Coming out of the fat closet

20th March 2008

Coming out of the fat closet

posted in Fat Acceptance |

Since I am not in the habit of routinely jetting off to New York City to tape a national television show - yes, I know, hard to believe - I found myself in the rather awkward position of explaining to my currently-dieting editor and largely fat family why The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet wanted me on its program.

“Well, you see, uhh, I blog about fat rights…” You should have seen the look on my editor’s face. Luckily, he’s an awesome, progressive-minded guy who, in the three years I’ve worked for him, is no longer surprised by my eccentricities and all-around hippiness. Not to mention, he’s a very snappy dresser (Brandon, take a hint) and the best supervisor I’ve ever had.

It was like I was “coming out” as a fat rights activist and it felt vaguely uncomfortable, in a way declaring oneself to be a civil rights activist or feminist or even a gay rights activist - at the annual conference of Republican National Party, no less - never would. It was much like I imagine declaring one’s commitment to felling the rainforests to the Sierra Club or coming out as PeTA member at a cattle ranchers convention would be like.

I began my blog just more than a year ago, and while I am pretty transparent online, only a handful of Real Life People I know knew of my blog, namely my husband and my sister (who says I use too big of words for her to, like, understand and stuff - she’s in college to become a teacher, so help future generations). Both my family and my husband’s family knew I was in graduate school, but they knew little of my research or what it is I believe in or promote. And as the only democratic-leaning independent in a family of staunch Republicans, politics of any kind are topics best left untouched at family gatherings, no matter how firmly I believe Rush Limbaugh to be the love child of Mildred Lewis Rutherford and Nathaniel Bedford Forrest.

So, I was rather surprised today, to meet a Real Life Person who recognized me not from my blog, but from Big Fat Blog, which is, unarguably the quintessential of fat rights blogs. K works for a community paper covering news in some of the communities I also cover. We see each other on stories from time to time, and are pretty friendly. She’s about my same age and very personable, not to mention, she has the natural red hair I pay my stylist dearly for.

Oh, yes. And she’s thin.

K told me she recognized me in the photo Paul posted from the last Think Tank, and also saw clips from the morning show. “Wait,” I said. “You visit Big Fat Blog?”

“Oh yeah,” she replied. “I think it’s a neat movement.”

We didn’t have time to discuss it much - lots of people to network with and I had to vamoose for another appointment - but I would have loved to ask K what drew her to BFB or the movement in general. I realize there are thin people active in the movement, but most activists I know are inspired to act from personal experiences with sizeist discrimination - in short, they’re fat. Perhaps K was once fat or maybe she has loved ones who are fat. K’s editor is the same woman who gave me my journalistic break about seven or eight years ago by allowing me to freelance as a writer and photographer for the same paper. She’s considered super morbidly obese, and she and I often had talks about the ways in which fat people were treated badly and the unrealistic and hurtful stereotypes about fat people and us in particular. Perhaps K is also friendly with her editor and it is her that led K to BFB.

Then again, maybe K sees the movement for what it really is: a civil rights issue.

Do you regularly identify yourself as a fat rights activist? Why or why not. Or have you also had a “coming out” as either a fat rights activist or eating disorders activist? How has the experience been? Share your experiences below.

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1 On March 20th, 2008, Colin

said:

I’m an anorexic female-to-male transsexual. I’m also feminist, anti-oppression in general, and pretty damn committed building a society where people’s bodies are not held up for ridicule or discrimination.

I think I’m too anorexic to call myself a fat ally–I have a lot of, y’know, brain-decolonizing to do. Not to mention I’m often not brave enough to stand up for fat folk when people are being hostile.

