Deconstructing our crowning glories

18th June 2008

Deconstructing our crowning glories

There’s a great post up at Shapely Prose by guest blogger Heather Bailey, whose stylist insinuated for 12 years that she was too fat to pull off a short haircut. After going to a different stylist who gave her an awesome and very flattering pixie cut, Heather realized:

I believed that hair can magically make you look fatter/thinner and I was afraid of that. We are what we are, and if our culture wants us to “blend in” and feel that we have to hide the fat bits on our hips, thighs, faces - well, it’s up to us to tell them we’re not obligated to make them feel better by feeling bad about ourselves, and we aren’t going to disappear anything about ourselves.

Emphasis mine, because this needs to be heralded about with trumpeting fanfare.

Just last month a woman on a size-acceptance email group I am part of inquired about short haircuts for fat people. She received just a handful of replies from what is normally an active and robust group of members, leading me to believe that short haircuts are just as much a taboo for other fat women as they have been for Heather Bailey. This is news to me, because not only do I have the dread round face which dooms me to perpetual “cuteness,” I’m also fat and sport a fabulous short do - a hairstyle that never fails to earn me compliments and accolades from perfect strangers on a near-daily basis. I’ve had compliments from women, both young and old, black and white. People have found me via Google image search and emailed me with compliments on my hair alone. Middle-aged men have stopped me in the middle of the grocery store aisle to tell me what great hair I have. A male Haitian foreign exchange student on campus once even stopped me mid-stride to tell me how my hair “looks like flames.”

I have my hair colored red now with blonde highlights, but my tresses are naturally blonde. This is significant only because medical rumor has it, blondes have about 100 hairs to a brunette’s one. I’ve always battled unmanageable thick hair that refused to perm and it wasn’t until my freshman year of high school did I cut it short. To raise money for our school band, band members sold coupon books containing discounts to area businesses. One local chain salon offered a free haircut and style. The stylist - also named Rachel - knew beforehand that I had a free coupon and was probably aware of the fact that since I was alone, I might not even know to tip her. Still, she took the time to sit down with me and look through hair books to recommend a style she thought would work. She gave me a short hairdo and not only have I kept it short since, I’ve remained loyal to the same salon, even though it’s half-an-hour from my home. I remember this so poignantly because it was truly one of the few times in my childhood in which I felt pretty and good about myself.

My husband suffers from hereditary premature balding and began losing his hair in his early 20s. He now shaves his head, and, in my wifely opinion, looks way hotter than when he did have hair. But he just doesn’t seem to *get* how important hair is for women and indeed, how we define ourselves by our manes. As Meowser shared with Shapely Prose readers recently, one recent survey of women who suffer from baldness revealed that 63 percent of women had considered suicide over it. Hair is not only a part of our physical selves, we also develop strong emotional attachments to our crowning glories and identify our personalities and characteristics based on them. I wanted dye my hair red for three years before I finally got up the nerve to do so. The entire time my mother - of the “blondes have more fun” mindset - lectured me, “You have naturally blonde hair that women pay good money to get. Why do you want to dye it red?” My brothers tell me they wouldn’t date a girl with short hair - she’s too “masculine,” they say. And it’s not only are cultural forces at play, but religious ones, too. My sister is dating a conservative Apostolic who says he’d prefer she grow her hair long and stop coloring it because long, natural hair is not only Biblical, but feminine, too. Other religious customs yet dictate that only husbands can see the hair of their wives.

Do you have an emotional attachment to hair? Why or why not? Or, got a great ‘do? Show it off in the comments below. I’ll start with a photo of myself and my hairless hubby.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 at 4:55 pm and is filed under Body Image, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On June 18th, 2008, Catgal

said:

I can’t believe that I am the first to comment on this post! I have been wearing my hair short for years, everytime I try to grow it I go back to short, and I mean short short. I just had it cut today as a matter of fact. I am also fat. I have been for years. I would advocate short hair for anyone, you just have to get a stylist that knows what will work with your face shape, shape, fat is not a shape. I get compliments on my hair often as well. If I knew how to post a photo in this space, I would!

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 5:13 pm

2 On June 18th, 2008, Anna

A few weeks ago, I was considering getting a bob, and my then-boyfriend told me I was “too pear-shaped to pull it off”. Long story short, I’m now a single girl with a very cute short haircut.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 5:36 pm

3 On June 18th, 2008, Kelly

My hair is long. I want to cut it, but what if it looks terrible? I was truamatized but my haircut last July, but even then it was only an inch below my shoulders. I was so mad I put it into a ponytail and screamed and raged for two days. Extremely melodramatic. Now no one can touch my hair, not even professionals.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 6:46 pm

4 On June 18th, 2008, Victoria

Do I have an emotional attachment to my hair? Holy crap yes. Before I got more comfortable with my body, my hair was the ONLY thing I liked about myself. It’s still my crowning glory, copper-red and down to my hips.
The fastest way to make angry at you? Tell me it’s blonde not red, or tell me I should cut it and donate it to charity.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 7:20 pm

5 On June 18th, 2008, Morte

Funny I get told all the time that I should cut my hair (which is about waist length) by women with short hair who say it’s “so much easier” (than washing it, brushing it and letting it dry? it GETS easier!?).

I have also observed that most women cut their hair shoulder length or shorter once they hit their late twenties/get married/have kids (because it’s easier is what friends have told me) and that the number goes up as women get older. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this. My mom is the only older heavier woman (mid fifties) I know with long hair and hers is longer than mine (she has beautiful hair).

