Thanks, M & J Show!

30th January 2008

posted in Arts and Music, Personal, Pop Culture |

It’s been quite the whirlwind week. Last night I slept for 13 hours, which means I am all the more behind in my graduate work now. But the experience of raising the debate to a national forefront was entirely worth it.

I would encourage everyone to send a note to the Morning Show with Mike and Juliet thanking them for producing this segment and allowing Mo and I to present our perspectives. I was so impressed with the professionalism of the show producer and staff, including the super-nice field producer and camera crew who came to my home. Everyone at the morning show, from the make-up artist Seven to host Mike Jerrick, who we met briefly before the show, was polite and courteous to us. Thank you M & J show once again for broaching this controversial subject on national television.

I also want to thank Dr. Jennifer Ashton for taking time out of her busy full-time OB-GYN practice to appear on the show. Dr. Ashton told Mo and I backstage that she had a surgery scheduled for 11 a.m. that day - she’s quite the busy, accomplished woman. I know some of the readers here didn’t agree with some things she had to say, but Mo and I really developed a rapport with her before and after the show. I found her to be immensely personable and she made some great contributions to the show - note, she was the one, not us, who brought up the idea of genetics. I even asked Dr. Ashton for her email address so we can keep in contact and maybe even consult her for questions that may appear on this site.

Monique was every bit as awesome in person as she is on her blog. I was so immensely relieved to know she was my co-blogger I would be appearing with. She’s smart, articulate, and her messages of self-empowerment and positive body image are so, so important. And her husband Ian was ultra-cool - Brandon and I loved hanging out with you two.

And finally, I would like to thank Meme Roth for appearing on the show. I know many of us here don’t agree with Ms. Roth’s strident tone and message, but as I said in the green room discussion, I think she and I have a lot of common goals: We both support the removal of junk food from schools; we both support greater subsidies in the farm bill for fruits and vegetables; and we promote better health and wellness for Americans.

But while we share similar goals, we take vastly different approaches and Ms. Roth’s approach, while it may not be intended, serves to promote the shaming and humiliation of fat people - this is why her message is not more popularly received. Ms. Roth insists that we must remove our self-worth from weight, but what she doesn’t quite understand is that telling people they aren’t beautiful, comparing fat people to alcoholics, providing questionable numbers and statistics that say fat people are unproductive workers and contribute to matters of national security, urging people to ditch their fat friends, and overall, demonizing and stigmatizing fat people makes the debate very personal. I don’t hate Ms. Roth and I don’t encourage anyone else to, either. But I do pity the forces that have led her to go down this very harmful and self-destructive path.

So, while I agree with some of the activism Ms. Roth is doing, I cannot agree with nor condone such negative and harmful messages like this. I urge Ms. Roth to rethink her approach so that more people will focus on and be receptive to the great activism she is doing.

And I want to thank you, dear readers, for supporting us and encouraging us to do our best. When the show first called to invite me on, my first inclination was to decline. I told the show rep that I would call her back and immediately dialed my mother, who said “Are you crazy? Of course, you’ll say yes. You know this stuff like the back of your hand.” It really did mean so much to me to know that I had a global audience supporting us.

It struck me when I was ushered on stage and I saw some of the video clip they produced of me: I went from being a fat kid who really did think her self-worth was measured by the scale to a fat young woman who developed a very serious eating disorder in attempts to lose weight to a self-confident woman who is now encouraging others to develop healthy relationships with food, weight and body image. I couldn’t believe just how far it is that I have come. For this, I have to thank Sue, whose support and encouragement means more to me than she will ever realize.

And most importantly, I want to thank my husband for his incredible, enduring support and encouragement. The last day I ever deliberately starved myself ended the day we met. If I have come to love myself, it is because my husband has taught me how to do so.

