Full circle: Making exercise ‘fun’ again

25th March 2008

Full circle: Making exercise ‘fun’ again

posted in Body Image, Diets, Eating Disorders, Fat Bias, Fitness/Exercise, Health/Nutrition, Personal |

Sanjay Gupta is presented by media outlets as the wonder doctor of all fields, the Doogie Howser neurosurgeon extraordinaire who can just as effortlessly deliver a baby as he can diagnose rare genetic diseases. Gupta is quite accomplished and boasts an impressive array of credentials and qualifications, but considering his career as the medical talking head of CNN, he probably doesn’t spend much time with patients or in practicing medicine.

So, it doesn’t strike me as odd that he’s at a loss as to why people don’t exercise. He addressed the issue recently in a column for Time magazine. It’s a good thing A. Chris Gagilan helped the good doctor out with some basic reporting, because I think the answer to Gupta’s question is right here:

Research by psychologist Roy Baumeister at Florida State University, for example, suggests that self-control is like a psychological muscle — one that can simply become exhausted.. If that routine involves a diet, things can get even more complicated, as the effort you make to resist having a Snickers in the afternoon depletes your resolve to work out in the evening. “The more you use the self-control muscle,” Herbert says, “the more tired it gets.”

In short: Physical activity should be something you want to do, not something you have to do.

In the early years of my childhood, both my older brother Jim and I were really active. We had an Atari, but it would be another decade or so before the rise of Nintendo. We got Mister Rogers and Rainbow Brite if we arranged the rabbit ears on our behemoth of a television set just right, but we didn’t have cable channels broadcasting cartoons 24/7. I did gymnastics, he played baseball and we both wandered the woods behind our house, braving creeks, trees and imaginary trolls. We played smash ’em derby with Jim’s matchbox cars and rode our bikes around the block. Physical activity was fun, a normal part of our day and interactions with each other.

I first noticed I was larger than all the other kids in the third-grade. I distinctly remember trying to sit with my legs raised off the seat, because I had noticed that when I let them rest, my thighs were wider than those of my best friend Annie. The weight-related taunts and harassment came not much later and continued until well into my early 20s.

As my body transformed, so too did my perceptions of physical activity – or exercise as I came to call it. I still rode my bike, but now it was to lose weight rather than for the fun of racing down the street, the wind whipping through my hair. In my junior year of high school, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the school tennis team, the only sport I like even today. She told me that I was “too fat” to play tennis and that I should lose weight before I even considered trying out. Middle and high school gym classes were pure torture, all calisthenics and competitions. One day I forgot my gym clothes and Frau Gym Teacher made me huff and puff my way through an extra lap in my jeans and Eastland’s as everyone in the class watched and snickered. I remained active in marching band throughout high school, but I never considered it “exercise” because it was something I enjoyed.

When I first began the diet-turned-eating-disorder, I hadn’t exercised regularly in years. Exercise, in my mind, was inexorably linked with dieting, something to be undertaken only as means to weight loss. My definition of exercise, too, was a myopic one. Exercise meant aerobics or Jazzercise or jogging or braving a gym full of ogling, muscle-bound guys dropping weights on the floor in a show of machismo - all activities I’d rather poke my eye out with a spork than participate in. At first I began walking under the cover of darkness, to avoid the comments, the stares and any threat of fat jokes. Then I bravely enrolled at a family-friendly gym.

I was surprised to find that I really enjoyed getting sweaty, moving my body, and of course, I was thrilled by the changes in my body. I began to see muscles emerge in my arms and I developed an actual waist. I expanded my exercise repertoire, adding hiking, gardening, rollerblading and biking to the mix. I danced like a hillbilly at a troll yokel in the privacy of my bedroom. Instead of sleeping in, I began to eagerly punch my alarm to get in an early morning walk or workout. I found that I was able to concentrate better on a book if I read while walking – it’s an ADD thing. I felt this profound sense of interconnectness with my body and mind, a holistic feeling of oneness and strength I had never felt before.

My rebirth didn’t last very long. My sense of empowerment dwindled as my eating disorder gained force. Exercise transformed from something new to be enjoyed, to a punitive pursuit to lose more and more and more weight. My workouts grew longer and more intense; at the height of my disorder, a typical day for me would be a two-hour grueling workout at the gym, three to five miles rollerblading at a local park, and always an evening 45-minute walk. I began to view food as calories to be burned, mentally calculating how many laps each food item required. I only let myself eat those days I worked out; if I did not exercise, I did not eat. If I broke a fast or ate too many calories (usually anything above 500 calories) I’d discipline myself with more grueling exercise. Once I punished myself for eating by going without food and water for one day; during my nightly run in the balmy August heat, I nearly passed out.