Personally i think short hair and long hair can both be awesome and that we should go with what we like. I am extremely emotionally attached to my long hair and it took me a decade to find a stylist who respects this and doesn’t constantly try to get me to cut it short (or cut off WAY more than i’ve authorized for a trim, OR give me a hairstyle i specifically said i did not want).

My hair is pretty versatile i usually wear it down (crazy flattering photo) http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa187/HrMortcia/glassestake3.jpg
And this is what it looks liek when i have spent over 2 hours having my sister put it in pin curls which i left in overnight and then used lots of hairspray to achieve this affect:
http://i196.photobucket.com/albums/aa187/HrMortcia/victimcostume.jpg

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 7:28 pm

6 On June 18th, 2008, Charlotte

I have an emotional attachment to my hair in the fact that when I have a bad hair day, the whole day is ruined. But lately, to combat bad hair days, I’ve taken up wearing bandanas; I own several in fun colors and patterns, and I like to mix and match them with various outfits.

Rachel, I love your hair, it reminds me of the cut I had when I chopped all my hair off last summer. Having really short hair was so much fun, it was the shortest I ever had it. I’m enjoying growing it out too, it’s almost at shoulder length now.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 7:36 pm

7 On June 18th, 2008, ksfeminist

“blondes have about 100 hairs to a brunette’s one.”

Ha! Maybe in general, but this brunette has been trying to tame this thick, (obstinately)wavy hair for years. Every time I go to get my hair trimmed, they thin it, and every time, not only am I left with a head full of hair, but the floor beneath the chair looks like I shed a very small dog.

I love your hair, btw. I really, really, really wish I could rock the really short hair, but I’m far too lazy to do extensive styling in the morning and the curly/wavy hair doesn’t do well au natural when it’s short. All this hair talk reminds me that I’ve been meaning to get a new style though…

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 7:42 pm

8 On June 18th, 2008, La di Da

Like Morte commented, I have very long straight hair and often get women with short hair telling me how much easier short hair is - however I haven’t found it to be so. I just wash, dry and brush it and maybe put it into braids or a ponytail. How could it get simpler? The extra 30 seconds of brushing doesn’t really impact my day. I don’t have a “style cut” though - just bangs. I guess longer hair that had layers or something would take longer. I even cut and dye it myself - cutting bangs is pretty easy with clippers, and I just chop the raggy ends off once every few months. To have the trim and colour done at a salon would cost me about $120 every six weeks because there’s so much hair to dye (it’s thick as well as long), but it’s $20 for two boxes of dye for a home job. I’ve never really considered cutting it, as all the short styles I like require more effort than I want to put into my hair. I think it’s pretty cute as it is.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 7:54 pm

9 On June 18th, 2008, Carrie

I have a really short pixie haircut and I would never go another way. I tried going it out only to do a remarkable impression of a cocker spaniel. And it’s easy to manage- I just wash it, mousse it, and go.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 8:19 pm

10 On June 18th, 2008, Des

I have no emotional attachment to my hair, however all the people around me do. My mother and the rest of my family hates the idea of me wanting to cut my hair short. I even once went to a stylist in my neighborhood who downright refused to cut it. I don’t know, I’m thinking about just grabbing the scissors myself and just tucking in. hehe

11 On June 18th, 2008, Brynne

I have very, very thick, dark, curly (type 3b!) hair which I am in the process of growing out from a chin-length cut (it’s about bra strap length right now). I am, I confess, VERY attached to it. Up until a couple years ago, before I learned how to take care of it, it was very frizzy and I HATED it. Now it’s my favorite thing about my physical appearance.

I don’t go to a hairstylist…I cut my own bangs and layers. Risky, I know, but since curly hair doesn’t have to be even at all, I can get away with it.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 8:31 pm

12 On June 18th, 2008, Lindsey

Well we’ve had a conversation about this before on another post of yours, but I got my hair cut short fairly recently and I love it. It’s not EXACTLY what I originally wanted, as I wanted something very similar to yours, but my hair is also a lot thinner than yours, and she told me it probably wouldn’t do anything but lay flat on my head unless I wanted to maintain it, and I know I’m not a big fan of maintenance. xD

But I’m very happy with my hair, and happy that she cut it for me, especially since it was a hairdresser I’d never met before.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 8:46 pm

13 On June 18th, 2008, Misha

I have long hair and I don’t plan on ever cutting it again except for maybe a trim once a year or so. My mother talked me into a short hair cut a few times when I was younger (through blatant bribery) but I always ended up hating it and then had to wait for it to grow out. Oddly enough I can admit it might actually look better shorter but I can’t stand it, it’s so much more work to deal with it. The way it is now, gravity works in my favour. You don’t get “bed-head” with hair like this, I can wash it once a week or so and it’s fine. Maybe it’s because I am an Aspie and I just don’t deal with change very well; I’ve worn my hair in a pony-tail down my back virtually my entire life. I think I will still have this hair style when I’m 80 years old if I live that long. I still can’t imagine why anyone would think short hair is easier than long. With short hair you have to deal with it every morning or it sticks up every which way from sleeping on it, how is that easier?