But I’m working on it. Hopefully someday I’ll be an ally.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 4:20 pm

2 On March 20th, 2008, Zilly

I don’t really consider myself an “activist” yet because I haven’t done anything special since I discovered the movement (which was not too long ago, and I think I’m commenting here for the first time ever), but the sad part is that most people wouldn’t even know what I was talking about if I decided to mention it. I’m from Germany and I’ve never met anyone in real life who doesn’t believe that fat is teh evil. It took me ages to find ONE German website about the topic and apparently there’s an association, too, but I’d never heard of anything like it before. I feel lost, and I wish I knew what I could do. Btw I am not fat, either …

3 On March 20th, 2008, janet

i read this blog and some other FA blogs but i’m not sure if i would consider myself an activist (same for feminist blogs, etc.) i read things, and i may (or may not) identify myself with these things, but i don’t really do anything proactive with the movement(s). call me lazy…

what drew me in to FA blogs as a (relatively, but never hollywood) skinny person was how positive and feminist it seemed… and yes, civil rights as well. i think it’s great to see a different side of things other than what the media machine pumps out at you. it is very inspiring, and as a thin person, i find it much more comforting than the ideals. also, i love the approach to holistic health as well. i think this is a much more grounded way of life.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 4:44 pm

4 On March 20th, 2008, Nina

I’m not a fat rights activist, but I do try to spread awareness of the crap fat people get to insensitive types. I was born and raised a fat kid, I was on the soccer team and swim team as a fat kid, and I was tormented as a fat kid.

As someone who’s in the “healthy” range of the BMI, most people don’t know why I still associate myself with the fat community or why I’d stick up for other fat people, but it’s because not only will I always feel fat, but I know what it was like to be mistreated because of how I looked. It sucked.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 4:51 pm

5 On March 20th, 2008, Des

I consider myself a budding fat rights activist but I haven’t really “come out” to a lot of people. The few that I have come out to thought it was silly because I wasn’t “fat enough” to be part of such a movement, civil rights and femenism aside. It’s quite frustrating actually. I’ve even had people inside the FA movement tell me they didn’t consider me fat enough to be an actual believer.

The irony is a couple of years ago I would have killed to hear someone say that I wasn’t “that fat”, now it just really pisses me off.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 6:21 pm

6 On March 20th, 2008, Karen

Meh, I don’t really identify myself as an activist of any kind, which is not to say I don’t care enough, just that I don’t protest, rally, or even put myself out much.

That said, pretty much from the moment I started reading this stuff a few months ago, many of the people who know me know that I’m looking at it. I have the kind of dad who doesn’t look at me and ask “why are you worried about it, you’re thin?” and a husband who only wonders why I’m spending hours and hours and hours a day looking at things that are literally not changin my life at all. Because I eat intuitively, I’ve never dieted, I’ve never freaked out about carbs/fat/white-stuff.

I wandered into FA completely indirectly, but it was really neat to find a community that actually advocated the way I live my life, rather than trying to figure out what I do to look acceptably thin. Where I can say “I’m just like this” and other people say “duh.”

Also, where I can say “I gained weight at my prenatal checkup!” and no one says, “it’s okay, you’re not fat, you’re pregnant. I’m sure it will all come off.”

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 6:42 pm

7 On March 20th, 2008, Miss Conduct

I forget what blog initially drew me to the movement–either yours or Shapely Prose. I became aware of the issue when I discovered the incredible levels of hatred against fat people through the advice column I write. As I’ve mentioned on SP, every time I advocated basic courtesy to the overweight, I got, literally, hate mail. (Except the last time I did it, because I said in my column that I wasn’t accepting any. Using very hater-shaming language to do so.)

I didn’t “come out” initially in my colum/blog as an FA supporter, because I wanted to maintain, for a while, the semblance of neutrality on the issue in order to hear what people thought. It was a strategic decision. I’m out of the closet now.

I don’t consider myself an activist because that word, to me, conjures up full-time devotion to a cause. Like, Martin Luther King/Gloria Steinem kind of stuff. But yeah, it’s a real passion with me these days, and I seek to use whatever platform I get to educate people about it. If anyone else wanted to honor me with the label of activist, I’d let ‘em.

Also am totally not there in my personal life yet. I am thin, but my body is changing with age, and I’m really struggling with that. Acceptance for thee but not for me. I know I’m not the only one on that–largely because of these blogs. It’s been more helpful than I can say.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 6:55 pm

8 On March 20th, 2008, Chrissy

I wouldn’t necessarily call myself an activist yet, but I’m about to become one. I found the movement in doing research for a film I’m about to do for my undergrad senior thesis. I decided to focus on women and weight, with a focus on the “Hell yes, I’m fat, and I’m BEAUTIFUL!” part of it. Little did I know there was an entire community writing about it.