I was named member of the month at my gym, an honorary title I accepted only because I had lost my job and they offered me a free month’s membership. If I saw people outside running or doing any form of physical activity, I immediately thought I should be doing the same, regardless of how much I had already exercised that day. Excruciatingly painful leg cramps plagued my sleep, hot sauce poured through my veins. I had to reduce the resistance of weight machines as my body grew weaker, frailer. Some days I exercised until I thought I would pass out, catching myself on the arms of the stair climber to nowhere as the world swirled dizzyingly around me.

I’ve come an extraordinarily long way in my recovery from an eating disorder, but I still held a mental block in going to the gym. When you equate the gym as a torture house as I did for so long, it’s difficult to see it as a place of wellness or exercise as something to be enjoyed. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but I did mentally encourage myself this year to confront this negative perception and finally deal with it. My company offers an on-site gym for only $2 a week where I am usually the only one working out, so it was an ideal place to start.

When I first started back, I had to mentally drag myself to go. But once I got there and began moving my body again, I felt that familiar sense of refreshment return. Still I had to resist the urge to fall back into my familiar and grueling workout routine. I decided that I would do what I wanted to do for how long I wanted to do it and if I got tired, I would just stop. So far, it’s working well and I’m really enjoying feeling back in touch with my body again. I now exercise, on average, about 45 minutes a day doing varied activities I enjoy. And now that summer is fast approaching, I’ll probably spend even more time working in my garden (I already turned the front yard into a garden and am now working on transforming the entire back yard into one, too).

Why don’t more people exercise? Perhaps we ought to instead look at why people do exercise.

We’ve trained our collective brains to associate exercise with weight loss. Dieters – of whom 95 percent are destined to fail – quickly grow disillusioned with exercise as weight rebounds or if they fail to lose weight. We think exercise is only exercise if we go to the gym and if you don’t enjoy the gym or if you are hesitant to go because you are fat and might get laughed at, chances are, your membership instead turns into a donation. Not to mention, gym memberships are pricey and a luxury not everyone can afford.

Read any article promoting physical activity and obesity fearmongering is often listed as the number one motivator to exercise. And because we are taught and encouraged to see our bodies as flawed and something to be whittled, subdued and overpowered - with the help of commercial products, of course - we engage not in activities we enjoy, but in exercises that promise the most weight loss. Physical activity therefore becomes yet another way we chastise, belittle and punish ourselves for not achieving the unachievable.

With negative associations like this, why would people want to get moving? You can’t cure fatness with shame and you can’t encourage people to move by promoting exercise as an obligatory chore to be undertaken for fear of getting fat.

I promote Health at Every Size here on this site. The holistic wellness-based approach encourages intuitive eating and promotes physical activity not for weight loss, but for the sheer pleasure of moving and the myriad of health benefits it brings beyond weight loss. How about you? Do you have a mental block against or carry negative perceptions of physical activity? How do you manage them or how have you overcome them? What kinds of activities do you enjoy most?

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 25th, 2008 at 4:23 pm and is filed under Body Image, Diets, Eating Disorders, Fat Bias, Fitness/Exercise, Health/Nutrition, Personal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On March 25th, 2008, caseyatthebat

said:

I loved this:

“You can’t cure fatness with shame and you can’t encourage people to move by promoting exercise as an obligatory chore to be undertaken for fear of getting fat.”

I’m stealing it outright and printing it for my cork board at work (try to say that three times fast).

I’ve had a mental block against activity, for sure. I’d only ever used it for weight loss, and had a lot of negative associations as a result. I personally had to start off by addressing my food angst, and while doing that I decided that it was perfectly OK to hold down the couch every night for as long as I needed to. As my eating and self-image normalized, and as I became aware of HAES, and the fact that there were plenty of fat people out there moving it just for the sheer joy of moving it, I have begun to S-L-O-W-L-Y incorporate more and more movement into my life.

I’ve had to accept some limitations due to tendon issues in my foot, and instead of shaming myself, I am proud to say that I am actually working within my ability. I live in an apartment and have dogs, so I take several 10 minute walks a day with the dogs, just the perfect amount of activity before my foot begins to act up. I also just bought a bike, and could give a flip that my friends go on three-hour rides, because my happy ass is doing 10-minute intervals and having a ball.