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 9:22 pm

14 On June 18th, 2008, Froth

I am hugely emotionally attached to my hair. It’s part of my mental map of myself. I cringe when I read about people just casually chopping long hair off, or donating it to charity. I couldn’t amputate my hair any more than my hands.
It’s also gloriously thick, because I am a mutant My hair grows in two to a follicle. Runs in the family.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 9:37 pm

15 On June 18th, 2008, Chantal Madigan

I have fabulous, super-thick, extremely curly hair. In its natural form, it is about the color of two-week-old dog poop. No, not brown: grey. Grey-brown. Think of the most boring color you can imagine, and rest assured that that doesn’t come even close.

I kept it tied in a ponytail most of my life because it was, effectively, triangular. It wouldn’t settle into nice curls.

I then lopped it all off in high school, dyed it every color of the rainbow, and have finally settled with having a cloud of vivid red curls around my head everywhere I go. Only now I’m actually considering growing it long again, because somewhere in there it settled down into thicker, more defined, less-poofy curls.

But yeah, people remember the hair.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 9:55 pm

16 On June 18th, 2008, bookwyrm

I have reasonably thick, straight blond hair of a color women pay hundreds of dollars to acquire. I’m rather proud of it, and, for the first 21 years of my life, kept it quite long. My Daddy liked it that way. But my first child developed this really annoying habit of needing to wrap his fist in my hair to go to sleep, so, when I got pregnant the second time, I cut it off to my chin. It was just so, so cute! I keep wavering between long and short, but, hey, its just hair. I can always grow it out again, or cut if off again if I decide I want to do something new.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 10:05 pm

17 On June 18th, 2008, noni

i have always been attached to my hair, and every time i cut it i would dread looking fatter. when i cut all my processed hair so i could grow out my natural hair and have dreadlocks i damn near hyperventilated and frightened my hairdresser, haha.

i guess since moving here for studies (originally from kenya) and being a broke student i take care of my own hair. i have had my dreads for about 5 years now and i absolutely love them! maybe its because of all the care i put into them, maybe because in part its a big f-you to all the people who told me that my natural hair in all its glorious kinkiness couldnt be managed or ever be beautiful. in short, yeah, i am very attached to my hair.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 10:16 pm

18 On June 18th, 2008, Andy

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=1335069&l=80e6c&id=737656293

I wore my hair short most of the time when I was a kid. This is the second period of time I’ve had it this short, and I LURVE it! No muss, no fuss. Oh, and if you wear it this short, ditch the salon and find a good barber. Just as good (if not better) and way, way cheaper (half as much in my case).

Other people used to say, “Oh, but it was so pretty long!” and the like, but most have stopped. I suppose because my response was always, “So? *I* like it like this. That’s all that matters.”

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 10:19 pm

19 On June 18th, 2008, Alexandra Lynch

Hair is LOADED, yeah.

My hair is stick-straight, thick, and currently two inches below my waist, and dyed a dark chestnut red. It was short when I was in high school, and I hated it, because of the work involved. I liked it better when I dyed it chestnut when I was sixteen, because it was otherwise very dark and made me look Goth, which isn’t my thing. Given that I met my husband at eighteen, he’s never known me when I wasn’t a redhead.

When I got pregnant, my mother was all over me to cut it short because “it would be easier”. Nah. I wore it up in a twist for three months, had one or two “baby hand in the hair” episodes, and they learned not to pull hair just as they learned not to steal glasses off my face. Not a big deal.

I love it the longer it gets, and when I take it down it’s pretty much either for sex or washing, and so that’s kind of self-reinforcing about sensuality, as well as the whole feeling of it on my skin. Needless to say, my husband is rather fond of it too.

At some point, I’ll stop coloring it. Based on how my parents and grandparents greyed, I’ll either have dramatic white and grey streaks on the dark brown base, or I’ll go pewter grey and then slowly snow white. I think either would look really spiffy on hip-length hair. Plus working on it keeps my shoulders mobile. (grin) But I don’t see myself cutting it off unless I get cancer and lose it with chemotherapy, or something like that.

I find it amusing that since I tend to prefer to stay covered up (I burn badly and easily) and have long hair, this kinky pagan sometimes gets misread as a fundie.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 10:46 pm

20 On June 18th, 2008, Zaftige

I’ve been mulling over all of our social paths for women, and thinking cyclically about..is it really okay to care about your hair or makeup or yadda yadda? Aren’t we just buying in to the idea that we’re meant to look pretty? And aren’t we continuing to focus others’ attention on our looks rather than our behaviors and accomplishments? On the other side of the coin, I understand personal expression and, surely, self-pride when you feel happy in your skin and your hair looks GREAT.
That said, I’m lucky enough to have been born with hair I don’t need to worry about. It looks good just being there, and I don’t have to get all ponderous about whether or not I’m giving in to the male majority by styling, crimping, coloring, etc. I’m blond with long straight hair, and though I would want more body (and sometimes dream of reds–oh, the reds!!), my ‘do makes it much easier for me to make peace with that screaming dichotomy!

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 11:42 pm

21 On June 18th, 2008, Piffle

I have long straight hair that is going gray. I don’t trim it, but it’s getting shorter as I get older; it used to go to my mid-back, now it’s barely below my shoulder blades. When I had my kids, I wanted easier too, and my solution is a braid. It only takes a few minutes in the morning.

I think the most difficult length is between the bottom of the ears and shoulder length, because it’s hard to keep out of your face. Longer hair is easy to pull back or tuck behind your ears, shorter hair can’t reach your face.