I’m not sure if I have the guts yet to be an activist. I’m a peace activist, but for some reason I can’t imagine having shouting matches with people about fat acceptance, nor can I imagine walking in a fat acceptance march. But I’m getting there. I’ve been talking closely with my family, and a few friends about the movement. And soon it will be the focus of my thesis, as well as a upcoming poetry collection for a class. Altogether, I think I’m on the verge of being an activist. I’m just not active yet, or I’m active in a way I’m not used to.

At least I’ve found the extra support I need to go through with my film, and my life. I like my jiggly bits, and I’m happy they’re there! For the first time in my life, I feel fantastic in my own skin!

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 7:00 pm

9 On March 20th, 2008, Linnea

I’ve written some posts about FA on my blog, and I am a relatively slim person. I was drawn to it partially because I am also a very tall person, so my size has always been an issue, and I know what it’s like not to fit into the mold that society wants to shove us into, and I have no redress for that aside from drastic surgery.

I also know from personal experience how debilitating dieting is, because being within the “correct” BMI range has not prevented me wanting to be thinner. When I’m dieting all I can think about is food. When I’m dieting, I’m boring. When I’m dieting, I can contribute less creativity to the world.

So FA makes sense to me. I really really hate getting in arguments on what generally is a personal and fannish blog, and I haven’t enjoyed the arguments I’ve gotten in when I post about FA, but I am continuing to talk about it with friends.

Sometimes I feel guilty about it because I am in the “right” weight range, and feel like people might think, “Well, it’s okay for you to give up dieting, you don’t pay a price for it.”

But the pressure to be thin does terrible things to women in this world, and I view FA as feminist issue. My mom’s father wouldn’t speak to her when she got slightly plump as a teenager until she lost the weight again, and now she’s stuck in a constant cycle of gaining and losing 20 pounds. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want anyone to be like that.

I have many fat friends who report terrible treatment by their MDs. This really is a civil rights issue, and being on the side that promotes more acceptance, more freedom of choice, more freedom from abuse is where I want to be.

And coming from a scientific background, I hate how science has been corrupted to support the conclusions of the weight loss industry.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 7:02 pm

10 On March 20th, 2008, Bri

I joined Fatshionista at LJ, which led to The Rotund which led to Shapely Prose and all you other wonderful bloggers. Which then led me to start my own blog.

I identify myself as a fat activist on a regular basis. I have mentioned it on national radio. My husband mentions it to people all the time lol. When I mention my intended doctoral thesis (which is about fat) the whole blog and FA thing comes up.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 7:39 pm

11 On March 20th, 2008, AnnieMcPhee

Well, at home I never stop talking about it, so between my kids and husband it’s certainly no secret. I also regularly ask their friends if they are prejudiced against fat people in any way. At work I also make no secret of the fact that I am not interested in dieting, do not cheerlead other people to diet, will regularly argue if they make false claims about fat and all the bad things it supposedly does to you, and am still trying to figure out how I can talk this guy I see every day out of getting weight loss surgery. I have to do it soon because I think he’s having it done soon. I think the route I’ll take is that I think the procedure should be outlawed.

People learn pretty quickly not to bother telling me about how so&so should lose weight, or whatever else they plan on saying that they know will set me off lol.

I *do* of course applaud people when they become more active, take better charge of what they eat in order to treat their diabetes, and encourage the fat ones to love themselves. I sent a former co-worker both A Fat Rant and the PSA from your Body, but haven’t heard back yet. I hope they encouraged her - she’s in a pretty darn fat-accepting place, BUT outside the movement you don’t get a lot of encouragement to be pleased with yourself just the way you are - fat. And she really is. I hope it’s helping her.

I guess you could say I’m not in that closet. There are parts of my life I prefer to keep separate of course - we all need some privacy and none of us want to be judged, especially by people we like. I mean - I had to come out as a non-feminist libertarian if I was going to even blog at all, and in this movement that was not an easy thing to admit, you know? But it is what it is. And I’m not even a “good fattie” lol.