The most important thing I took from this whole M & J Show experience is this: I know exactly who I am and what I stand for, and I see the kind of person I don’t want to ever become like. My one hope is that others will have this same kind of metamorphosis in their own lives.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 30th, 2008 at 11:07 am and is filed under Arts and Music, Personal, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On January 30th, 2008, Sister Sassy

said:

AND I WANT TO THANK YOU! THANKS!! You rock and you did a wonderful job. I only found you this week but it was a good week to find you.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 11:11 am

2 On January 30th, 2008, rebelleink

*delurks*

You are a class act. 100% You amazed me with your poise and grace on national TV, and completely impressed me with your attitude toward those on stage with you who stood in opposition of your goals. I stand speechless and near tears for the message you convey and the attitude with which you do so.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 11:44 am

3 On January 30th, 2008, Fat Girl

You rock so hard.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

4 On January 30th, 2008, yellowhammer

I was extremely impressed with your and Mo’s ability to keep your cool and say sane, rational things and keep the discussion from turning into an argument.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 12:10 pm

5 On January 30th, 2008, yummalicious

“I know exactly who I am and what I stand for, and I see the kind of person I don’t want to ever become like. My one hope is that others will have this same kind of metamorphosis in their own lives.”

That was so clear. I am your new fan.

I was watching the show with my boyfriend, and we were both appalled by Mike when he said “People look at you and think–you’re unhealthy” (or something like that)–we both totally thought he was going to say that people think you look great and *healthy* when they see you, regardless of weight. Even over youtube/the TV, you radiated a deep internal beauty (I whispered excited to my boyfriend–we’re both vegan–”She’s vegetarian and a feminist!”). I am still confused by what he said, and I bet most people were expecting him to finish that sentence differently!

I agree with your comments on Meme. And I think most anyone watching would agree with what you say–let’s promote a healthy environment, and we can do this without shaming people! I love the respectful way you speak of her, it is a great model for me.

I’m so glad you did the show.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 12:30 pm

6 On January 30th, 2008, Sarahbear

I just don’t think I can say enough how proud I am to have competent, articulate ladies like you and Mo representing our cause.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 12:44 pm

7 On January 30th, 2008, yellowhammer

I find it very interesting that Meme Roth claims that she doesn’t believe that anyone should be cruel to overweight or obese people, yet on the NAAO website blog, there are many things I find to be cruel and offensive– for example, the blog entry called America’s Big Ass problem, where the writer (who is not Roth herself, admittedly) uses images of overweight people in a way that to me, is objectifying, belittling and cruel.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 1:24 pm

8 On January 30th, 2008, javamama

Stay classy, R & Mo. Stay classy.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 1:33 pm

9 On January 30th, 2008, Mochi Hada

Not to mention–how can it not be taken as a personal judgment when she insists that Jordin Sparks shouldn’t have won American Idol? And how could she not see the negative cultural impact this kind of statement could have, if taken seriously?

Anyway, I loved your appearance(s) on the show, and this lovely post is the icing on the cake. It made me feel better about myself, and gave me something to strive for in making myself an even more confident, capable person. Thanks so much!

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 1:59 pm

10 On January 30th, 2008, JeanC

If you look up “class act” in the dictionary, your picture will be right next to it. You are far more gracious then I ever could be, I am afraid I’d go all Crone over Meme’s butt if I was even in the same city as she is.

As I’ve said before, you guys rocked!

11 On January 30th, 2008, Vanessa

(stands up and applauds)

You both did such an amazing job. Congratulations on being able to demonstrate, on television, what achieving that kind of metamorphosis can look like.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 2:41 pm

12 On January 30th, 2008, Deniselle

Rachel, you are all kinds of awesome and an inspiration to us all. Your classy, calm behavior both on the show and in this blog put our opponents to shame.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 2:45 pm

13 On January 30th, 2008, BigLiberty

Rachel, I only hope to aspire to your high level of confidence and articulation.

If I ever have a daughter, I want her to have a role model like you, and like Monique. What you did on the show, and what you’ve written here today, is deeply touching, and I’m sure hits each of us in a very personal way. I didn’t see you on the stage that morning, I saw myself, and my own struggles, and my own confidence.

Cheers, and thank you.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 2:51 pm

14 On January 30th, 2008, zmama75

New to your blog - I agree with the above, you are a class act!

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 3:21 pm

15 On January 30th, 2008, mo pie

Here’s a direct link to the M&J show e-mail:

http://www.mandjshow.com/contact.html

I think writing to them is a great idea–maybe they will be encouraged to give the “fatosphere” a platform in the future!

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 4:10 pm

16 On January 30th, 2008, Fat Chick

Wow, that was an awesome post. I admire you, Rachel. You really are A-OK in my book!

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 4:30 pm

17 On January 30th, 2008, AnnieeMcPhee

Very nice acknowledgements; you two did a wonderful job.