I definitely have an attatchment to my hair; my mom cut it in a pixie when I was about eight, and I hated it. Never had it short since, though now looking at the pictures, I can see it was very cute. Other people can be cute with hair of all lengths. It’s always been my favorite feature, it’s brown with red highlights and always got me compliments; it’s a bit hard having it go grey.

posted on June 18th, 2008 at 11:57 pm

22 On June 19th, 2008, DawnD

Yes, I definitely have an emotional attachment to my hair. It’s long, fine, and absolutely straight, down to my butt. For the past couple of years I’ve been dyeing it dark auburn. Before that, I’d never touched the color, because my natural shade is a medium-dark brunette, and therefore it won’t take color without bleaching at least some. But I have found that if I’m careful, I can still color my hair, and I really really like it auburn.

When I was a kid, my mom kept my hair short most of the time, and kept trying to “give it some body” by perming. I had it short in high school, and it looked pretty cute most of the time. Except that time that the stylist did a bad job on a “Hamill” cut (remember Dorothy Hamill, the ice skater?), and kept cutting and cutting and cutting, trying to get it right. I ended up with a badly done pixie cut, essentially. That was a really long two months while it grew out enough to be re-shaped.

The other things my mom did to my hair were to perm it, set it, blow-dry it, gel it, and *back-comb* it, to try to “give it body.” So I learned to hate my hair, and to see it as deficient, much in the way that my body was never good enough (she was constantly trying to diminish my body, because you know a girl who wears a size 14 pants is just HUGE. *eyeroll*). Therefore I am graced with a High School portrait that… that… well, words fail me as to how much trouble it was to do my hair and have it look like THAT. It’s screamingly obvious that I graduated in 1980.

At least my college grad photos were better–because I stopped perming and cutting my hair the moment I got out of my parents’ home. I’ve never intentionally cut it more than a few inches at a time since then (though I thought about it a LOT 10 years ago, though, when my girl was a baby!).

I won’t be able to keep it exactly like this forever, since I’m now visibly going grey under the color. But you know, I think I’ll keep it this way as long as it doesn’t look positively silly on me. It doesn’t have much body, there’s even less of it than there used to be, but it’s still smooth and silky, and exceptionally long. It’s really nice having something about my physical being that I LIKE, and I’m not about to cut that off.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 1:58 am

23 On June 19th, 2008, Branwyn

If I could shave my hair off, I would in a second. I have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) and besides having very fine hair (that likes to tangle in a New York Minute) I also have very thin hair. Especially on the top.

My bangs look like whisps. Even though I have long hair (down to the small of my back) when I put it up in a bun it is a very small bun. Braiding it and leaving it down (not in a bun) only leads to the hairs sliding out of the braid, no matter how tightly I braid it.

Honestly, I only keep my hair long because I can’t think of a flattering short style with my male-pattern balding going on. I’ve thought about buying a wig, but in the summer in the arid mountains of Colorado, that would be way to hot on my head.

So, emotional about my hair? Yup (I hate hate hate hate HATE it). Emotionally attached to it? Nope.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 2:19 am

24 On June 19th, 2008, The Bald Soprano

Ok, contrary to the pseudonym, I’m not bald (yet). I have PCOS, and I think I started losing my hair sometime last year or so. It’s hard to tell for sure because I have a LOT of REALLY REALLY curly hair, and a lot of it breaks off when I try to brush it.

I cut my hair short the summer I was 9, which just happened to be the year that it went from fine, wavy hair to coarse curly/kinky hair. Except at the nape of my neck and the sides, where it was straight. I hated the way that haircut looked (seriously, my school picture from that year looked just like a picture of my uncle, I swear. Same haircut.), but it was a LOT easier to take care of, even than the wavy hair before, and certainly much much easier than what happened as it grew out. An afro is a fine style if it’s what you want, but an inadvertant afro that leads to incessant teasing is not so fun. And then the family hairdresser (aunt’s brother-in-law’s ex-girlfriend) tried to make it better by layering it. Then I had a rectangular afro, I swear to god.

The only time I was happy with my hair since then was when I got it straightened, but I can’t even blow it straight myself, it just turns back into the afro, even though my hair is almost to my waist now. Every summer, I consider cutting it all off, even shorter than before and trying to spike it, but I chicken out. I fear getting the same look I had in middle school. And my hair isn’t quite curly enough for the rocking short-dos I see on African-American celebs. (Even if it was, there isn’t a single hairdresser I’ve found in Munich who has any experience with this kind of hair.)

Even though I hate my hair, I still got really depressed when I realized that I was starting to lose it. Even though I decided that if it gets really thin or I get a bald spot, I’m going in for crazy wigs (for example, a purple bob-cut wig is on my list), and my husband is totally supportive, I still cry at the thought of losing my hair sometimes. In fact, I teared up while writing this email.

(yes, the blog I just started is going to be about going bald, among other HAES-with-chronic-conditions topics)

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 3:27 am

25 On June 19th, 2008, Boobsihazdem

I have just about waist length hair, the longest it has ever been. I see a lot of big women with very short hair, and fabulous haircuts at that, but I just look…unbalanced with short hair. After years of bobs and and shoulder length hair, I’ve started growing it. I’m looking forward to having hair down to my tail bone in about 5 years time! It’s straight, but it can curl very easily, and I barely need to do anything to keep it tidy. I can braid and plait and pony tail to my hearts content without using styling products.

I wouldn’t know what to do with short hair other than keep it trimmed and wash it. Short hair looks like a lot of work to keep looking good!