Congratulations on coming out - I think you’ll find people are so afraid to be insulting to your face that they will be quiet and listen more than you would think. It’ll have an impact - use it well

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 7:40 pm

12 On March 20th, 2008, Tangerina

I’m not thin but I’m not fat either… I guess I’m 10 pounds overweight by the BMIs, but no one would describe me as “y’know, Tangerina, the fat chick.”

I think the reason that this movement appeals to so many people of different sizes is that we all, by virtue of being alive mammals, have body fat… but we are told all day long that fat is bad bad bad bad and we are taught to hate fat so much that no matter how much fat you have or don’t have it is like the fat part of you is the bad part of you. Whether you have 5 pounds of bad or 200 pounds of bad it is so hard to escape the idea that this part of you is the evil bad naughty sin part. I see this same mindset in my friend that weighs 95 pounds and my friend that weighs 200 pounds. Sure one is more privileged by society, but on a personal level they are both taught to hate the portion of them that is fat. Once I got my head on straight and gave up dieting and gained back my weight I sat down and seriously thought “am I 15 pounds less good, interesting, attractive, smart or wonderful than I was before I stopped dieting?” The answer was definitely no. I wish everyone could realize this.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 7:58 pm

13 On March 20th, 2008, Charlotte

I don’t really consider myself an “activist” because I don’t feel like I’ve done anything to further the cause of fat acceptance (up until a couple of days ago when I emailed P&G). I do have fat acceptance listed as one of my interests on my Myspace and Facebook pages, and I have joined FA groups on Facebook. I did do a little blogging about when I first discovered FA, but I haven’t truly “come out” as pro-FA.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 8:20 pm

14 On March 20th, 2008, Eeva

I’m the dreaded size 0, a Big Fat Blog reader and passionate about anti-sizism. People have persecuted me all my life for being underweight and my best friend growing up thought she was gross for being fat, so I don’t even remember a time I wasn’t aware of this problem. Reading about the experience of being fat is important though as I want to be the best ally I can and want to take part in every protest against this perverse oppressive beauty standard that I can.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

15 On March 20th, 2008, tanglethis

I’m a K. I’m thin and blonde. And I’ve been talking to my friends about FA since I stumbled on Kate Harding’s blog about a year ago. Why? Because it’s logical, and I like logic.
Also, being thin gives you thin privilege for sure, but it definitely does not exempt you from ridiculous cultural pressures about food and weight and general attractiveness, so FA ought to be really resonant for… anyone ever, really. I was going to say “any women,” but many men that I care for also internalize fate hate and hurt themselves with it.

Because most of my friends like to think of themselves as open-minded, I’m pretty unashamed about calling them out for fat biases. But Ampersand at Alas A Blog just posted the other day about how he (also a thin person) felt very awkward “coming out” in favor of FA to his friends in real life… I think it’s common, and understandable, and happily not debilitating. : )

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 8:30 pm

16 On March 20th, 2008, Pani

I have been out of the closet forever! I find that if I don’t identify myself as happy with myself and a militant activist, I get overwhelmed with diet babble. I simply do not allow people to comment on my body or lifestyle! Not without making them pay for boundry violations anyway. Of course, I do tone it down when it comes to my paycheck. Survival is simply too hard. I also find that many people really are so uninformed about SA issues, sometimes they do see things differently with education. Plus, I have this silly little Gandhi quote I can’t seem to turn my back on “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” Gandhi

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 10:08 pm

17 On March 20th, 2008, Meghan Rose

I openly identify as an eating disorders/body image activist, especially in my classes/with my profs/around campus, because a lot of the research and work I do ends up being tied to whatever classes I’m taking at the time and the religious studies work I’m doing as well

I don’t specifically identify as a “fat activist” - I generally say body image instead, because I think a lot of the principles of fat activism can be applied to everyone and I’m particularly interested in looking at it through the lense of eating disordered activism, at least in what I do personally. I deal with a lot of the same issues, in terms of the pervasiveness of size discrimination and dieting culture, and really enjoy reading yours and other fat activism blogs.