As to Mememememe, whether or not she has some correct goals (for the wrong reasons of course) she is dangerous. If you go around claiming a white bagel or a cupcake, or merely *being* overweight and having children, is “child abuse,” them’s fighting words. Fighting to the death words. It’s bad enough the spurious and ludicrous reasons children are removed from good parents, to their eternal detriment. This will just open up yet another whole new world of government intervention into poor families, and unconventional families, etc. Feeling sorry for her is fine, but I won’t be losing sight of what she is and what she’s doing.

As to the same goals…well not everyone has those same goals I guess. So even on that score Meme and I part company.

This is the problem with meeting people; you have to be “nicer” to them and about them even when they’re lunatics.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 6:45 pm

18 On January 30th, 2008, AnnieeMcPhee

I just saw that you want a better adjective (than insane, I suppose.) “Misinformed” isn’t even close to what I mean. If I’m switching adjectives I’d have to switch to evil. I know you don’t agree.

Oh well; it’s been nice and you guys did a great job. Have a good blog

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 6:53 pm

19 On January 30th, 2008, withoutscene

I really haven’t had time or presence of mind to do so, but I want to thank you and Mo for being incredible representatives. As I’ve said elsewhere, I really think this was a landmark for us on teh teevee. Despite some of the crap, the story was focused on you, Mo, and body acceptance. I was honestly amazed at how composed and articulate both of you were…I would have been red-faced and flustered…and probably would have come off like a total bitch instead of a super-smart fattie. All that has happened this past week has been amazing. Young fat activists ARE making an impact…on the internetz and in people’s lives.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 8:12 pm

20 On January 30th, 2008, red_delicious

Rachel and Mo go! I love how you took time to thank everyone so kindly, even if you disagreed with them. You truly are stellar people, you and Mo.
Also, I would like to add this article from newsweek I read earlier her the link: http://www.newsweek.com/id/105585
The article is called ‘Rise of the Real People’ and it’s really good!

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 8:45 pm

21 On January 30th, 2008, Cat

First off, let me say that I do not consider you (after seeing you on the M&J show via YouTube) a “fat woman.” Perhaps according to insurance tables and idiot doctors you might be considered fat, but in NO WAY do you show yourself as physically fat.

I have to agree with both of you on this. My story is similar to a lot of large women. I’m 39, and have been fat all my life. Thankfully, I had a father that taught me to be an independent and self-confident woman. But especially here in the Midwest (which I am struggling to leave), they don’t want “fat chicks” to be strong, self-confident and smart. I struggled for years as a secretary, trying to keep jobs that were killing me. I literally ended up getting high blood pressure (and developing diabetes) because of the secretarial job - not because of my weight.

Lets be real here - I bear some responsibility for the blood pressure and diabetes. I allowed myself to eat poorly (although maintaining my top weight without gaining) because of the depression from the job destroying my self-image.

I was laid off in November of 2004, and have never looked back. I went back to school to get a BS degree in Multimedia Design, and am nearing the end of that process. But I’m still finding that no one wants a woman who is 5′9″ and weighs 350. I exercise, I take care of myself. (although, occasionally, I still forget to eat - which is my worst sin) I wear my clothes well, I interview well. I walk into a room with a smile on my face and a confident air about myself. I am told by friends and enemies alike that I am a strong and well respected individual. But I can’t seem to get a job.

I do freelancing, but if anyone out there has done freelance design, you know how difficult it is to keep a decent living - even with my husband working. I struggle with the desire for security and a regular income, which is why I keep struggling to find a “regular” job.

These people who claim that fat people are treated just like anyone else are fooling themselves. Let them come here and follow me through one month of struggle — and I can prove to them we are not.