Emotionally attached? Yes. I love the way it looks, I love the way it feels.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 4:01 am

26 On June 19th, 2008, vicky smith

I love my hair, short, long, brown, black, blonde, red or my fav blue and purple highlights, I love to play and experiment with different styles but I hate going to the hairdressers and staring into a mirror for an hour or two. Luckily a very good friend of mine loves to experiment on my hair too! And it only costs me a bottle of wine (after she’s finished)!

Vx

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 5:03 am

27 On June 19th, 2008, Jackie

I don’t see what the problem is with perpetual cuteness.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 5:17 am

28 On June 19th, 2008, Cassandra

LOL! I love this post because it soooooo fits me right now!! I have long hair, waist length hair, and it has become part of my identity. I am actually growing it out for Locks of Love, but now I am finding myself having trouble parting with it.

I also notice a relationship between my hair and my weight too. I like it because it “covers me”. My hair also shows more of how I am taking care of myself and when my eating disorder gets really out of control, my hair is the first thing that I really notice (it gets extremely dry and dull looking). In some ways, my own preoccupation with keeping my hair looking healthy has helped me stay out of some dangers related to my eating disorder… I will do almost anything to keep it healthy. My hair doesn’t belong to me, it is for the cancer patients - so I tend to take care of myself better because of this.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 7:27 am

29 On June 19th, 2008, Cassandra

Oh, I forgot to add — someone I work with has butt length, thick-thick hair. Her hubby is totally bald! She has had long hair all of her life and it is so funny to see them together. They got teased a lot when she was pregnant because we all hoped the baby had HER HAIR

You and your hubby look cute together. The hair matches, especially when your hubby gets embarrassed - bald guys turn red all over (silly wink)!! Your hair is so pretty!

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 7:30 am

30 On June 19th, 2008, Rachel

Wow, I had no idea this was such a loaded topic! It seems hair has struck a chord in a lot of women here.

Cassandra: He misses his hair, but I tell him I have fabulous enough hair for the both of us

Zaftige write: “is it really okay to care about your hair or makeup or yadda yadda?”

I see your point, but on the other hand, hair is something appears universal to women, fat or thin, black or white, young or old. If having a great cut and style makes someone feel good and confident about themselves, I don’t think its necessarily playing into the patriarchy. I get up each day and dress in nice clothes that are clean, pressed and figure-flattering. Is it because I want to conform to some beauty standard or is it because it makes me feel good appearing presentable?

For all of you with naturally curly hair, especially long naturally curly hair, I’m so envious. I’ve always wanted Nicole Kidman’s hair or Andy MacDowell’s hair but red. I know some people with that kind of hair and they say they hate it, so maybe it’s just a case of the grass is greener on the other side.

Short hair is so remarkably easy to take care of and is one of the reasons why I continue to stay short. My morning routine is this: Shower, put gel in my hair, blow-dry upside down and with a round brush to give fullness and then finger shape with styling putty. It takes 5 minutes tops to go from soaking wet to the photo above.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 9:06 am

31 On June 19th, 2008, Aggie

It’s interesting…I have no emotional attachment to my hair whatsoever, but other people sure do. It’s a very striking shade of natural deep red. I’ve had it very long, all the way down my back, and I’ve had it in a super-short pixie cut. I love the super-short cuts; I have a smallish face with fine features, and my face just vanishes when my hair gets too long. Plus, I enjoy the rebellious act of chopping off my hair. It always feels cleansing and fantastic. It makes me feel strong and powerful, although I can’t really explain why.

But every single time I have gone from long to short again, it practically inspires hysteria in other people–sometimes in people who barely know me. It’s creepy. I don’t like having my hair fetishized, and you would not believe the comments I get when I cut it off. It’s like other people somehow feel ownership of my hair. And men actually take it as a personal insult. They really do. Men who only see me at the bustop or a coffee shop now and then will actually stop me to have a conversation about why I cut off my hair. I want smack them. And I want to say, “You know what? I have a face. See? I’m not just hair. See? My eyes? My mouth? My cheekbones? All here!” I don’t have the most gorgeous face by any means, but I detest being seen as nothing but hair. And I don’t think I would have this problem if it weren’t an unusual color that men happen to fetishize for some reason. My husband is an exception to this; he thinks short hair on women is hot. The last time I went from long to short, it was an impulse thing. I told him, take one last look because it’s all coming off. He just gave me the thumbs up and said, “cool”, and that was it. But I got a lot of questions about “Didn’t your husband get upset? I can’t believe he let you cut your off! What did he SAY?” And blah, blah, blah.

Most of the women I work with have long, very feminine hair. It’s fine, but I actually really like being the one female with a sassy short cut that I can punk out with gel. Now that I’ve had it short for so long, I think I would feel silly and overly-girly having it really long again. Maybe it’s because I associate long hair with submission, somehow. No offense to anyone with long hair–I think it’s beautiful–but for me personally, that’s the association I have with it when my own own hair is long. I feel like I’m somehow deliberately pleasing men by keeping it long. All men ever notice about me is “red hair!!” So it’s a big fuck-you to them to get it cut and deprive them of their stupid fantasies about my damn long red hair.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 10:07 am

32 On June 19th, 2008, Shade

For the longest time, I believed my hair was the ONLY attractive thing about me.

Now I know I’m gorgeous–but my hair is falling out. I’ve seriously considered shaving my head…I can’t even wear a hat, so a wig is out of the question.

I have lost sleep over this. I have cried, more than once. This has been a MAJOR stumbling block in my quest for self-acceptance. Yeah, hair’s a big deal.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 10:31 am

33 On June 19th, 2008, nuckingfutz

Rachel, I’ve always loved your hair. If I had straight hair, that’s the kind of look I’d go for in a heartbeat.