Most people I know just accept it as another of my quirks.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 10:23 pm

18 On March 20th, 2008, Rachel

Wow, what a diverse group of folks!

I ought to have been more clear on how exactly I define activist and activism. Activist, to me, isn’t always the militant devotionalist marching on Washington. Choosing to forego dieting and not contributing financially to such companies, for example, is a form of activism. So too is just presenting oneself as confident and secure is another form of activism. And even commenting on a blog can be seen as a degree of activism - you’re contributing your comments and experiences to a worldwide audience where others can benefit and learn from them.

In this sense, I think most, if not all, of us are activists in our own unique way.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 11:16 pm

19 On March 20th, 2008, Becky

Like a few other people here, I don’t consider myself a fat activist because I don’t think I’ve done enough to earn the right to that label. As for “coming out”, my fiance is the only one who knows just how strongly I feel about fat rights, but I’m sure my family and friends have noticed that I’ve started calling out and condemning fat hatred and discrimination when I see it. I’ve also tried a little anti-diet/HAES talk with my mom, but whenever I try to suggest she stop dieting, she turns it back around on me and how much I should be dieting, so I’ve kind of given up on that. I’m not strong enough to deal with it at this point.

posted on March 20th, 2008 at 11:20 pm

20 On March 21st, 2008, Tari

I am almost obnoxiously “out,” as it were. I have preached to coworkers, family members, friends, and (fortunate?) strangers who held still long enough. I’m pretty open about my comfort level with my own fat, and I really try to show through my choices that anyone can love their body as-is, with no qualifiers, and that success and happiness and fun and all the other fabulous parts of life don’t have a particular body size as an admission fee.

It’s not on my business card yet…but I’ve been thinking…

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 12:42 am

21 On March 21st, 2008, AnnieMcPhee

I agree Rachel. Sometimes just *being* fat without making the slightest self-deprecating apology about it, carrying yourself as though you do NOT mind being fat, looking at people like they have lobsters crawling from their ears if they make a fat-hating comment - these are all activism. Even if you skip the last one.

In other words, just being fat at people is a form of activism all its own. And it’s a good one.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 12:57 am

22 On March 21st, 2008, AnnieMcPhee

To you thin women, I appreciate your presence - I too like the logic of it. My daughter has been adamant against fat hatred for a long time now, and she’s a size double zero (right now; we’re trying to get her back to a bit healthier weight) but at any rate has never been fat. My son, since learning so much from me, will be more of an activist now too, despite having a really gorgeous (sorry) buff, athletic build. Thin people who help advance FA are really cool, if you me.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 1:00 am

23 On March 21st, 2008, wellroundedtype2

I’m somewhat closeted, but in many ways not. Because I work in public health, sometimes I feel behind enemy lines and I get caught up in the institutionalized fat hating, too, from time to time. I also fluctuate between self-deprecation (the kind that points out the ridiculousness of the self-hating as much as it does anything else) and rebellious. I have a thin line to walk, and I’m not much of a thin-line-walker to begin with. Most of my friends and family understand that I’m in favor of people accepting their size, whatever it may be, so I don’t get into it all that much with them.

I agree with Annie that just being fat is a form of activism.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 1:22 am

24 On March 21st, 2008, Deborah M

I’m not sure I’d call myself an activist yet - yes, I’ve left a few comments on blogs in the past couple of months (since finding them), and I have told my sister, who is probably something like 80 or 90 pounds ‘overweight’ some of the principles of FA and HAES as a counter to her feeling pressured when my mum tells her how she’s managed to lose another pound on weightwatcher (my mum being maximum 10 pounds ‘overweight’).

I find myself in a slightly odd position, possibly, with regard to FA. I was overweight from the age of 14, was told I was overweight from the age of 10, and was 250 lbs by the time I was in my mid-twenties. Fat was the single biggest misery in my life because I felt the discrimination so keenly. I actually didn’t diet that many times for two reasons I think - 1, I found it so damn hard to do, I was starving constantly, and 2, I think that much as I wanted to look ‘prettier’ I also carried a lot of resentment towards the people who demanded I had to change to be acceptable. (Of course that said, it was the temporarily successful diet attempts that led to the rebound to 250lbs, when I’d only ever been around 185 before).

