I love the smell of bacon in the morning*

8th May 2008

I love the smell of bacon in the morning*

I rarely shopped at Wild Oats, but after Whole Foods bought the chain out, I’ve been finding new reasons to fall in love with the new store with each and every shopping trip. Lower prices tops the list, but it’s their hot and cold bars that make me swoon. My husband and I are vegetarian, but we’re bad vegetarians. I am not down with tofu; I am not seitan savvy; I cannot make brilliant bulgar-based meals; I do not even know how to pronounce quinoa. And my inability to follow even the most simplest of directions precludes any possibility of following recipes for such fabulous meals. I also do not keep track if I am getting enough protein or calcium or any of those other nutrients my mother still anxiously asks when I politely decline her breakfast casserole surprise.

I say this to preface why it is seeing vegan General Tso’s chicken on Whole Foods’ deli bar sent me squealing in delight, dropping my bags and speed dialing my husband.

General Tso’s chicken was my dish before I went vegetarian and I haven’t had anything like it since. Until now. The texture was a bit off, but overall it’s pretty tasty and as close to the real thing as I’m going to get, unless, of course, my appetite triumphs over my morals. Whole Foods also has an awesome vegetarian meatloaf and vegan dal and a stellar curry tofu chicken salad. (And no, I am not a paid shill for Whole Foods nor have they promised me my body weight in their vegan General Tso’s chicken for extolling all the ways in which I love the chain, but on the chance any Whole Foods execs are reading, let’s talk).

My husband, the avid Slate reader, sent me a link to one of the most hilarious stories I’ve read in a good long while, “Meatless like me” by Taylor Clark. The story is a must read for anyone who’s vegetarian/vegan and those meat-eaters who know and love ‘em anyway. For those of you who happen to think us all to be a collective mass of tree-hugging, Kum ba ya-singing, hand-holding, Peta fanatics, think again. Writes Clark:

Imagine a completely normal person with completely normal food cravings, someone who has a broad range of friends, enjoys a good time, is carbon-based, and so on. Now remove from this person’s diet anything that once had eyes, and, wham!, you have yourself a vegetarian. Normal person, no previously ocular food, end of story.

It might surprise you, meat-eaters, that many veggies, including myself, find Peta to be as obnoxious as you do. I’ve written before on why it is I won’t join Peta, and recently so have other vegetarians within the fatosphere. Perhaps the antics of Peta radicals is why, whenever I offer up my vegetarianism as simple fact, I have apologetic carnivores falling all over their leather shoes disqualifying their dietary choices. Clark articulates it much better than I, though:

Which leads me to a vital point for friendly omnivore-herbivore relations. As you’re enjoying that pork loin next to me, I am not silently judging you. I realize that anyone who has encountered the breed of smug vegetarian who says things like, “I can hear your lunch screaming,” will find this tough to believe, but I’m honestly not out to convert you.

I’ve met my share of smug veggies at the local Earthsave potlucks I used to attend years ago and trust me, I am not one of them. There were the pure raw foodists, who looked disdainfully on the vegans for molesting potatoes to a sad, mushy pulp. The vegans, in turn, looked down on the vegetarians, as if we drank milk right off the cow’s teat and like Rumpelstiltskin, stole the first-born eggs of every poor mother hen. You could always spot the vegetarians in this crowd, especially the recently converted: We were the ones standing about looking a bit bewildered, wondering where to set our macaroni salad made with eggs and mayonnaise among the melee of raw, vegan, lacto-ovo, and ovo marked tables.

So, how does this entire self-obsessed vegetarian rant and article relate to the larger theme here? It doesn’t, really, but I can make it fit in some creative ways:

Lesson 1: Vegetarianism isn’t a weight-loss diet. Vegetarians like food as much as any meat-eating foodies; we just don’t eat foods that once had a face. I’m talking to you, Max & Erma’s, and your burgers that come with fries, while the charred frisbee you call a veggie burger is served with a side of limp lettuce.

Lesson 2: Refuse to feel guilty for the food choices you make and try not to make others feel guilty for the food choices they make. This goes for both herbivores and carnivores: I won’t inform you in gory detail on how exactly that factory-farmed bovine you’re biting into lost its life or if it might contain Mad Cow Disease, if you won’t make jokes on how I can go pick my dinner from the flower bed or lecture me on how we’ve naturally evolved to dine on flesh.