However, I have insanely curly hair. So much so that I had some really disastrous haircuts when I was younger. Remember the mullet? Yeah… not a good look on someone with naturally curly hair. I was called “velcro head” for months. I hated my hair for the LONGEST time. I always said that if I thought I could get away with shaving it off, I would. But I recently found a website just for curlies, with a ton of tips and whatnot on taking care of your hair. The same week, I chopped my bra-strap-length hair off into an inverted bob. And the first person who saw me with the new cut was my best friend’s daughter, who said “OMG, I LOVE your hair!” I have gotten a few snide “your hair looks too 80’s. And not in a good way.” comments from people, though. But I suspect that has more to do with those people being stuck in the mindset that curly automatically equals permed, which I admit was WAY too popular in the 80’s. This is what it looks like now:
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c175/NuCkInGfUtZ_/Suzi/PICT0035.jpg
Funnily enough, I haven’t found myself hating my hair AT ALL since I learned how to take care of it and got it cut. This is a huge deal for me, because I’ve hated my hair for as long as I can remember. Of course, I have days when it doesn’t look as good as I would like, but I haven’t gone so far as to say I “HATE” it for weeks now. And The Hubby, who wasn’t too keen on me getting it cut short (he likes long hair on me) is constantly playing with it, because with this cut, my curls BOING. lol My oldest daughter - who is severely autistic - is enthralled with it, too. I can’t tell you the number of times she’s come up to me and just stood there, staring at my hair.

I would definitely agree that hair is a big deal. I think the reasons are different for different people, of course, but that feeling is universal, I think.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 10:56 am

34 On June 19th, 2008, mccn

I do feel exactly the same way - my hair is extremely thin, so thin that I can’t put it in a ponytail because nothing will hold it up (I use clips meant for infants to pull all of it back.) I feel so strong and confident about my body - and so ashamed of my hair; ashamed, as though I’ve done something wrong, or failed. In the way I used to look for other fat women, to reassure myself I wasn’t the freak I thought I was, I always look for other women with hair like mine when I’m out and about (though I’ve never seen any). It IS a large part of how I understand femininity, though I haven’t been able to figure out why.

And, FWIW, the first time I met my husband - a year before we started dating or got to know one another, he said that he thought I was possibly gay, because I showed up to a meeting in a tank top and a short haircut. Now, there are a lot of stereotypes and assumptions there, and not positive ones - and we have talked about them a lot (he’s not a bad guy - we all of us need help sometimes to see our own blinders). But it confirmed my feeling that the world judges my femininity based on my hair - and that I’ll never measure up.

Since then, I’ve been growin my pitiful frail mane out, because I didn’t want to be judged negatively as a professional. I miss my short cut - I think it looked better, and it felt better. But I am already on such shaky internal grounds with this, I don’t have it in me to combat hair-based judgements yet.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 11:27 am

35 On June 19th, 2008, Moderndayhermit

Ugh, I know what you mean about perpetual cuteness. If I hear someone tell me I’m ‘cute’ one more time I’ll scream. Dogs are cute.

I have short hair and have for some years now. My style is almost identical to the photo but my hair is brown. I’d love to get highlights and dye my hair (my stylist keeps suggesting red) but I have to admit I’m just too lazy to add one more *thing* to my regimen.

I used to hate my hair until about 7 years ago when I found this cut in a magazine. I’ve been rocking it ever since and I love it. It’s so easy to manage, takes only about 8 minutes of my time to blow dry and fix and it looks great. I, too, get compliments on the cut.

I’m not sure if I’m emotionally attached, as long as it grows back I’ll do whatever I feel like to my hair at the moment. If it were suddenly disappear I think I’d be very upset.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 11:44 am

36 On June 19th, 2008, Rachel

Moderndayhermit: I actually don’t mind the extra time involved in having my hair colored each month. I consider it my own luxury me time, in which I gossip with my stylist or read a magazine or catch up on my work voicemails. My husband, the loafer, constantly remarks on how on the go I always am and how I always have to be doing something (thanks ADD). Having a head full of hair dye and foils kind of forces you to sit back and relax.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 12:09 pm

37 On June 19th, 2008, B

From Rachel’s husband

When I was a teenager my hair was a defining feature. I had wavy light brown hair with natural blond highlights, and a “cowlick” in front that gave my hair a flip, think Hugh Grant in 90’s movies. My hair started thinning out in my late teens early twenties, and became a constant source of worry until I shaved it off when I was 29. It takes me 5 mins to get ready in the morning now, I never have to worry about driving with my windows down, don’t worry about walking into the wind. And pretty much never think about my bald head until it gets spikie and needs to be buzzed again. Buzzing your head is a very freeing experience, I recommend everyone try it.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 12:53 pm

38 On June 19th, 2008, Rachel

No thanks, honey. I don’t think I’m quite ready to go all Sinead O’Connor just yet.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 1:36 pm

39 On June 19th, 2008, Gerald

oh yes! i used to wear my hair really long but cut it short and went blond in the last year and can’t imagine it looking any way else.

and IMO, i’ve always thought short haircuts look really great on round faces and not-so-flattering on long and narrow faces. i’m so over big porn star hair on fat women (eg, kirstie alley on fat actress. ugh). its like, what, your hair needs to be twice as big as your head.. to make your body look smaller? wha? lol

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 1:39 pm

40 On June 19th, 2008, Felicia

Hi! What a fascinating post.
First of all, you and your husband are absolutely drop dead gorgeous, both of you. And you are way cute but beyond cute, too, round face or not. Just plain beautiful! So there.

