Nothing says “I love you” like “Get your fat ass to the gym, honey.”

4th February 2008

Nothing says “I love you” like “Get your fat ass to the gym, honey.”

posted in Fitness/Exercise, Health/Nutrition, Pop Culture |

As if unwrapping a digital scale instead of say, an iPod for Christmas isn’t disappointing and blatantly offensive enough, now Forbes magazine suggests spouses (and significant others) give their partners the gift of a “longer, healthier life” this Valentine’s Day.

Candy Heart - Lose Weight And, of course, as readers here are well aware - *cue eye rolling* - good health is entirely synonymous with weight-loss.

What’s next? Weight-loss surgery for your birthday? Sheesh…

According to the Forbes article:

For years research has shown that married people, aside from weight problems, tend to be healthier than those who are divorced, widowed, never married or cohabitating…

Hmmm.. didn’t a recent study just show that married adults, particularly men, weigh more and have higher rates of obesity than do single adults? Yes, I do believe the study also claimed that people who have never been married are the least likely to be obese.

So, the fact that a 2006 paper tracking mortality over an eight-year period found that people who never married - you know, the folks least likely to be obese - were 58 percent likelier to die during that time than married folks is totally a coincidence.

The article continues with more sage medical advice:

Want your spouse to lose weight? Try focusing on your own waistline, the study suggests. And other recent research has shown that being a good role model can help make your spouse healthier, too.

Tracy Falba, a visiting professor at Duke University, co-authored a 2007 study published in the journal Health Services Research that demonstrated when one spouse quits smoking or drinking, or gets a cholesterol screening or a flu shot, the other is more likely to do the same. It also works for exercise.

So if you’ve been looking for that extra motivation to hit the gym, think about what your healthy behavior could do for your spouse.

Promoting fitness is great and good, as studies show exercise to have a myriad of health benefits, which may or may not include weight-loss. But I have to question the whole “exercise is contagious!” optimism. In our household, my visits to the gym usually elicit only a hug and kiss goodbye from my reed-thin husband who prefers to vegetate on the couch. I usually have to guilt him to go out walking with me nor does he use our indoor treadmill. And rollerblading? That takes a lot more finessing. Brandon looks like a giraffe on wheels on his blades.

Here’s the problem I see with the article: It asks readers to “think about what your healthy behavior could do for your spouse.” But by the article’s very own admission, improved health isn’t exactly at the forefront of readers’ minds; rather, the article asks, “Want your spouse to lose weight?”

So, which is it? Weight-loss or wellness?

The “extra motivation,” it appears, isn’t a health concern for either oneself or one’s spouse, but rather motivation to encourage spousal weight-loss, inspired more so by aesthetics than out from health-related concerns.

The article suffers under the delusion that improved health is directly correlated to weight-loss, when numerous studies show it’s fitness, not fatness, that’s key (Go on, google it). But by myopically focusing on the numbers on our digital scales to measure our health, we ignore larger and more pressing health-related issues.

If improved health is the real intention here, why didn’t the advice begin with “Want your spouse to become healthier?” Because there are plenty of things you can do to improve the health of your family without fixating on weight-loss - like say, resolving to eat a healthier diet and improving your fitness (without the expectation that weight-loss will naturally follow), or reducing the amount of stress in your lives.

While we have the right to expect our partners to remain healthy, we do not have the right to expect them to become or remain thin. Making people feel worse about their bodies, talking about weight, worrying too much about diet and focusing on it not only encourages unhealthy relationships with food and weight, it also counter-productively encourages weight gain.

It’s somewhat ironic that Forbes‘ sage weight-loss advice comes on the heels of the tip to provide positive spousal support. Because nothing says “I love you” quite like “Get your fat ass to the gym, honey.”

Here’s a better idea for Valentine’s Day: Tell and show your spouse how much you love and value them - just as they are.

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 4th, 2008 at 10:41 pm and is filed under Fitness/Exercise, Health/Nutrition, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On February 4th, 2008, red_delicious

said:

“Get your fat ass to the gym, honey.”
LOL!!! That whole Forbes article is just riddled with inconsistancies and foolishness.

posted on February 4th, 2008 at 11:14 pm

2 On February 5th, 2008, Silvia

Here in Brazil if u dont have a ‘perfect’ body ure nothing. I am a ‘nothing person’ and Im happy with this.

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 3:25 am

3 On February 5th, 2008, Cynthia

Last Valentine’s Day, hubby and I bought each other heart rate monitors. I know I want to both lose weight and be healthier, and as hubby has diabetes, I’m feeding him healthy too and in fact, his bloodwork and health HAS improved. We’ve both enjoyed having the extra feedback that the heart rate monitor gives.

But I think he mostly goes to the gym just because he thinks he “should”. Yet, he seems to enjoy water aerobics with me when he can come. Which is funny, as I practically had to drag him there the first time, LOL!

