aren’t for boys only, at least Nintendo has to a great extent. I don’t know about other video game console companies, Nintendo seems to be the one that’s really visible about embracing the female gaming audience. Although some tomboyish girls might find the idea that the Nintendo DS comes in pink, as their idea of a color females would like nauseating.

There also have been companies, mostly American game developing companies, who sell games targeting girls that are very female-role oriented. It seems Japan is the only country developing video games, that has enough brains to understand girls want more from gaming than playing kitchen, or ballerina. That girls want to play video games just as challenging as games boys play, with a tad more cute in them.

I think this in large part why there are so many women Japanophiles, between gaming and Anime, Japan seems to have much more to offer girls in ways of messages in media, and understanding them as human beings. While Japan also has issues regarding objectifying children, to put it nicely, I think their contributions to giving media for females to enjoy at least in some matter outweighs the harm they do. Besides, for all the complaints there are about the Japanese making graphic imagery involving young girls in compromising situations, are we any better than them? We do the same things, except just sweep them under the rug and out of sight. I know I’ve gotten off-topic, but really I do think that as far as treating people, particularly women, like things go, America is far more obnoxious with that then the Japanese are. Feel free to prove me wrong.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 8:34 pm

45 On November 12th, 2008, pyewacket said:

I find most (not all, but most) big box type toys to be imagination-killing dreck for boys and girls alike. Shop online at some place like hearthsong.com or mindware.com for cool stuff like marble runs and gear sets and magic kits.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 9:49 pm

46 On November 12th, 2008, lilacsigil said:

I grew up in a 70s-80s feminist family, and most of my dolls (from my parents) were Star Wars figures. I also had a few baby dolls and later a couple of Barbies, but mostly I played with construction-type toys like wooden blocks. One good thing about living in a rural town is that *every* kid gets animal figures! It’s pretty conservative out here, but at least a couple of mothers have bought their young sons nail polish and their daughters cattle truck and tractor toys.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 10:46 pm

47 On November 12th, 2008, raven said:

jumping on the leggos n building blocks bandwagon. i loved them as a kid. i’d spend hours building forts and houses w/my giant building blocks. and as i got older, i’d build cars and giant robots w/my leggos. i also really liked reading and drawing. i’d be more eloquent but i’m too tired.

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 10:54 pm

48 On November 12th, 2008, Halle said:

Modern toy aisles are depressing and inspid. About the only toys I feel good about gifting are legos and furr real animals. When I was a kid there was a delicious toy store in a mall near me that featured awesome toys from Europe, spy gear, building sets of all kinds, sylvania families…I was actually raised on gender stereotype-destroying toys — I had legos, and lincoln logs, toy cars, the west family instead of Barbie’s. My mother actively discouraged traditional doll play — no baby dolls for me. The upshot of this is that I work with computers, have no children of my own — and I collect dolls as an adult. Very expensive dolls — and I play with them, and take pictures of them and all kinds of obnoxious things — My mother is no doubt rolling over in her grave about it. I don’t think we should entrench our kids in gender roles, but some of it certainly seems to be…inborn. If I did have kids of my own, I wouldn’t stop my boy from cross dressing or playing with dolls, or stop my girls from playing with cars and science toys, but I wouldn’t actively discourage them playing with toys traditional for their gender. Maybe that makes me a bad feminist, but I often wonder if Mom had let me play with dolls when I was a kid, would I be such a doll nut now?