So of course, as a fat woman, who is extremely sensitive to the attitudes around her, FA makes a ton of sense. The irony in my finding FA now, rather than six years ago, is that six years ago I began to eat low-carb, and lost weight, and have kept it off. I’m now around 156 lbs, and have maintained that for over 3 years. So I know that many in the FA movement would call me a ‘dieter’ and would say that what I do runs counter to the principles of the movement. For me, however, being treated more ‘normally’ by the rest of the world, being able to buy the nice clothes, and get all the compliments about how I look, etc, didn’t make me intolerant of the old me, or those who haven’t found or don’t want ‘the answer’ it has made me all the more keenly aware of the injustice of how fat people are treated. I’ll always be an ally and a sister.

The other thing is that the more I read about the low-carb way of life the more I became focused on eating that way for health rather than for beauty. The other thing that was perhaps most important - for me - is that eating that way has completely ‘cured’ my issues with food - I used to think I was an emotional/compulsive eater, now I know I just had a major issue with insulin - I eat this way for the same reason a diabetic person would avoid sugar. So for me, this is HAES, and for me, that involves eating a certain way so that I stay sane around food, and can eat with real appetite as opposed to carb-induced cravings. With all that, and with the temptation to become an evangeliser when a ‘diet’ suddenly worked for me after so many years of feeling out of control, I also know that that doesn’t mean it’s the answer for everyone, and also - perhaps more importantly - that there doesn’t *have* to be an answer for everyone. I do like the principles of HAES but I also believe that the tyranny of demanding health from everyone is also something that is important to question, and so ‘bad fatties’ as people have defined them deserve respect too. Even if it would be healthier for someone to eat low-carb, so what? If they don’t want to, they don’t have to, and that doesn’t make them a bad person or any less deserving of politeness and respect or a life free of discrimination.

Something Kate wrote in a post about being in a relationship resonated with me too - I think it is much easier for me to be strong about FA now that I am married and happy than it would have been when I was single and worried about ever finding someone who would accept me as I am. Sad, but true.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 4:55 am

25 On March 21st, 2008, thew

As a thin guy, I found FA as a FA (Fat Admirer) and the online BBW community about 12 years ago and have gotten more and more openly activist ever since.

Now most all my friends and family know I prefer round women and I try to make fat an integral part of any creative endeavor.

I try to work FA into conversations when the opportunity arises. Most don’t mind, even if they don’t agree. Sometimes they just think my acceptance thing comes from my Buddhist practice instead of anything specific to fat. The people who stubbornly disagree write me off as either a hippy or a chubby chaser.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 7:29 am

26 On March 21st, 2008, Lillian

I’ve lost weight since finding this movement. Not truly surprising since I found this movement after I started to make changes in my diet and exercise routine. I consider the changes HAES because before I added exercise and removed the high-sugar, high-fat foods I was sleeping over 14 hours a day and had no energy to participate in life.

I see myself as a fat activist because I have a large spouse and I don’t feel he should lose weight, but I do think he should exercise more because of his diabetes. I think exercise should be for everyone regardless of weight. I feel so angry that many people see exercise as a vehicle to lose weight and not a vehicle to cure depression.

Weight loss is not enough to keep me exercising. However, feeling like I’m alive is. I can move now and the people in these blogs help keep me focused on living, not dieting. By the way, my weight is on the border of ‘normal/overweight’ BMI. I have seen myself as fat even at much lower weights than I am now.

One of my father’s lines to my mother was that she wasn’t thin because she was thinner than all her friends that just made her less fat. I’m reading Never Thin Enough at this moment about the MILC charts and how ‘nearly everyone in American is overweight.’ Funny, we have a better life expectancy year after year so this ‘fat’ isn’t killing us.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 7:37 am

27 On March 21st, 2008, Rachel

So I know that many in the FA movement would call me a ‘dieter’ and would say that what I do runs counter to the principles of the movement.