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 3:51 am

4 On February 5th, 2008, littlem

“The “extra motivation,” it appears, isn’t a health concern for either oneself or one’s spouse, but rather motivation to encourage spousal weight-loss, inspired more so by aesthetics than out from health-related concerns.”

Such an original perspective, with assholitude of Gaussian proportions.

I have nothing further.

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 4:37 am

5 On February 5th, 2008, Mickey

Or, jeez, buy them a box of chocolates. You only live once.

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 5:35 am

6 On February 5th, 2008, BigLiberty

Well put, Rachel. This is yet another double-edged-sword-article: it damages its readers by shilling the false idea that health is magically tied to numbers on the scale, lower being automatically better (I don’t see any mention in helping your spouse become healthier if he/she has issues related to being underweight, for instance).

For instance, I’m much healthier than my fiancee, who weighs a good 80 lbs less than I do (he’s also shorter — I’m 6′0″, he’s 5′9″ ). His idea of a good time is watching a movie, planted to the couch. I don’t think he’s ever set out to “exercise” in his life (if that exercise isn’t included in his everyday life, like through work, etc). But he’s got acid-reflux syndrome, stress-related anxiety, and higher-than-normal blood pressure. I’ve got orthostatic hypotension - means chronic *low* blood pressure - and aside from making sure I salt my food, I’m as healthy as a horse (which my doctors always proclaim with a bit of amazement). Besides, my condition is genetic, and not life-style based.

Sometimes I urge my fiancee to go on walks with me, or for us to drive to the beach and take a stroll there, because I enjoy it, NOT because I’m trying to impose my exercise habits on him.

Oh, just as a side-note — his teen kids from another marriage, who I absolutely adore, are just as ’slothful’ as he is — you couldn’t pry them from the internet if you called in a S. W. A. T. team, and they routinely raid our snacks whenever they’re over. And they’re all thin.

I think, if you wanted to give your spouse a present that would *truly* lead to a healthier lifestyle, set a good example of someone who loves him/herself, pays attention to their food cues, and is a balanced individual.

Then get them an iPod.

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 10:39 am

7 On February 5th, 2008, Sarahbear

I work out for thirty minutes three times a week and I bellydance for two hours on Sunday. You know what my honey does? Maybe goes to the fitness room at our apartment complex and uses the exercise bike for an hour once or twice a week. I don’t know if that’s directly reflexive of the fact that I work out. But I’m just glad he works out at all, since he’s had surgery on both his knees. That exercise bike is bound to be helping him build the muscle around his knees. He’s a big guy: 6′4″ and around 290 lbs. He needs strong knees!

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm

8 On February 5th, 2008, KC

I just discovered your web site and it is so awesome. For years I struggled with physicians so obsessed with my weight and their hesitancy to treat me in the same manner as their not obese patients. So once again I changed doctors and had to go through all those screening tests, blood work…I thought this clinic which promotes a team of health care practitioners within one location would be more capable of eliminating biases. After the initial consultation and being told all the evils of obesity, I got my next appointment to review the results. Upon the next appointment my smug doctor open my file and his mouth dropped. He didn’t have his amunition. My blood cholesterol is pristine, blood pressure is low and I’m not even close to becoming diabetic. He wouldn’t give me the numbers so on the way out I had to talk to the nurse practitioner. She was jealous of my reults and said she wished her blood work was that good.

No mention was made to asses my eating and exercise habits…hmm interesting. I guess certain assumptions were made. If they took the time they would find thak I exercise on a daily basis and make healthy food choices. I am fit but fat but most importantly I honour and love my body, even if society doesn’t.

It’s ashame that even Valentine’s Day is somehow now being used once again as an assult on people who are not of a certain size. Where is the love?

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 2:24 pm

9 On February 5th, 2008, janet

that’s a silly claim from the article (re: married people tend to be healthier than divorced, cohabiting, etc) I always heard that once a woman gets married they’re more likely to gain weight.

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 2:40 pm

10 On February 5th, 2008, Fat Girl

Well put. This sort of thing drives me nuts because it’s so close to being a “you’re unhappy that your spouse gained some weight? Get them ‘healthy’ like this!”

posted on February 5th, 2008 at 9:07 pm

11 On February 9th, 2008, HeatherRadish

“While we have the right to expect our partners to remain healthy”

Can you reword this? We have the right to expect our partners to take care of themselves as they are able, but there’s no right to expect them not to develop cancerous tumors, to remain free of Alzheimers Disease, etc.

Although now that I write this, I totally expect to learn of a trend of baby boomers divorcing spouses who develop Alzheimers, either because they’re too selfish to deal with it (mentally, financially), or because they feel the afflicted spouse is somehow letting them down.

posted on February 9th, 2008 at 11:12 am