posted on November 12th, 2008 at 10:56 pm

49 On November 13th, 2008, Rachel2 said:

I always found “girls toys” to be quite nauseating. Don’t get me wrong, I played elaborate games with my Barbie dolls… Which was usually a “Cinderella” theme (it was my favorite movie when I was young. So favorite that we wore the tape out!). My brother played right along with me when we played our make-believe version of Cinderella. I was into Legos for sure, as well as playing with GI Joe when they were available. Chalkboards, notebooks, books, etc. I was pretty self-sufficient when it came to playtime. I would play in boxes, I would play outside when it was nice, even when it wasn’t, I still wanted to play outside. Yes, we had our share of toys, my brother and I, but we were allowed to let our imaginations run wild, and make up stories and games and play all sorts of fun things. He had Ghostbusters stuff, which I thought was about the coolest thing in the world. He also had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which I also thought was cool. I had toys and stuff, but I don’t really feel that I needed them. I don’t recall ever feeling a huge drive to amass more toys, or more stuff. I’ve just never been that way. I would certainly hope that when I do decide to have children, that they feel the same way. That life can be just as entertaining with or without the gender-oriented drivel at Big Box Mart.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m an avid discount store shopper, but it kind of disgusts me that the girls toys remind me of Pepto Bismal (thanks, Rachel for that analogy!), and all the boys toys are things like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, etc. This sort of attitude that young girls don’t want a challenge is kind of bullshit, if you ask me. I’ll challenge my kids with toys that will fuel their imagination. Granted, when building Legos as a child, I built them into houses and apartment complexes and whatnot, but I built from a 5000 piece tub of random pieces. Oh, what I would give for one of those awesome Lego tubs now… That would be the coolest thing.

I read, I drew, I did whatever suited my entertainment fancy. I watched some TV, but I seem to remember that it was A.) NOT the pinnacle of my life, and B.) I’d usually go off and do something else anyway. I crafted things for Christmas gifts in my basement, or I came up with some sort of doodle or idea elsewhere. This is the environment that I would like for my children to have. Unrestricted creativity, so that they may explore their creative whims at their desire. I think that our culture today kills the imagination and is so nauseatingly overpowering and drenched with “BUY ME! BUY ME! BUY ME!” that it’s killing the next generation of youth. I can look at a marked difference between myself and some younger cousins and see that they’ve got nothing in the way of imagination, and that life should be handed to them on a silver platter. Pfft. Whatever. I find the advertiser’s methods of shoveling drivel into the minds of our youth to be both cheap and offensive. Therefore, I will not buy. I will not succumb to the capitalistic drivel (love that word, btw) that has seeped into the minds of mainstream America over the past 10 years or so…

So to you, Rachel, as the coolest Aunt ever, try checking out some of the local indie-type shops for some of the cooler, less mainstream toys. Things that would fuel their creativity. Books, markers, sketchpads, writing tablets, things that generally fuel creative and challenging thinking.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 12:49 am

50 On November 13th, 2008, DollyAnn said:

I remember when I was in first grade my favorite thing in the whole world was Sonic the Hedgehog. Capitalism defintely benefited from me in the 1990s; I owned EVERYTHING Sonic. Sonic backpack, Sonic dolls, Sonic underwear, etc. The problem was Sonic was a “boy” thing. The blue hedgehog was featured in a Sega Genesis video game, therefore making it off limits to girls. So, one day on the way home from school when I was riding a bus, a boy got in my face about my backpack, telling me I couldn’t like Sonic because I was a girl. I was bewildered and as he continued to pester me, I broke into tears. No worries, though. I still love Sonic to this day.

On the other hand, I do remember getting “girl” toys like fake nail kits and Easy Bake ovens and being entirely frustrated with them. I could never get the treats out of those damn pans and the little plastic nails always fell off my fingers. Barbie would go on to create a world of self-image problems for me. And even my American Girl Doll, Samantha, was difficult to play with as her hair required “special maintenance.” Video games, nerf balls, and action figures just end up being more fun and easy than “girl toys.”

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 2:42 am

51 On November 13th, 2008, CatsPuke said:

The best gender neutral toy I ever received was a wheelbarrow. I loved that thing and spent hours with it in the garden. It only came after I filled a new toy pram with soil on Boxing Day though. Mum didn’t ignore my requests toys after that.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 6:00 am

52 On November 13th, 2008, BlueSphere52 said:

For good gender neutral toys or gifts, I would suggest science kits, science documentaries, and legos for younger kids.