There may be some who say this, and it’s unfortunate. But they don’t speak for everyone in the movement. I am staunchly ant-dieting, of course. But I feel if you take steps to improve your health and lose weight in the process, it isn’t dieting nor should it conflict with fat rights activism. I used to weigh 300 pounds before my diet-turned-eating-disorder. Since recovering, I have dramatically changed my diet from those pre-eating-disorder days and now semi-regularly exercise, and as a result, have maintained a weight loss of more than 100 pounds for going on five years. And in the summer when I do boost my activity level after school lets out, I usually lose weight. Does this make me anti-FA? I don’t think so. And unlike some other FA activists, I do think our food choices do play a role to a degree in what we weigh - it is entirely possible to overeat oneself into a higher weight, just as it is entirely possible to starve oneself into a lower weight.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 9:14 am

28 On March 21st, 2008, Deborah M

Rachel - thanks for that, and I agree with you (although I think that our food choices make a difference in weight for *some* people, not all. My husband is a shade under 6′2″ and weighs 156 pounds - and it’s not from lack of feeding him! It’s just as difficult for him to put on weight as I think it is for some/most to lose weight.

I actually first heard of the FA movement on a low-carb forum, because there was a woman who was very much part of the FA movement who was feeling conflicted because she had health issues that were leading her to try and lose weight. I instinctively believed in it on principle then, when I was still actively trying to lose weight. I guess it’s also tough for me in terms of the ‘dieter’ label because while I’d heard of FA a while back, I only found the blogs and learned more about it a couple of months ago, after my weight loss efforts had ended (in success). And during those years when I began to eat low-carb, I can’t deny that I was in it primarily for the weight loss, and was thrilled to have finally found the ‘answer’ for me. And yes, for many reasons I’m happier at a lower weight, and healthier too. Of course according to the BMI i’m still overweight And even up to eight months or so ago, I still wanted to get to that mythical ‘goal weight’. Now, having found the man who loves me as I am, together with my deeper understanding of health/weight issues, and having found FA, I have no desire to get to that goal - my focus is maintaining the health I now have through my healthier eating.

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 10:52 am

29 On March 21st, 2008, beckduer

Deborah M, reading your posts this morning have really helped me.

I, too, found that I lost weight and felt Awesomely Better when I was on a low-carb style diet and exercised 4 or so times a week. I was thrilled with the weight loss and the compliments, but I was MORE thrilled with the lessening of my symptoms of PCOS, the regulation of my blood sugar, the lightening of my depression, the regularity of my sleep, the near disappearance of my asthma, lack of migraines…

All in all, it was good. Well, except having to get new clothes. That part I hated. I was comfortable in my old ones and refused to spend money on new pants until the old ones were so big they were being cinched up with belts or ties.

Now, visits with the doc have indicated that the 40 lbs that I lost and ended up regaining because I got lazy with my eating and stressed with my job, have caused higher numbers on my bloodwork. Numbers that can changed with diet and exercise, as much as I hate to admit it. And in this, I’m sure she’s right. And truthfully, I hate that I’m taking meds now for things that I CAN control with my eating and a little exercise.

So, come next week, it’s back to a lower-carb eating and spending at least 30 min exercising at least every other day.

We’ll see how that works out. (sigh)

posted on March 21st, 2008 at 11:46 am

30 On March 22nd, 2008, Kay

I’ve only been reading for a few months, but in that time I’ve had some good discussions with friends on the subject. I haven’t come out and said “I read Fat Acceptance blogs,” but I’ve tried to defend some of the ideas I’ve learned here.

It’s been interesting because my friends and I have done a lot of “fat-talk” bonding in the past. So I’m trying to affirm them AND myself at the same time, without saying “According to these really smart, articulate people you’ve never heard of…”

So I guess I haven’t officially come out yet, but I’m working on it. So far the response has been nice and civil.

posted on March 22nd, 2008 at 12:04 am

31 On March 22nd, 2008, SP

I came to the FA and other weight-related blogs in a pretty roundabout way and stayed in part because I had started to shamefacedly recognize my own unthinking fat prejudice (aimed at myself and others, in the classic mode of reacting most strongly to the aspects of other people that reflect what bothers us about ourselves). On an intellectual level, I knew it was mean and unfair, but the lizard-brain wasn’t getting in line. So, I’m embarrassed to say that, for a while, I was reading the blogs just to get my head on straight in order to stop being a jerk about people in my own mind. After a while, I came around to the point where it could occur to me that, whoa, maybe I could extend this attitude to myself and take a shot at not hating my own body (imagine!).