Okay, yes, I’m very “attached” to my hair. I had it long for years as a teenager and finally only cut it in my early twenties. Since then it’s been every length from practically non-existent to long again, permed, straight, dyed, henna’d, natural… you get the idea.

But I do love my hair the way it is, which is graying rapidly. I made the decision about three years ago to let it grow out and to stop coloring it. I travel for my living and keeping up with color while on the road is just a waste of time plus I was interested to see just how much gray I had coming in. My mother’s hair is pure white (she’s 78 this year) and looks gorgeous so I was hoping for the same. Mine is coming in sort of steely-gray with hints of white in the front which I’m thrilled about as I think my Mom’s hair is great and I’ve always wanted to have a white streak in front but didn’t have the guts to bleach it.

Last year, my Mom underwent treatment for breast cancer. In the process her hair began to fall out so, in a fit of support, I offered to buzz-cut my hair in solidarity with her. At the time it was an easy thing to say and I’d done it before years ago (bad break up- what else can I say) and had no problems… but this time was different. I had to really steel myself to follow through and up until the day it was scheduled I found myself waffling about it.

A friend of mine, who is a shaman, got me through the waffling with some counseling- and the cut itself was a fabulous experience. My Mom was thrilled with not only my hair but hers and we both looked great! Now my Mom is in remission, her hair is growing back and so is mine.

Anyway, I love my hair and would deeply miss it if it fell out. I don’t know that I’d consider suicide, though- I hope I have a stronger sense of my self than being so strongly identified with one aspect of my body that I’d think death would be preferable than not having it… But I’ve never been one to conform to society unless I feel like it and after years of therapy and solo work on my self I feel pretty much okay about everything about me, hair included.

Now I’m growing it back out again. I want to see just how long it will get and how white, too. It’s an adventure!

Thanks for the fascinating post and I appreciate the opportunity to comment, too.

Namaste.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 2:32 pm

41 On June 19th, 2008, MrsDrC

Haha, my husband would agree with your Rachel. He used to go bald every summer, then shave the beard to a gotee. He did it yearly in grad school.

Women dont quite have the same option. When a woman shaves her head she starts to get questions about her chemo.

Now ya’ll have me thinking about a pixie cut. My poor husband keeps hoping I’ll grow it long again.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 4:14 pm

42 On June 19th, 2008, s

I’ve noticed a huge change in how people respond to me now that my hair is longer.

When I used to have a pixie cut, I often passed for a boy. It wasn’t just the hair, admittedly–it was also the adolescent boy body, the boy clothes, the lack of makeup.

And now it’s not just my shoulder-length hair, but also the fact that I wear dresses and fell in love with espadrilles and am addicted to lip gloss.

But it’s really startling. People used to ask *me* for help; now, they assume I need it. I felt like a tour guide, given how frequently I was asked for directions. Help reaching something from a high shelf, how to work the photocopier, how to open the tricky door. People looked at me like they look at my dad, including me by default in conversations about things like how to bail water from a basement (even though I know nothing about that).

Now, though–I don’t even have to exert the tiny bit of effort to press the elevator button by myself, let alone carry my own groceries or hail my own cabs. No one ever assumes I’ll even help with bailing water, let alone that I might have an opinion on the subject. Last night my fare card wouldn’t work and some guy winked and swiped his for me. This morning an older gentlemen thwapped some jerk with his walking stick when he wouldn’t leave me alone, and then he insisted I take his seat.

It’s very weird. I don’t think I ever noticed anyone being mesmerized by my non-existent chest before; now it’s apparently riveting. Just, everything is different. How people stand, relative to me, and the ways they touch me. Sex is totally, totally different.

I guess I could chop off all of my hair again and see what happens but the funny thing is that I weirdly like it. It’s sort of nice, and I’m not sure how I feel about that yet. I guess it says enough that I am keeping my hair longer and still wearing dresses.

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 7:59 pm

43 On June 19th, 2008, Rhia

I only had short hair, a pixie cut, when I was very young. I cried when my Mom insisted I cut my long curly/wavy hair off for that pixie. I finally tried short hair again as an adult. I used a trusted stylist and we researched the best cut for my face shape and my hair texture and all. It was a great cut, but not on me. I LOVE my long wavy hair. Its full, its layered, the color is beautiful(a dark rich cinnamon brown) and I get compliments on it. I don’t care if I’m fat or thin or young or old, my hair is beautiful just how I choose to wear it. Nobody can take that from me!

posted on June 19th, 2008 at 10:48 pm

44 On June 20th, 2008, Leslie Robin

Hair style is such an expression of Self. The folks who say to me: “You should grow your hair and lose weight” are saying more about themselves than about me….

When I go to get my hair cut, I ask for #2 shears. That cuts it really short, and that’s the way I FEEL BEST ABOUT MYSELF.

My brother died a year ago, and his widow keeps reminding me that my brother wanted me to grow my hair. I feel caught between Those That Love Me, and My Self.

I also dyed my hair a strawberry-blonde and it is so Me. It brings color and ‘character’….