In general, I think video games would be an excellent gift for kids, especially nowadays with systems like the Wii. I realize that that’s too expensive as a gift from an aunt or uncle to a niece or nephew, but I just would like to recommend them as well as gifts from parents to child.

I also have a question concerning this issue: Is the incentive of gender-neutral toys and the unease with gender toys due mostly to dissatisfaction with overtly female-gendered toys? I mean boys should be able to play with dolls if they want, but is the issue mainly that the girls marketed to toys are lacking?

As for colors, I must say that I don’t really like the color pink. Anyway, I would be interested in hearing people’s thoughts on the matter.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 6:25 am

53 On November 13th, 2008, sannanina said:

Unrestricted creativity, so that they may explore their creative whims at their desire. I think that our culture today kills the imagination and is so nauseatingly overpowering and drenched with “BUY ME! BUY ME! BUY ME!” that it’s killing the next generation of youth.

Good point – however, I think it is a different point than the argument against gender-typed toys. I had three favorite dolls as a child, two of them were knitted by my oldest sister and my mum, and all three of them had practically only self-made clothes. (My oldest sister knitted her first elaborately-patterned sweater at age 11 – doll’s clothes were a breeze for her). We also had a swing, a wooden house and a sandbox in the garden that my dad had built for us, I always made a lot of things myself, mostly from materials that were readily available. Still, while non-commercial the dolls were still gender-typed (though the swing and the sandbox obviously weren’t).

I guess I was priviledged because my family actually had a garden and a yard where we could play – in particular, we had a small birch tree with hanging branches – perfect for using it as a hut. I am glad I hadn’t developed my pollen allergy back then, though.

I do remember getting “girl” toys like fake nail kits

That’s something I never understood… why would anyone make make-up or fake nail kits for little girls? They will start using make-up on their own early enough, you don’t have to encourage them. I loved face-painting as a kid, but it was not about make-up, it was about animal faces, or just patterns. I liked my mum’s nail polish (although I was usually not allowed to use it), but the only thing I ever did with make-up in the classic sense was dressing my dad up as a woman when we were on holiday (and honestly, I think it is great that he allowed us to do that – it was so much fun!) We also painted each others’ feet – again something which is really cool.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 7:38 am

54 On November 13th, 2008, Misty said:

Has the (rather obvious) possiblity never occurred to anyone that toys are gender-specific because kids’ interests are gender specific? Boys and girls are not lead down some kind of primrose path to their interests. At that age, kids are FAR too impulsive to be programmed. Boys instinctively, intuitively, biologically are driven to Transformers, and girls are similarly impelled towards dolls.

Instead of railing against Mother Nature, why not embrace these essential, biological differences?

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 8:42 am

55 On November 13th, 2008, Wicked said:

Legos legos legos. Gender neutral, and HOURS of cool fun.

Well, at least it was for me.

Coloring books are fairly neutral, aren’t they? Those ones with the cool geometric designs?

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 8:43 am

56 On November 13th, 2008, zdk said:

To Misty,

You ever see that episode of The Simpsons where Homer gives Marge a bowling ball for her birthday? Despite the fact that she doesn’t bowl, and he even had the ball inscribed with his own name, anticipating that she wouldn’t really want it?

Your attitude is the Homer attitude. Stop deciding what kids must want based on your own lazy inability to see past gendered stereotypes. Try LISTENING to kids and actually getting them toys they want.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 9:24 am

57 On November 13th, 2008, Rachel2 said:

“Good point – however, I think it is a different point than the argument against gender-typed toys. I had three favorite dolls as a child, two of them were knitted by my oldest sister and my mum, and all three of them had practically only self-made clothes. (My oldest sister knitted her first elaborately-patterned sweater at age 11 – doll’s clothes were a breeze for her). We also had a swing, a wooden house and a sandbox in the garden that my dad had built for us, I always made a lot of things myself, mostly from materials that were readily available. Still, while non-commercial the dolls were still gender-typed (though the swing and the sandbox obviously weren’t).”