Lesson 3: Lighten up. ‘Fess up you hardened meat-eaters: Did you read the Slate article and chuckle even once? Did a smile cross those same lips that also delight in the meatiness of a good steak? Humor can diffuse even the most divisive of topics. As they say, you win more bees with (vegan) honey than you do vinegar.

Bon appetit.

*Not, really; it’s just a bad play on an “Apocalypse Now” quote. I never liked bacon, even when I did eat meat.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 2:32 pm and is filed under Personal, Vegetarianism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On May 8th, 2008, i-geek

said:

Hee. “Bacon layer cake.”

I too love Whole Foods, and while I’m an omnivore, I have occasional herbivorous phases. I’ll have to check out that General Tso’s next time I’m there. And I agree, it’s not helpful if either side of the meat issue gives crap to the other side. We all make different choices, for different reasons. *shrugs*

(FYI the Punjabi Cabbage on the Whole Foods hot bar isn’t as good as it smells. I bought it based on its smell alone (and to go along with the butter chicken), and was a little bit disappointed when I got it home. I like my curried things really spiced, and this was a bit flat. It was still decent, though, and scads better than fast food or frozen stuff.)

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 3:13 pm

2 On May 8th, 2008, rebecca

quinoa is pronounced KEEN-wah

lovely post!

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 4:45 pm

3 On May 8th, 2008, Robby

First time posting here, kudos on the great blog!

This post makes me think of one of Herman Hesse’s Fairy Tales, a story where a group of fundamentalist vegetarians form a breakaway Republic.

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 4:57 pm

4 On May 8th, 2008, Juliet

I have major meat issues at times. I love animals and feel tremendous guilt eating them. Worse, I like meat (most meat), so I feel even more guilt for that. I have bizarre rules, like I won’t “eat my neighbors” which means no elk, deer or rabbit.

I buy only cage free eggs and boycott Wendy’s breakfasts because they refuse to switch. I won’t buy Canadian seafood or eat anywhere that serves it because of the seal hunt. I try very hard to buy free range beef and only buy free range chicken (the beef can be hard to find, and sadly sometimes is just out of my price range). I buy organic dairy whenever possible.

My mom is a vegetarian, and I gave it a go for six months. I wound up anemic and despite my best efforts, I missed meat.

I now have the added complication of not being able to consume much soy (because it exacerbates my hypothyroidism), which takes away all of the meat substitutes I did like. So… I’ve accepted that I’ll probably never be a veg again and I do my best to ensure that the animals I do consume have been treated kindly… and don’t visit my backyard.

BTW, bacon is one meat my mother says she still misses, so I found your title entertaining. She says the smell is still fabulous to her, something she’s a bit ashamed of (she cooked meat for my brother and I, and still does for our little sister).

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm

5 On May 8th, 2008, Marste

I read that article this morning and LOVED it! I thought of you, and I sent it to my mom (who is also vegetarian).

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 5:21 pm

6 On May 8th, 2008, Rebecca M.

GIANT YES to all of this. Damn, I wish we had Whole Foods around here.

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 5:54 pm

7 On May 8th, 2008, pennylane

Ooooh–I remember the good old days when I had access to the Whole Foods bar. It may be for the best, though, since I would have gone bankrupt.

When I became a vegetarian at 12 my mother told me I’d have to make my own food because she wasn’t making two foods. I think she thought it would abbreviate my experiment with vegetarianism (especially after a tofu disaster I’d rather not talk about) but I’m eternally grateful because it made me learn to cook and now 20 years later and a vegan I enjoy cooking and eating very much.

I love to share food (cooking ideas or restaurant tips)–but judgment about food is no fun.

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 7:11 pm

8 On May 8th, 2008, Twistie

I giggled my way through that article. Thanks for pointing it out!

I’m an omnivore who has happily consorted with vegetarians for many years, and even fed them without resorting to nothing but green salad and unseasoned tofu. It’s always puzzled me how flustered many omnivores get at figuring out how to feed a vegetarian. It’s just food.

Vegetarianism - let alone veganism - may not be for me, but if you’re ever in my neck of the woods, I’d happily cook for you, Rachel. There’s an amazing range of flavors and textures in the veggie world, and I find it ridiculous that so many of my fellow omnivores forget that when thinking of meatless meals.

Oh, and you may not be getting paid your weight in General Tso’s faux chicken, but I’d like to suggest to any Whole Foods honchos reading this that they would be getting a bargain if they did. I’m just saying.