I’ve noticed increased stamina and improved mood, and I’m generally pretty pain-free (when I listen to my body), and for that I am grateful and lucky.

Great post!

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 5:53 pm

2 On March 25th, 2008, maritzia

This is an absolutely fabulous article.

I used to associate exercise with weightloss. Exercise was doing situps and running and all those other awful things you do at a gym.

No one ever told me that going on a 45 minute walk was exercising. No one said that working in your garden for 1/2 hour a day is exercising. No one said house cleaning was exercise…oh, wait a minute, that ranks up there with the gym for torture in my book. Let’s skip housecleaning *laughs*.

These days I’m much more active. My husband and I have 3 dogs and every evening it isn’t raining, we’re out at the off-leash trail with the mutts walking. When I first started 6 years ago, I thought I would die. I could barely walk half a mile without wanting to keel over. These days, I do a couple of miles without too much of a problem. I’ve done as much as 4 miles, but that’s a bit extreme for me and only happens occasionally.

My doctor told me years ago to find something active that I enjoyed doing. Try different activities until something clicked. That clicked when I moved up to the Northwest. My husbands whole family are big walkers and they just swept me up in their enjoyment. Now I enjoy it as much as they do. Heck, I even have walking boots and a hiking stick!

Thanks again for the great post!

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 6:05 pm

3 On March 25th, 2008, Fat Girl

Excellent post. I agree completely and like the above commenter, I loved this:
“You can’t cure fatness with shame and you can’t encourage people to move by promoting exercise as an obligatory chore to be undertaken for fear of getting fat.”

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 6:08 pm

4 On March 25th, 2008, mrs.millur

http://www.dealsdirect.com.au/p/kids-fun-exercise-treadmill-2/

*weeps*

You’re so right about this.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 6:13 pm

5 On March 25th, 2008, carmelda

Mrs. Millur - That kid’s treadmill is scary. *shakes head in disappointment*

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 6:49 pm

6 On March 25th, 2008, Jon B

Great post. I agree with you completely. It shouldn’t be about fear of getting xyz: It should be because you like it and it’s healthy at the same time.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 7:29 pm

7 On March 25th, 2008, JeanC

I do have a mental block in regards to exercise, PE through out school put it there. I do have some activities I love, belly dancing, tai chi, aqua fitness, but ya know? After a full day of running around at work and then coming home to housework and what not, I’d much rather read then move. Then again, I’d rather read then clean house and I’d rather read then go to work (tho I’d rather be employed with a roof over my head and food in the fridge then be unemployed and homeless).

I do find that I am more active when the weather is nice and the sun is shining and I can get out and play in my garden and maybe spend a day geocaching and then there is days spent fishing and hiking and hunting. Of course I come from a long line of folk who spent most of the winter months tucked away inside conserving energy in order to stretch the food supply they put up the previous year, waiting for the arrival of spring so they could do it all over again. So my not wanting to do much in the winter time is not a surprise.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 8:05 pm

8 On March 25th, 2008, glt

My parents used to drag me to the gym during some period or other in my childhood. Machines were a chore, treadmills were a chore, and the only remotely fun part was swimming in the pool afterward. We did it for long enough that if it were going to get fun it would have done so already. I hate exercise and I will never do it “for the sheer pleasure of moving and the myriad of health benefits” because there is no pleasure involved, it just sucks. Why does everyone keep saying how fun it is? It’s like reading about how stabbing your eyes with rusty nails dipped in snake venom is really fun so long as you don’t do it for weight loss.

So I appreciate your point about how exercise for weight loss sucks, but removing the weight loss goals is not sufficient to make it “fun” if it was never fun in the first place. Just like intuitive eating is not going to make me eat licorice and okra all the time because I have always hated them. Am I a freak?

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 8:08 pm

9 On March 25th, 2008, Ducky

Bravo!

Your description of the joy of moving your body as a child made me weep. I miss that so much and I’m working so hard to feel that again so that I’ll WANT to go out and move.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 8:21 pm

10 On March 25th, 2008, Meowser

I really like swimming. But I don’t like lap swimming. It feels too repetitive. I love it when I can do “freestyle” swimming, going side to side, backwards and forwards, and wev, without having to worry that I’m “holding up the line.” And warm water, too, thank you.