I think what irks me about the whole capitalistic attitude toward young girls is that they are force-fed things that they are supposed to like. I wholly agree that dolls are okay for young girls and boys, so long as they are not prepackaged and vacuum sealed in mass commercial consumerism. I think it’s absolutely fantastic that your sister and your mum knitted you dolls! I would have much enjoyed the same thing. My beef is with the rampant commercial consumerism that has laid out a clear and easy path for girls to take. If my girls want to play with dolls, I’d be happy to make them dolls, and clothes for their dolls. The crap that’s at Big Box Mart? No Thank You. Gender-type is okay, when it’s coupled with rampant and severe commercial consumerism that’s more concerned on the next dollar than fueling the imagination of our youth, is where I think that a lot of us here have the problem.

” Has the (rather obvious) possiblity never occurred to anyone that toys are gender-specific because kids’ interests are gender specific? Boys and girls are not lead down some kind of primrose path to their interests. At that age, kids are FAR too impulsive to be programmed. Boys instinctively, intuitively, biologically are driven to Transformers, and girls are similarly impelled towards dolls.

Instead of railing against Mother Nature, why not embrace these essential, biological differences?”

See above, basically. Sure, kid’s interests can be gender-specific, BUT, that does not discount the wide majority of the females on this response board who thought (and still think) that Transformers are cool as heck. We’re not all freaks against gender preference. Sure, it’s fine to be more inclined toward playing with dolls, but, the problem here is the mass commercialism attached to said dolls in shopping aisles. I said before that I was into both dolls and Transformers, Ghost Busters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, etc. The “boy toys” were simply cooler. I think that my thoughts on this have been reflected a whole lot already on this response board.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 1:43 pm

58 On November 13th, 2008, Rachel said:

Instead of railing against Mother Nature, why not embrace these essential, biological differences?

Ahhh, the old nature vs. nurture debate. I would argue this: How do you know that you don’t like Brussel sprouts if you’ve never tried them? Even if you naturally gravitate towards carrots and carrots are all that you’ve been offered in life, Brussel sprouts might be your new favorite food if only you branch out and try them.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 3:29 pm

59 On November 13th, 2008, DollyAnn said:

Misty, by your logic then I was a boy as a child because I impulsively preferred Sonic over nail polish.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 5:06 pm

60 On November 13th, 2008, Kelly said:

Wow, what a lot of replies!

The toy playing part of my life wasn’t so long ago. I did have the plastic array of mini-appliances, and Play-doh, which I loved. I had Barbies, including the wonderful year of Midge the controversial pregnant Barbie, and I played with them occasionally. I wanted an Easy-Bake oven too.

The biggest part of all my toys were doll and dollhouses. My sister and I added Lego and Strawberry Shortcake too, and I remember the aisles being all pink and all black.
It is saddening once you think about it, but at the time I didn’t really think about it (maybe it was the advertising affecting me).

I completely agree that toys are extremely gender-oriented nowadays, but I do think nature plays a small part in what children gravitate towards.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 10:00 pm

61 On November 13th, 2008, Bronwyn said:

Misty,

I think you completely underestimate the power of socialization in preferences of children; “too impulsive to be programmed”? It’s 100 times easier to program a child than it is an adult. And from day one kids are absorbing gender stereotypes from the types of commercials you see on TV to the attitudes of parents/relatives/other adults in their lives. And as soon as they hit daycare/preschool/kindergarten they’re starting to feel peer pressure.

You say it’s “obvious” that mother nature causes these preferences, and I say it’s obvious that it’s society.

That’s not to say anyone who liked toys that were specific to their gender has a problem or that they only liked those toys because they were socialized into it; To me, it’s just that there’s a whole world of better play out there if kids aren’t forced to play with only what’s considered appropriate for their gender, and that it’s dangerous to have toys that so obviously enforce gender roles like the playhouse shown in this post;

Sure, I would have loved that as a kid but the commercial is clearly saying that it’s meant for girls, which will turn off boys.. and don’t we want boys who are also willing to do the laundry, bake, and take care of baby?