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 7:44 pm

9 On May 8th, 2008, Sherie Sanders

I really enjoyed this article and appreciate its insight. One of the reasons I refuse to become
a full fledged vegetarian is the nagging and preaching of hardliner veggies. Articles in Alternet
like you MUST be a vegetarian to call yourself a progressive. I HATE evangelism in all its forms.
One thing though! I am not sure Whole Foods taking over Wild Oats was such a good thing. Whole Foods has bought up all other health food chains so it can have a monopoly on the market. It can keep prices for healthy food high that way. Also, the founder of Whole Foods was caught trashing Wild Oats on a bulletin board so their stock would go down, and he could get a better deal. Despite their facade he is a ruthless businessman. I shop at Trader Joes as much as possible and I hope he keeps his hands off of them!!!

posted on May 8th, 2008 at 9:07 pm

10 On May 9th, 2008, cggril

Ha nice post!

And Rachel thanks to you I’ve discovered how much I LOVE quorn! Hooray! Best chicken substitute yet. And the Morningstar crumbles - I love those too, my husband makes me spaghetti bolognese with that stuff. So yummy.
I should try that general Tso’s. (Or maybe learn to cook it myself with Quorn?)

Juliet you are right to listen to your body. I know it’s easy for me to say but try not to feel guilty After all, you tried going veg and it just didn’t work. So you try to get free range, I think that’s awesome and more than most of us do for animals really. (I guess I should learn to be as positive with myself and my own choices. guilt gets me every time.)

Oh and I understand your mom. I miss bacon too… I’d ask Rachel for good substitutes but she never liked bacon in the first place.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 2:00 am

11 On May 9th, 2008, cggril

Oh Veggie patch has good stuff, they have delish meatless meatballs and breaded chick’n and stuff…

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 2:01 am

12 On May 9th, 2008, happyapple

You can keep your bacon smell. I mean, there are some meat-smells that I miss (chicken and dumplings soup, pot roast…mmm, pot roast, and I don’t even know what animal a pot roast is) but bacon isn’t one of them. Especially that bacon you microwave. Even my meat-eating friends agree agree that microwave bacon has a very distinct and unappetizing odor.

I do dislike when omnivores try to rationalize to me why they eat meat. I mean, I generally don’t care what you eat, so long as you aren’t being a brat about me not eating it, so why care what I eat? So it always makes me feel awkward when people tell me fervently they have X disorder or need Y nutrients or even “just really really like meat and could never ever give it up ever!” and that’s why they eat meat. It’s not like I’m the Meat Fairy who goes around granting Meat Eating Privileges to those I deem worthy. Here, have a Poultry Coupon! And if you’re really good, you may just earn a Red Meat Voucher!

I liked the article and I agree with it. I don’t really bring up being vegetarian unless I’ve got a good reason (like if someone suggests going to a restaurant that has nothing vegetarian or modifiable or if someone waves a piece of steak in my face and demands I try it) so it’s not something I’m into evangelizing which makes those conversations even more disconcerting. I don’t have a 5 point program prepared in defense of vegetarians since I’m not into debating it.

….and I wish I had a Whole Foods nearby. A food bar sounds really good since I have a tendency to be a bad vegetarian. Ugh, cooking and trying new things. Ick.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 2:12 am

13 On May 9th, 2008, happyapple

Oh, I take that back. They must have opened a new one since the last time I checked. There’s a Whole Foods about 30 minutes away. Maybe I’ll have to take a field trip.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 2:17 am

14 On May 9th, 2008, MSeeger

Actually, I like to think humans evolved as omnivores, like all great apes.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 9:00 am

15 On May 9th, 2008, attrice

I have a love/hate relationship with Whole Foods. I dislike what I see as fake progressiveness (union busters) and green washing (a lot of their organic canned goods purposely come from other countries where the standards for organic labeling are much much lower than ours) but omg do they just have awesome stuff!

I go about once a month to stock up on vegan stuff I can’t get locally and I always end up with at least three containers of stuff from their hot/cold bar. They make these fake chicken things that just…now I want one…so damn good.