I like dancing too, and I haven’t done nearly enough of it. I’ve been waiting for my partner to want to take a class with me, but maybe I shouldn’t wait, maybe I should just go if I want to go. He won’t mind.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 9:25 pm

11 On March 25th, 2008, Chartreuse

What a great article! I really resonate with that discovery of the joy of physical activity. I have lived most of my life too terrified to engage in anything physical. I couldn’t wear running shoes because the idea of Fat Me in running shoes seemed so embarrassingly comical. In the last year I finally began exercising, like you, starting with walking and building up gradually. I found that I love swimming and aquafit classes! I’m even learning to jog! It’s just so unbelievable to discover this whole part of life that is so wonderful and just never existed before in my world.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 9:27 pm

12 On March 25th, 2008, Kate Harding

Awesome post, Rachel. I just went to my second Pilates class and am so stoked about it–but it took me SO long to see exercise as something fun, not just a punishment for being fat.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 9:56 pm

13 On March 25th, 2008, SP

It’s just getting to the time of year where I can happily walk again (not too cold most days, not too rainy some days), and I am getting such joy out of walking for the fun of it instead of upping my mileage for the sake of burning off dessert. I’m thinking seriously about saving up for a used treadmill for the basement before next winter, so I can walk in the mornings even when it’s cold and windy and rainy…but I’m a little worried about it triggering the Moral Obligation to Exercise, which my subconscious could easily disguise as compelling myself to do it because “I like it.” I think I’ll be all right by then, but I’m going to have to keep an eye on that issue.

Pilates is easier; I can’t go hungry on Pilates days or I suck at it, so it keeps me healthy — and also it’s not something I ever did out of a sense of duty. I’ve only been doing it since last summer, which almost coincides with the time I started to cut myself a break on all matters weight-related, so it’s purely play for me. I went on a ten-day vacation and did my mat routine every two days like clockwork, just because it felt really good to start the day that way. Plus, as I noted at Shapely Prose, I get to finish my sessions at the studio by hanging upside down and swinging like a monkey, and there’s just no way to turn that into grim, compulsory exercise.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 10:06 pm

14 On March 25th, 2008, Nancy Lebovitz

It’s not just about “exercise” exactly. I’m going on the optimistic assumption that I’m not crazier than most people, just more observant– and I’ve found that it’s a effort of will to stretch gently and attentively rather than to yank on myself as a punishment for not being flexible enough.

And it took me a damned long time to figure out that if something hurts in T’ai Chi, I need to think about it and do it in some way that doesn’t hurt rather than assume that I should have enough will power to do more of what I was doing. Thank God I don’t have much will power in that sense.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 10:11 pm

15 On March 25th, 2008, Meg Thornton

My favourite method of getting up and moving my body for the joy of it is dancing. Now, I’ve done several dance classes, ranging from jazz ballet and tap (as a kid) through the standard ballroom and social dancing stuff as a teenager (all those school classes where the boys don’t want to hold hands with the girls) and a few years of bellydance as well, and in none of these have I been the epitome of grace and elegance. I have a good sense of rhythm, and I have a strong sense of where music is going, but my large muscle coordination has never been the greatest. I don’t look my best on an exhibition stage.

But none of that matters when I have a song on the stereo or the PC or the Zen which just wants to be danced to - I’ll start moving anyway. I enjoy the challenge of moving my body to the music, and figuring out where the music wants me to go, and whether I can go there, or if I can’t, where I can go instead.

Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to pull out some of my favourite “gotta dance” music.

posted on March 25th, 2008 at 11:32 pm

16 On March 26th, 2008, Chantal Madigan

Oh God, yes, thank you. When I was anorexic, my mom used to drag me to the gym in an attempt to get my appetite back up and running (because I also had a stomach problem that made me nauseous whenever I ate, and my appetite waned until i really only WANTED 700 calories a day, thankyouverymuch). It didn’t work. I resisted everything. It made me miserable.

I’m now one of those people who loveslovesloves physical exercise. And you know what really prompted me to start a running program, hit the gym, join a soccer team, and take yoga and pilates? It was the realization that my body wanted to be stronger. Not thinner, not more “toned”; stronger. That, and the fact that my therapist told me that I needed to have exercise every day- not because I needed to lose weight, but because she recommends the same measure for EVERY bipolar patient she sees.