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 10:29 pm

62 On November 13th, 2008, Jenny said:

My daughter has almost all gender neutral toys: blocks and musical toys, primarily. But the first time I took her to a playground, there was a little toy house in the far back. She cruised straight past all the slides and swings and trucks and went and played house just like she had been playing it for years (mimicking her parents in the kitchen, I suppose). In addition to the girly house playing, she repurposed the box that stores her blocks and made it into a kicky purse. She turns everything with wheels into a baby carriage (though she usually uses random things she has picked up as a doll, since she doesn’t really have one). She makes anything that will fit on her wrist or around her neck into makeshift jewelry. She also has a massive shoe fetish. At 18 months, she will sit and model shoes and has an opinion on what she likes. She also throws fits if I don’t let her wear the shoes she wants to wear (usually her pretty black dress shoes).

Children are going to look to the adults in their lives eventually for their role models and that is going to play a far more powerful role in terms of the people they turn into than the toys we give them to play with. She is looking at me, her mom, who plays with dolls (in the form of her sweet, little baby self), likes to cook in the kitchen, owns several purses, wears kicky shoes, and likes her shiny jewelry.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 11:54 pm

63 On November 13th, 2008, Shifty Jake said:

Gender-neutral toys I played with: Legos (I loved building and furnishing houses), board games (I still love playing them ), books, books, and more books (I couldn’t get enough), card and video games (again, still fun), chalk boards and dry erase boards (along with a host of art supplies and paper), and “Batman”.

Okay, so Batman was less of a toy than a game my dad would play with me, my brother and my sister when we were little and he had us for a week at spring break or Christmas or whatever. I loved the game. One of us would be Batman, Robin, Joker, Penquin, Catwoman… you get the idea. The cast rotated. I remember my dad playing the villain a lot, with us kids alternately playing Batman, Robin, henchmen or other villains. Batman was not always victorious in this game, BTW. Looking back, it’s clear Dad didn’t really associate comic books or horse play exclusively with boys or he wouldn’t have bothered to include me or my sister. I’m glad he did that because not only was it great fun, but it introduced me to the world of comic book heroes, and especially Batman.

As for gender-biased toys, I did play with Barbies (though I remember forcing my cousin to act out a number of historical dramas with them… I think I was kind of a weird kid). I also remember a big box of army men that afforded hours of entertainment. They probably officially belonged to my brother, but did that stop me?

If my experience is anything to go by, if parents don’t actively draw lines between male and female roles and identities, kids won’t take them too seriously, either. I’d play with any toy you put in front of me, mostly, I think, because no one told me that this this toy/activity was for boys, and that one was for girls. I was never exactly a tomboy, but neither was I a “girly-girl”. I’ve always just been me.

I used to work for an after-school program at an elementary school, and we would send the kids outside for “free play” for an hour or more (too long, in my opinion, fights tend to start after about half an hour). A number of kids would get tired of the jungle gym and come over to where one of the volunteers had set up a bunch of coloring books and crayons on a table in the shade. All of the coloring books were girly – fairies, princesses, etc., and girls would be attracted to them first. Eventually, though, the boys would show up, too, and want to color. They would search through the pile of books, looking for something boy-ish, and finding nothing, would settle down instead with a fairy or a mermaid, and have a good time. Turns out, they were far more interested in fun than gender roles.

I think gender roles today are harshest on the boys (children and adults). I mean, it’s way more acceptable for a girl to play sports than for a boy to take ballet. We should work on undermining strict gender roles for everyone.

posted on November 13th, 2008 at 11:58 pm

64 On November 14th, 2008, Jackie said:

Dollyann, did you have the Sonic the Hedgehog 2 denim jacket? I did when I was younger.

posted on November 14th, 2008 at 3:25 am

65 On November 14th, 2008, Jackie said:

Misty, seems you’ve done a great job of not railing against mother nature yourself. You haven’t bothered to educate yourself, past the point of seemingly low intelligence mother nature has given you. It’s also obvious that kids are simply smaller people, and that treating them like some sort of doll which you can decide what their preferences will be, is a sure fire way to make them feel inadequate and strange. Let alone, years later them having a need for a psychiatrist, cause they never got what they wanted for a toy as a child?