posted on January 30th, 2008 at 9:37 pm

22 On January 31st, 2008, Jen

I would like to say again that you and Monique were pretty awesome on the show. It’s admirable that you’re gracious to the others on the show that disagreed with you, but really I just can’t get beyond disliking MeMe Roth. When she was introduced on the show, literally my stomach turned. Not because I thought she was ugly, excessively skinny, whatever, but because I knew she was going to say some messed up things about fat people, and she didn’t fail to disappoint. I didn’t catch most about what the hosts or the doctor said that a lot of people found offensive (like grilling you about your health) probably because I am pretty new to the fat acceptance movement, and have not faced first-hand a lot of the discrimination that people in the fat acceptance blogs write about. But really, it’s not hard to spot the prejudice against fat people that MeMe Roth has. Saying that a person should ditch their fat friends is incriminating enough, but then also justifying that statement by saying that fat friends will likely invite you to have a Starbucks frappuccino with whip cream on top while fit friends will invite you to do yoga with them should just be a red flag (it after all uses two stereotypes: that fat people’s only enjoyment comes from anything with high calorie and sugar amounts, and fit people’s only enjoyment comes from exercising).
However, the biggest problem that I have has to do with what I was taught about the difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance isn’t so bad, it’s just the lack of knowledge about something, and is easily corrected by learning, empathizing, and critical thinking. Probably Mike and Julie are ignorant. Stupidity, on the other hand, is the lack of knowledge, plus the unwillingness to learn. In the case of MeMe, she doesn’t seem to want to learn about what fat acceptance advocates actually say. To illustrate, you and Monique conceded that you have the some of the same goals with Roth, such as the fruit and vegetable subsidies issue, but do you think that MeMe would ever admit to such a thing? On a public medium no less? If she has admitted to as much, then I’m wrong about that, but then there is what she said about fat acceptance blogs.
She said that fat acceptance blogs are bad because they “glorify obesity” and children might be encouraged to I guess let themselves get fat. Like I said, I’m new to the fat acceptance movement; I’ve only started reading fat acceptance blogs in the past month, and I know that’s a gross misrepresentation of what fat acceptance blogs say (well, maybe some of them do, but certainly not the ones that I’ve read).
Next, Roth (and also the doctor somewhat) seemed to completely ignore what you and Monique about the possibility of being fat and healthy. It seems incredible that even after you and Monique talked about your exercising and eating habits and present health status, MeMe and the doctor didn’t take a step back and question their assumption that fat equals unhealthy, but instead kept right on with fat is unhealthy message (Why I think the doctor didn’t question her assumption? Mostly about what she said how fat people have to think about what their health will be like 10, 20, or 30 years from now). Did their brains process that you and Monique are doing all the things recommended for leading a healthy life, but still assume that you and Monique might be unhealthy, at least in the future, just because you supposedly carry too much adipose? I don’t know, but the fact that they kept going about how obesity is unhealthy indicates some cognitive dissonance on their part. Or you know, unwillingness to learn about fat acceptance and fat people in general.
Unfortunately, MeMe has too much air time for my taste. While some of the publicity she gets is bad for her, such as the case with Jon Stewart and the American Idol fiasco, it’s still pretty bad. Stupid people are probably going to be stupid with or without MeMe (not that we shouldn’t try to convince them in any case). What I worry about is the influence MeMe would have on an ignorant person. So, yeah sorry about the long post.

posted on January 31st, 2008 at 1:38 am

23 On January 31st, 2008, Mickey

You’re way more gracious to Me!Me! than I would be under the circumstances. While I will grant that 3 out of 4 of the stated goals of her “organization” are laudible, I think she pours way too much of her personal fatphobia into her activism, and it taints the result. I’m totally up for Deconstructing MeMe; just drop me a line and we can work on getting started!

posted on January 31st, 2008 at 6:44 am

24 On February 1st, 2008, Maura

I just watched all three videos (2 segements and green room extra) and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for your beautiful, articulate, kind, and accurate words about fat and fitness.

I am fat and I am not fit. But I have been fitter while fat than I was when I was starving myself. The hatred, the shaming, the cruelty…none of those have ever made a person more healthy. Sometimes they lead women to starve or abuse themselves until they are then, but that doesn’t equal health.

I’m 36 and have hated my body for all my adult life. When I was a size 12, I thought I was horribly fat (and indeed would surely be classified as ‘obese’ by MeMe Roth). I was beautiful and perfectly healthy, but the cruelty of my peers led to depression and self-loathing, which led me to neglect and punish my body. Which of course led to weight gain, and there they cycle continued apace.

I often wonder now that I have found kindness, acceptance, and a model for positive self-care, health, and fitness in the Health at Every Size movement, what my life might be like now if the blogosphere existed when I was a teenager. I have no doubt I’d be healthier now.