And funny enough, exercise was what finally pulled me out of my body image problems (for the most part, you know, nobody’s perfect). Knowing what my body is capable of, and engaging in such body-worshiping practices as cardiovascular exercise, strength training, and stretching all are, really made me feel a sense of wonder at my body rather than a constant smoldering resentment.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 1:47 am

17 On March 26th, 2008, Zilly

Very interesting post. The same thing used to affect me in a slightly different manner: As a teenager, I didn’t want to exercise because I was afraid that people would think I was trying to lose weight. I didn’t want to be regarded as the stereotypical young girl on a diet. I would only exercise in secret where nobody could see me out of fear that everyone would automatically interprete what I was doing as a weight loss attempt.

The sad part is that a part of me whose existence I denied actually was trying to lose weight. I had complicated issues at the time.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 3:44 am

18 On March 26th, 2008, Bree

I have never exercised to lose weight, I did it because I wanted to and I wanted to be moving. While I’m a go to the gym and get on the machines gal, I enjoy getting my iPod and going for a walk, especially on the Promenade, a boardwalk at my local park. I also like put a CD on or a tape in and just dance in my room.

There’s an activity center 5 minutes away from me, and they have a workout room. It costs only $25 to join for a year, and the clientele is not the sterotypical buff body. It’s mostly for senior citizens. I’m going to join up and ride their exercise bikes and hopefully they have a stairstepper (I love those things).

But you’re right that “curing” fatness should not be done with shame and only trotting out exercise for weight loss. Unfortunately, the medical community refuses to get away from this mindset.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 8:47 am

19 On March 26th, 2008, Bree

Uh, that should be, I’m NOT a go to the gym gal. It’s too early yet.

20 On March 26th, 2008, Rachel

GLT: You’re not a freak, but I think your own experiences have turned exercise of any form into something negative for you, too. I think we have regimented exercise so much that we don’t stop to think that a leisurely walk through the garden is exercise, or shopping can be exercise. Are there any activities you enjoy that involves moving your body in some way? There’s lots of new and interesting classes out today, from yoga to Zumba to salsa dancing to martial arts. Maybe you should expand your options and try one to just see how it fits.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 10:20 am

21 On March 26th, 2008, pennylane

Great post–so many things I could relate to. In the midst of my eating disorder I learned to love running but then transformed it into punishment, as a means to burn calories and not something I did because I loved it. It almost ruined working out which was a shame because exercise really helps me with depression and then when I’m depressed, I’m less likely to exercise. Oh the vicious circle. Anyway, as I’ve gotten back into working out (and I do love running and lifting weights–yeah, I’m a weirdo) it’s a fine line between enjoying the activity and becoming obsessive. I just have to focus on the joy of cranking up the bad pop music on my iPod and going for a run. (My iPod playlist is my secret shame).

That said, I generally work out at home (I am fortunate enough to be able to afford a treadmill). I have never had more rude things yelled at me than when I am jogging/walking outside. Gee, I can’t figure out why people don’t work out.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 10:45 am

22 On March 26th, 2008, ladyjaye

I was a pretty active child and teen - running around, biking all over the place, playing street hockey with my friends, even having running contests to see who could run the fastest down our street… And in high school, I played volleyball and took ice hockey classes (not co-ed). And guess what? I was fat. Athletic but fat.

I’ve never associated sports or exercise to weight loss or anything like that. Last fall, I took my first aquagym class, and I just love it! It reminds me of the play And once I get another bicycle (mine died last fall), I will probably start biking to work on a near-daily basis like I did last year. I also often walk to the subway station (a good 20-minute walk from my home). Of course, in the winter, I don’t do as much since I’m not crazy about cold weather and icy sidewalks. One last activity that I will undertake sometimes this spring/summer is geocaching (basically treasure hunting with a GPS). My bf is really into that and it’s a good way to explore the city on foot.

I really couldn’t care less if exercising leads or not to weight loss. My philosophy is that my body will adjust as it pleases, and that’s all. In fact, if I lost weight too fast, it’d piss me off — I don’t wanna rebuild my wardrobe several times during the year!