I see hair length/color as a way of expression. More power to buzz cuts for women,
more power to purple hair, more power to Us.

posted on June 20th, 2008 at 7:35 am

45 On June 20th, 2008, MizFit

long time listener
first time caller

HAD TO SAY I LOVE YOUR HAIR.

you are beautiful INSIDE and out.

posted on June 20th, 2008 at 7:43 am

46 On June 20th, 2008, Subgrrl8

I have had short hair for years and years, actually I had short hair always as a child per my own wishes. I was actually asked more than once whether I was a boy or a girl as a child, which always puzzled me because I didn’t think that mattered.
As I got older, I tried growing my hair out. I have very very thick, curly hair- not tight curls, but the kind of white-grrrl-curly that gets tighter as it gets longer, not the other way around. So whenever I did grow my hair out, it was a pain in the butt. I have scalp issues (cradle cap as a kid, prone to oily and yet dry/flaky at the same time), so I would only be able to wash it once every 4 days, and then I had to shampoo it 5 times to get close enough to my scalp to take out the flakes and oil. Special conditioners, and it would take, even at only neck length, over 8 hrs or more to dry. I couldn’t shower in the morning because the hair would frizz rather than curl, etc and so forth.
It is because of this, mainly, that I have stopped trying to have that bedroom feminine hair that everyone thinks I should have (I would get lots of comments on my “doll-like” hair, so much so that I felt that no one ever saw ME, just MY HAIR).

I love the pixie cut, which works on me even though I don’t have a prominent chin (yay Swedish ancestors!), and have a very indistinct jaw line. With long hair, I look like I have just a long horse head because of how long my jaw is and how un-prominent my facial structure is. I love my pixie cut! I get to dye it whatever I want too, because the color/damage gets cut off so fast!

I’m going to be a hair dresser soon (starting school this fall) and I can’t wait to help other lovely sladies like those here in finding good cuts for who they are- not what they are supposed to do by someone’s awful non-FA standards. I’m gonna pass the pixie cut along, no matter the size!

posted on June 20th, 2008 at 5:58 pm

47 On June 21st, 2008, Quick Post: Darn the Hair! « Diary of a Fat Teenager said:

[...] I want to watch Joy Nash’s new video!! I CURSE TEH INTERNETZ!) After reading this (*edit* and this), however, it makes me want to just cut it all off. I love that cut. I don’t even honestly [...]

posted on June 21st, 2008 at 12:35 am

48 On June 21st, 2008, Constance

Emotional attachment to my hair? Uh, no. I don’t even fear a bad haircut because it’ll always grow back.

It’s been long, short and everywhere in-between. It’s been permed (never again) and colored continuously since I turned 50. Right now it’s short because it’s summer and I loathe sweaty hair on the back of my neck. Being a lazy sort I love being able to wash and wear. And the coloring I use is the cheapest in the store, Revlon Colorsilk. I’ve tried the more expensive brands but they don’t make my hair as shiny.

posted on June 21st, 2008 at 12:46 pm

49 On June 21st, 2008, Karen

I go back and forth long and short depending on what mood strikes me or if I’m growing it out to donate it Take a look…

http://zaftigcutie.blogspot.com/

posted on June 21st, 2008 at 1:15 pm

50 On June 21st, 2008, Kriss

I find this interesting that some fat women are saying they are being told not to wear their hair short.

I used to wear my hair short–it was short as a child because my mother, a beautician, didn’t want to have to style one more head of hair, so I always had the wash and wear variety. I kept it short until I left college and started working. By this time I was sick of short hair and wanted to grow my hair long but I was being told “Oh, no! Big (fat) girls don’t look good with long hair, keep it short.”

I ignored the “advice” mainly because my mother always said, “find a style that looks good with your face and it doesn’t matter how long or short you have your hair. besides, it’s only hair–if you don’t like it, you can change it and it grows back (usually).” I didn’t agree with my mother on a lot of things but she knew hair and I knew that was one area I could trust her judgement in.

posted on June 21st, 2008 at 3:31 pm

51 On June 22nd, 2008, tiptoe

Rachel, your hair looks fabulous! I wish I could pull off something like that!

Cassandra’s words fit me to a “T.” “LOL! I love this post because it soooooo fits me right now!! I have long hair, waist length hair, and it has become part of my identity. I am actually growing it out for Locks of Love, but now I am finding myself having trouble parting with it.”

My hair is long, straight, and very thick. At one point, my hair did thin out due a medication, and boy, I was incredibly depressed about that. Since then, I’ve never had anything shorter than at my shoulders which I hated. I have, however, played around with highlights of blonde, red, and blue. The blue was the best though!

I do want to get my hair cut (plan on donating it too), especially with the warm weather and running. When you mistaken rain for sweat at the bottom tips of your hair, it means it’s getting a little too long.

posted on June 22nd, 2008 at 2:58 pm

52 On June 23rd, 2008, AMQ

I have had my hair every which way imaginable. I have had life altering haircuts and horrible haircuts. I always end up chopping it off once I get to shoulder length. In high school, i had a mane of long long hair. It was really pretty-but just there. I had roommates in college slowly chop away at it and I have not looked back since. It feels good. Currently, it is a pixie cut and I love it. It reminds me of a baby.

I get to a certain point and it just creeps up back to a short pixie. It is a natural evolution for me, I guess. My mom is really the only one who has a problem with it when it gets really short.
I think a lot of people hide behind their hair. It is very liberating to cut it. Sometimes I feel like I can finally breathe again when its short. I have noticed that I do not get looks from the opposite sex as much anymore. Maybe that is my own insecurity in a sea of long locks.

posted on June 23rd, 2008 at 11:37 pm

53 On June 27th, 2008, RS