I started eating intuitively myself late last fall, and just in the last month or so, I’ve started tentatively mentioning to friends that I’m doing this thing where I’m kind of eating and exercising in ways intended to make me feel good instead of ways intended to make me thinner, and giving my body what it wants instead of what I permit it to have. Reactions have been pretty positive so far, and some of my friends have expressed some curiosity, so that’s my wee little bit of activism.

I’m still working on how to respond to my parents, whom I love with all my heart and who are responsible for every good and accepting and warm instinct I have… but who, I’m now noticing, really have a problem with fat people. (The baffling part? My parents are not thin people.) They have put up with plenty from me over the years, and they don’t need me lecturing them and wouldn’t respond very well to it. With my colleagues, I can be a little more tart (”What do you care what she weighs? She’s not hurting you.”), but…I don’t want to hurt my parents’ feelings, and something like that would hurt their feelings.

posted on March 22nd, 2008 at 6:23 pm

32 On March 22nd, 2008, SP

Good Lord, that’s long. Didn’t mean to drone on like that!

posted on March 22nd, 2008 at 6:24 pm

33 On March 22nd, 2008, denise

What an awesome thread. I came to FA while deciding if I was going to go on the South Beach diet again. I was visiting both Shapely Prose and a South Beach diet forum for a while, and ultimately decided that the FA folks were just way the hell more interesting and in line with my goals of self-acceptance and equal justice for all.

I’m not “fat” but I gained some weight taking anti-depressant medication. It was really hard for me to accept myself as a size 12, but I’m getting there. I bring up FA a lot in my psych classes and discussions with friends as integral to the broader issue of feminism and my belief that undue attention to body size in our consumer culture keeps us insecure, disempowered, and less likely to stand up to oppression of any kind. And I agree with Rachel - accepting and loving ourselves in itself is activism - frankly, it’s radical in a system/culture that needs us to feel like shit about ourselves so we’ll keep spending our money like good little patriots keeping the economy afloat so the rich keep getting richer.

posted on March 22nd, 2008 at 9:13 pm

34 On March 23rd, 2008, Mireille

I myself am not fat, but admire this movement and any that promotes self acceptance. My father is both gay and fat–he also one of the smartest, most accomplished people I know and he ran a marathon to boot! I have seen him struggle with himself, his body and how to world perceives him and not always with the most positive of outcomes. However, I admire him for have such a sense of self and self worth and instilling that in me.
I also see all body image issues as being feminist. It is my feminist values that makes me believe that we, as human beings, all have the rights not to have other people’s prejudice projected onto our bodies.
I stand by you and your right to live unharassed. I don’t know if that counts for anything, but I hope you keep it up!

posted on March 23rd, 2008 at 1:26 pm

35 On March 24th, 2008, visiting reader

i think that it’s important to remember that everyone defines “fat” differently. for example, i am a size 12 or 14, plus-sized by industry standards, “normal” sized by most standards, sometimes thin and sometimes fat by my own standards depending on my mood. perhaps a person who you are i might consider to be “thin” is interested in the FA movement because despite her apparent thinness she (or he, sorry) has issues with her body, and whether or not she would define as “fat” or not, she likes the idea of a community in which people try to accept their bodies, at any size, period. that’s why i read these kinds of blogs.

posted on March 24th, 2008 at 2:10 pm

36 On March 24th, 2008, Rachel

visitingreader: That’s a good point, and is why I define myself not as a fat acceptance activist, but as a body acceptance and fat rights activist (amongst other forms of activisms I support). For me, fat rights is political - fighting oppression uniquely experienced by fat people who are discriminated on the basis of fat alone. Body size acceptance is more personal to me, and is applicable to people of all sizes and shapes.

posted on March 24th, 2008 at 2:48 pm