As for vegangelicals (and vegetarian-gelicals), it frustrates me. I mean, I am vegan for ethical reasons and I’ll be honest and admit that I want society to move more towards that end of the spectrum, but who in the hell honestly thinks that being a judgemental prick will help? I think that people who act like that want to keep veg*ism from becoming too widespread because they like feeling special and/or superior.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 12:18 pm

16 On May 9th, 2008, Rachel

Yeah, I was kind of apprehensive when Whole Foods bought out Wild Oats because of some of the things I’ve heard about the chain. There’s some mudslinging on both sides and I’m not entirely sure who to believe about what. I go there to get products I can’t find at the local grocery stores here, like ketchup without HFCS and hot/cold bar items. And I do like that their lowered prices make these kinds of foods more widely available to people of different economic backgrounds and circumstances.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 12:33 pm

17 On May 9th, 2008, twincats

I’m another one of those omnivores who’s lucky enough to have non-judgmental vegetarian friends. I have a good time converting my favorite recipes to veg-friendly versions for when they visit. I triumph in my successes and shrug off the occasional failure.

I am also working to reduce the amount of meat products I buy and use in general, but it’s difficult with my dedicated carnivore hubby. *sigh*

I’m still not sure about what I’m going to do (food-wise) when my girlfriend who (sneakily and behind my back, knowing how I feel about WLS) went and got an RNY back in February comes to visit over Memorial Day…

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 1:46 pm

18 On May 9th, 2008, Alyce

Never liked bacon?

I’m an omnivore and found the Slate article chuckle-worthy. Of course, I do have a sense of humor…

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

19 On May 9th, 2008, Mickey

“*Not, really; it’s just a bad play on an “Apocalypse Now” quote. I never liked bacon, even when I did eat meat.”

*gigglesnort* I, on the other hand, still occasionally indulged in bacon even when I was trying to be mostly vegetarian. There was a great strip in the online comic Diesel Sweeties at the time which coined the term “baco-vegetarian”.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 3:47 pm

20 On May 9th, 2008, Alyce

darn html
i had a *faints dead away* line in there after the bacon question

21 On May 9th, 2008, Mickey

Not to mention their recruiting porn star Jenna Jameson for the “Plether Yourself” campaign against leather. Jeezus cripes.

Personally, even when I was vegetarian, I was never anti-leather. I figure, the cows are being slaughtered anyway, and I find waste of resources abhorrent. Killing an animal solely for their skin, well, that’s another matter.

posted on May 9th, 2008 at 3:55 pm

22 On May 10th, 2008, ricki

I’m kinda-sorta semi-veg (mainly because it’s easier - my schedule is crazy and it’s easier to make a big salad or open up a can of beans than it is to plan to cook chicken or something). I respect people who make specific choices for health, religious, ethical, or ecological reasons.

But yeah, I’ve dealt with my share of evangelistic vegetarians, evangelistic meat-eaters (”What? Are you one of THEM?” No, I just feel like ordering the tofu dish today, thanks).

I’ve also dealt with the anti-carb folks, the low-fat mafia, the “OMG I Can’t Believe You’re Eating That” types. All of them.

I resent every single last attitude that any of those groups display.

I hate food-nuttiness. Just leave me the heck alone and let me eat. If you’re a vegetarian, I’ll prepare veg food for you if you come to my house - I might even ‘go veg’ if we’re out at a restaurant together. If I know you’re Jewish or Muslim, I’ll avoid pork and shellfish. If you have allergies, I’ll take that into account.

But please, please, for the love of all that’s good, don’t launch into a tirade about saturated fat when you see a stick of butter in my fridge. You are welcome to eat your bread dry or put olive oil on it. (I often do). But you know? I like butter. It’s hard to bake without it.

And you’re not going to ‘catch’ my fat. (Seriously - sometimes I think some of the food tirades I hear are from people who are genuinely scared that hanging around with me is either going to make them lose their iron-willed resolve not to eat anything that isn’t approved by their diet guru, or that somehow fat will migrate off my body onto theirs.)

posted on May 10th, 2008 at 8:30 am

23 On May 22nd, 2008, HillaryGayle

This makes me giggle. I have no problem whatsoever with vegetarians. I was an accidental one when every single meat on the planet became the most disgusting thing in the universe due to pregnancy aversion. I could hardly believe how DEFENSIVE people got. When they heard “vegetarian” they assumed I must be doing it for my health during pregnancy, and would immediately start making up all sorts of excuses for their unhealthy lifestyles! Whoa there, fella; I’m just pregnant and it TASTES bad! ^o^

I, too, am in love with Whole Foods/Wild Oats. I have to drive an hour & a half to Memphis for it, but it’s so worth it. Fresh ground honey roasted peanut butter for the ultimate win.

posted on May 22nd, 2008 at 7:27 pm