Update on Polly Williams

17th February 2008

posted in Eating Disorders |

…nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight –
Got to kick at the darkness ’til it bleeds daylight
~Bruce Cockburn

Many of us have felt deeply disturbed by the recent death of Polly Williams, one of the four women with an eating disorder featured in Lauren Greenfield’s recent documentary, Thin.

There has been much speculation on how Polly died, with many people naturally attributing it as the result of her eating disorder. Now her family has spoken out in a news brief reprinted in the Indy Star.

Williams died from an overdose of sleeping pills, a suicide that was “a direct result of her internal battle with the eating disorder,” said her sister, Bebe W. Reed. “She said she could not fight the fight any longer.”

In the midst of my eating disorder, I was so fortunate to have the support and encouragement of an amazing professor who turned into a close confidant and friend. I remember her asking me why I wouldn’t use my almighty willpower to work towards recovery instead of hurting myself.

It’s easy to self-destruct, harder yet to self-construct.

Recovery isn’t just a matter of wanting it. There are often very real biological factors at play, many of which are often caused by or exacerbated by an eating disorder, that even the strongest of desires cannot overcome. For me, getting (and following) medication to treat the depression alleviated the suicidal thoughts. Increasing my daily caloric intake and working to stop the purging cycle not only helped to restore my physical health, it also helped to restore my mental health, allowing me to focus on the emotional issues surrounding my disorder.

I’ve been in the position Polly found herself in. I don’t want to judge her. But I want to emphasize that there is another option, a better option. An eating disorder does not have to be a life - or death - sentence.

If you are feeling suicidal please read Metanoia.org and call someone for help. There are a number of understanding and compassionate professionals you can talk to in your state here. Or call 1-800-SUICIDE(1-800-784-2433) or 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

1-800-273-TALK
Hope Line Network

800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
National Suicide Hotline
Trained volunteers and professional counselors there to listen

The Samaritans: Registered charity based in the UK and Republic of Ireland that provides confidential emotional support to any person who is suicidal or despairing.

1-800-969-NMHA (1-800-969-6642)
The National Mental Health Association Information Center will put you in touch with your local Mental Health Association, who will help you find community mental health services and self-help support groups.

Bulimia Hotline
24 hours crisis line
314-588-1683

National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) - Referrals to treatment and general information: 847-831-3438

National Eating Disorder Association’s online treatment referral.

Click to Bookmark

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 17th, 2008 at 11:52 pm and is filed under Eating Disorders. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On February 18th, 2008, debra

said:

My daughter also passed away from her eating disorder at the age of 27. She had struggled 10 years. My heart goes out to her family during this time of grief.

God Bless you …May Polly be out of pain forever.

posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:25 am

2 On February 18th, 2008, hotsauce

thank you, rachel, for writing this. i read about polly’s death on mamavision, and was deeply, deeply frustrated by some of the comments from young women there wishing that they could “disappear” like polly did. i wanted to scream and shake them but i know that’s not what they need. god, sometimes this stuff really makes my head go flying. anyway, very good post. i hope someone in need finds her way here.

posted on February 18th, 2008 at 10:51 am

3 On February 18th, 2008, Nemohee

I felt sad at the passing of Polly Williams. Though I didn’t know her personally, she graduated from the school I’m currently attending, which brings about in me a sense of connection that wasn’t there before. Add in the fact that I suffered (and continue to suffer) from anorexia, and, hell, she practically feels like family.

RIP, Polly.

posted on February 18th, 2008 at 6:34 pm

4 On February 18th, 2008, Kyla

thanks for letting us know and for providing resources for those who need them. I think we all feel a loss.

posted on February 18th, 2008 at 9:20 pm

5 On February 19th, 2008, Margaret

Thank you so much for passing this information along. I was so hurt to hear about Polly’s death. I’m recovering from Anorexia, and there was a point where Thin was extremely helpful to me and Polly’s struggle was very familiar. I’m heartbroken to hear that she felt so overwhelmed, especially because her final blog post is a happy and upbeat one, and it is just such a difficult thing to realize that she was still struggling with such pain.
Sorry to be babbling, I wish I could say something together and smart right now, but Polly’s death makes me 1)determined to fight my urges to relapse and 2)frightened that I won’t be able to fight those urges and I’m not sure what to make of the feelings I have right now.