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 11:53 am

23 On March 26th, 2008, Charlotte

I started hating exercise when I was 13. My mom made me start doing aerobics after I went to the doctor and he diagnosed me as obese. I hated gym class all throughout middle and high school, although I think some of it had to do with social awkwardness and the bullying and harassment I was experiencing at the time. I started to kind of like moving around and exercising again during my sophomore year of college. Once a week (usually Saturday mornings) I’d do a mile or two on one of the treadmills in our campus gym. I liked it a lot; it made me feel good physically and actually helped with my singing and playing (I play the flute). If my life wasn’t so crazy right now, I’d make time to do it again.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 1:58 pm

24 On March 26th, 2008, La di Da

I think there’s an element of women’s-work-is-devalued intertwined with the exercise moralisers’ proclamations. I’ve seen various “experts” claim that housework is not exercise and neither is running around after your kids, you have to have “proper” exercise at a gym or with a wannabe drill sergeant personal trainer in tow, or at the very least, designated sweaty time. Nearly all from well-off men, mostly white, the kind who’s probably never had to do any extensive housework in his life. Don’t know about other people who do their own housework, but I certainly break a sweat scrubbing the bathroom and kitchen, hauling trash up and down the stairs, vacuuming, etc. (I’m not unfit either, I do plenty of other exercise.) It definitely counts as physical activity. Enjoyment of it is another matter, heh. Gardening’s a bit girly too, so that’s also devalued, except when it’s horticulture or greenkeeping, then it’s manly.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 5:00 pm

25 On March 26th, 2008, Sherie Sanders

Interesting about will power being a limited resource. The social psych book I used to teach that class mentions a study where they put dieters in high temptation and low temptation situations. They dieters in high tempetation situations were more likely to give up on complicated math problems. I don’t have access to the book right now and I couldn’t access the article, it might be the same academic mentioned who did the study. I am going to write about that point on my own blog. I say the government knows this all too well. The more energy used for dieting, the less available for civil disobedience!

p.s. Gupta has sad some inane things about fat as well! He seem like a mouth piece for Pharma most of the time to me.

posted on March 26th, 2008 at 9:08 pm

26 On March 27th, 2008, lala

I used to ride every day, but that wasn’t exercise, it was fun. I’ve never enjoyed any other sports, and now that my knees have given up most of them are painful. I agree with GLT, I HATE exercise, and never get that “buzz” from doing it.. Still, I wish I was as fit as I used to be.

posted on March 27th, 2008 at 3:47 pm

27 On April 1st, 2008, Rachel2

Good article, Rachel! I stand in this “in-between” zone in exercise right now. I do it because I like the strength, tone, and health that I eventually get from doing it repeatedly. I hate doing the act itself sometimes because it’s monotonous and I’ve got asthma, so when that kicks in, it can be quite painful. When I run outside, I do it at around midnight or later, so that I can avoid people looking at me and seeing me exercise. When I ran track in high school, during one practice, there was a kid who took it upon himself to yell out “Yo quiero ciento hamburgesas!” (he was white and not a native speaker), and yelled out several other things to me about my weight during that practice. I wanted to stop and beat the living shit out of him. The good girl in me settled for flipping him off as I ran by. If I knew then what I know now, I would have gone after him and beat the living crap out of him. I wasn’t fat. I’m still not too fat. I’m kinda chunky, but I’ve all but lost hope that I’ll ever be below — pounds.

I’m tough, though. I can be one tough cookie when thrown in the face of adversity. When life hands me lemons, I’ve learned to make lemonade.

posted on April 1st, 2008 at 11:17 pm

28 On April 3rd, 2008, Emerald

Yup…I have that block, and I can pinpoint several places it came from. Two main ones. Appalling PE teachers (I think British schools send women to special camps where they’re trained to torture fat teen girls). And, ballet. Or, not the dancing itself - which I loved - but thin (and full of it) fellow pupils, their dreadful stage mothers, and a teacher who despite being plump herself, kept two of us out of the exams so the examiners didn’t have to look at fat pupils.

These days, I have ventured back into the one place I really feel safe exposing myself: the swimming pool. I’m also looking for a dance class, although I feel a little nervous given past experience. I wish dance classes here in the UK actually touted themselves as size-friendly. I used to Morris dance for a few years, before we moved too far away to get to practice sessions, and they were the most un-size-conscious bunch you could find! But, I want to do something different. I’d go right back into ballet if I could find a class that was really inclusive. (And involving proper pointe shoes, after a suitable length of time, if that’s possible for adults. I’d like it to be ballet, not some souped-down ‘ballet aerobics’ thing.)

posted on April 3rd, 2008 at 3:22 pm

29 On May 16th, 2008, Such a Pretty Weight-Loss Memoir » The-F-Word.org said:

[...] in lieu of a carrot in front of a sweaty Lancaster pounding away on the treadmill. Folks, I cannot stress this enough: Physical activity should be something you want to do, not something you have to do. And it should [...]

posted on May 16th, 2008 at 1:55 pm