posted on November 14th, 2008 at 3:30 am

66 On November 14th, 2008, sannanina said:

Misty, seems you’ve done a great job of not railing against mother nature yourself. You haven’t bothered to educate yourself, past the point of seemingly low intelligence mother nature has given you. It’s also obvious that kids are simply smaller people, and that treating them like some sort of doll which you can decide what their preferences will be, is a sure fire way to make them feel inadequate and strange. Let alone, years later them having a need for a psychiatrist, cause they never got what they wanted for a toy as a child?

I don’t get why you are insulting Misty. I don’t agree with her, but her comment was not insulting, so why say that she has “seemingly low intelligence” and making all kinds of other assumptions about her?

As for gender differences being “natural”: Even in fully socialized adults gender differences have been found to be generally very small. Pretty much the only area I am aware of where this is not the case is sexual behavior – there seem to be some relatively stable differences there. Even then it is a good idea to keep in mind that it is not like all women fall somewhere on the scale and all men at another point – in fact, all gender differences come in “overlapping bell-curves” (and again, most of those curves overlap so much that the difference is not significant).

There have been a lot of books out there along the lines of “Men are from Mars, women are from Venus”. These books don’t just make the mistake of not looking into socialization, but they also greatly exaggerate gender differences. (One of my professors who is a very successful relationship researcher says that she really would like to write a book titled “Men and women are from Earth” because of all the misconceptions concerning gender differences.) So, yes, there might be small “natural” gender differences between the “average” boy and girl, but these differences are most likely very, very small (and again, they are only true for the “average” boy and the “average” girl).

posted on November 14th, 2008 at 7:31 am

67 On November 14th, 2008, Rachel said:

Jackie, your last several comments here have been pretty negative in tone. Please be aware of this site’s comments policy and be more civil, even if you disagree with someone.

posted on November 14th, 2008 at 9:57 am

68 On November 23rd, 2008, Caitlan said:

Art toys! Watercolors, an easel and butcher paper, sketchbooks, clay, and all that. Also, science toys! I particularly liked models that I got to put together but chemistry sets are neat too. Art and science are two of my favorite things, though- and it’s quite possible that if I were a boy my parents would have been frustrated by my sitting alone and sketching for entire afternoons, and I might be a scientist instead of an aspiring artist.

As a kid my best ever presents were my twinn dolls, which are gigantic 2 foot tall dolls with your same hairstyle and freckles and matching clothes. I got one when I was 6 and one when I was 12. The first one I loved to carry with me because it gave people an excuse to fawn, and the second one I sewed clothes for and made jewelry for. So certainly they were gender normative, but I felt when I got them that my parents were telling me I was special… and pretty.

posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 8:38 am

69 On November 23rd, 2008, Brynn said:

These kinds of decisions are tricky business, I’ve been debating Birthday gifts for my daughter for the past month–and then my daughter solved the problem for me. She’s been watching me cook lately, I prepare most of our dinners, and the other night she asked if she could help. Since then she’s been playing more and more with her cook set, and asked if she could have some of the bowls Momma doesn’t use. My husband and I decided to get her a kitchenette playset, because my stove is you know. Dangerous.

I think that’s the key, let the kid decide. Some girls are drawn to fashion and some are drawn to sports. I know plenty of boys who are wonderful chefs/bakers, and wanted cooking sets when they were younger–only to be denied that pink easy bake oven. So I agree with Shifty Jake, down with genders roles for all.

/my two cents

posted on November 23rd, 2008 at 12:13 pm

70 On July 20th, 2009, Rock on, Klara » The-F-Word.org said:

[...] grandma and I took her out birthday shopping at Target. Three rows of vomit-inducing Barbie pink and gender-conforming princess pastels and she picks out the Stars Wars light sabre. I’ve never been so proud. This is my [...]

posted on July 20th, 2009 at 11:35 pm