I hope that Polly’s family finds peace and comfort, and that girls who are also anorexic do not spin this situation into some odd “thinspiration” model

posted on February 19th, 2008 at 12:12 am

6 On February 20th, 2008, Rachel

I felt her passing as well, I didn’t know her, only through THIN but like her death made me realize it could be any of us. I have an eating disorder too I have attempted sucide before too, it just is something to think about definately shocked me and made me realize that I need to work towards recovery.

posted on February 20th, 2008 at 5:11 pm

7 On February 21st, 2008, Jeanine Olsen

I also am very saddened by Polly’s passing. While watching Thin I saw so much of myself in Polly. She seemed so driven, outspoken, and direct as I believe I am. I thought that out of all the girls that were futured in Thin that she was going to be the one, the one who would plow through the monster inside and would be set free. I used her as a tool in my own recovery, the tool of strength. When she died I felt so sad/mad but was reminded of how this disorder can destroy everything in it’s path. I will continue in my recovery and use that as my strength. To those who suffer, keep on fighting and find your strength if not within Polly’s passing but within yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for the help that you will continue to need in your recovery. Life is so precious. To Polly’s family, I am deeply saddened by your loss. May she remain close to your heart.

posted on February 21st, 2008 at 10:54 am

8 On February 21st, 2008, Ali

Just wanted to say I felt such great sadness at the hearing of Polly passing away. As a fellow anorexic, I understand what an everyday battle it was she was going through. People should never underestimate the power of an eating disorder. It can take your life away while you’re still living it. Polly gave me and other ED friends of mine some encouragement and inspiration to fight on and challenge our ED and not let it win over us. Sadly, this hasn’t persisted in Pollys’ case but all my thoughts are with her family at this time.

posted on February 21st, 2008 at 7:35 pm

9 On February 23rd, 2008, Courtney

I have struggled with an eating disorder for 13 years and have been at Renfrew three times where Polly was during the airing of Thin and 10 other times in other facilities . As I watched the documentary I was haunted by the memories and familiarities of Polly and the others.
When I heard about her it not only made me sad but realize that it could be any of us. Life and weight is a daily struggle, but I hope that life beats the struggle everytime.
My thoughts are with her and her family and all of us who deal with it every minute of every day.

posted on February 23rd, 2008 at 1:12 am

10 On February 29th, 2008, Shelby

I knew Polly. We met in a treatment center. I wish I had talked to her more often since because I thought of her a lot. She had some other medical problems and I was praying for them to get better so we could go rock climbing. She seemed like she had such a strong fire, and she did. I am so very sorry. I can’t say what she was feeling, but I just want to say that I miss her. It’s hard to reach out to people who are struggling, you want to wait until they are well and you can have fun together. That was a mistake.

posted on February 29th, 2008 at 8:02 pm

11 On March 8th, 2008, anna

i saw thin. and I have the corresponding book that I have read many times. It’s very sad that Polly has passed away. But, it can serve as a reminder that mental illness is a very real and deadly disease.

posted on March 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm

12 On March 17th, 2008, Jennifer Cakebread

Polly was a junior high, high school, and college friend of mine. I can speak for me and many of her “old” friends when we say we were shocked when we heard about Polly. In all the years we were close, I never knew her to have any kind of problem until after college when we had moved to separate parts of the country and began to go our different ways. When I accidentally saw her on THIN, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Polly was like me, talkative, outgoing, fun to be with and strong willed. To see her struggling with something she said she had dealt with for many years, honestly made me speechless for one of the few times in my life. Even now, I have no words to describe my sadness, anger (for not knowing or being able to help), frustration that the Polly I knew would never have done this, and the worry of other friends that I have with the same issues ending up the same way. Polly truly was a great friend, always encouraging and inspirational. I hope that her mother, father, sisters and the rest of the clan-she had a wonderfully large, loving family-are ok. I will never truly understand Polly’s pain, but as a friend, I must accept that she is gone. I hope all other girls take this to heart and know that if Polly can lose her life to this, anyone is succeptible. I will miss Polly and our fun times in high school and college. The drives to VA Tech are beautiful.. She is truly missed.

posted on March 17th, 2008 at 8:27 pm

13 On March 24th, 2008, Morgan

I had heard something about her on tv(when she died) then my friend told me that she had actually died. I only saw a quick picture of her on TV and I didn’t hear everything they had said. It’s truely a shame she died. But atleast she’s somewhere where she doesn’t have to feel the pain anymore. She will be remembered forever.

posted on March 24th, 2008 at 7:13 pm

14 On July 31st, 2008, Scotland

My heart goes out to the loved-ones of Polly. I accidentally stumbled upon the film while channel-hopping and became very fond of Polly (and the other featured women) so it saddens me that she is no longer with us. It’s difficult to comprehend that someone so intelligent, articulate and caring could become the victim of such illnesses and, consequently, lose her life.

If only she could have remained at Renfrew longer without having to leave for insurance reasons…

posted on July 31st, 2008 at 12:52 pm

15 On October 27th, 2008, Bryan