You are doing a great thing. Thank you.

posted on February 1st, 2008 at 2:01 am

25 On February 1st, 2008, Misty

Just like everyone else has said I think you guys did a great job. I’m almost certain that if I had been in the same situation I would have been so frustrated that I would have cried or just stammered and then called Meme a “stupidhead”. LOL

I wish that these kinds of things could be handled in a way that allowed everyone to be prepared for what was going to be thrown at them. I would have loved for it to be brought up about the fact that each sex/race/age group has its own inherent “risk factors” but that doesn’t mean that every man-woman/black-white-hispanic-asian/teenager/middle age/senior is destined to contract fill-in-the-blank. You can be female and get breast cancer at no “fault” of your own (fault being in quotes since so many of Meme’s constituents would have everyone believe that any amount of extra weight is the fault of the person carrying it)… or you can be female and NOT get breast cancer and have done nothing to prevent it. Fill in the blanks any way you want and you have the same situation.

I loathe the way people like her talk about groups of other people as if her OPINION is fact for every single person in that group. Yes, there are overweight people who have diabetes who have no genetic markers for it… but they are not the majority otherwise we’d be hearing about the diabetes epidemic in this country. Not to mention the fact that while fat carries a stigma of immorality merely being diabetic doesn’t. If contracting diabetes because you’re fat is “evil” then having it without being fat should be “evil” as well, as long as we’re not being hypocritical because… (big breath for the run on) if the only thing that makes fat bad is disease (as opposed to haters being nimrods) then that means the disease is bad, not the fat. In absence of disease the fat is neutral. Therefore, a fat person with no disease has no reason to give two shits about where they fall on someone elses imaginary graph of acceptable and not-acceptable.

Damn… now I’m gotten myself in a tizzy.

Anyway… you guys rock my socks! Great job! Carry on!

P.S. I’m not calling anyone who has diabetes regardless of whether or not they are fat “evil”… merely pointing out the hypocrisy and “fat-hating” in the whole fat=unhealthy attitude.

posted on February 1st, 2008 at 6:58 pm

26 On February 1st, 2008, Misty

Sorry to comment again so quickly but I just have to say… I had no idea what Jordin Sparks looked like (as if it matters) or who she was other than the fact that when Tattoo shows up on my satellite radio her name is attached to it. I just looked at pictures and all I can say is, OMG!
If this is what Meme Roth considers unhealthy then, firstly, I feel so sad for her because I can only imagine what kind of negative view she has of her own body and secondly, I’m scared for my daughter if ANY of Meme Roth’s opinions make it to her ears or brain because it is completely unacceptable for her to look at a perfectly (seemingly - I haven’t seen her medical records) healthy girl and tell the entire world that she’s fat and unhealthy and needs to lose weight.
If Jordin Sparks glowing complexion, big happy smile, and beautifully soft, feminine shape is unhealthy… wow! That’s some seriously out of kilter views that Ms. Roth is carrying around with her. I’d wager that Ms. Roth would have found Tracey Gold to be the epitome of health as she struggled with her eating disorder. It’s a shame that people like Ms. Roth seem to have such a vast and devastating influence… and that she has so many people who back her up. Just… sad.

posted on February 1st, 2008 at 7:22 pm

27 On February 2nd, 2008, Mindy

Hi Rachel. Thanks for visiting my blog. I noticed that when you mentioned being healthier now than when you were thin, they kind of passed that by because it didn’t fit in with their preconception. It’s a shame, because that is true for many people.

When I was 18 I was at the top of my BMI level, and it was the only time I was in the “accepted” level in my life, about 140 (actually, I think that’s still 5 pounds over). I was on a swim team, swimming two hours, six days a week. I would come home and usually not eat dinner because I was exhausted, would just do my homework and go to bed. I think I ate a breakfast bar in the morning and ate lunch out of the vending machines because there wasn’t enough time to stand in line and actually eat lunch. I had also experienced two mouth surgeries about a month apart. Sure, I had a flat stomach. I was also extremely pale (even for me), looked exhausted and gaunt.

Looking back, I’m amazed that my times were as good as they were at competitions and that I was able to go to practices. The funny (actually sad) part is that for 17 years, that weight was my goal weight when I dieted. How screwed up is that? My goal was to get down to a weight that actually made me look and feel like crap. Of course, I’d lose a few pounds only to gain more back. Now I’m listening to my body, eating when I’m hungry and not on someone else’s timetable or by someone else’s rules. I’m the expert on my body, not someone somewhere who creates some diet. I feel better about myself than I have in years, and I LOOK better because I feel better. I now buy clothes that fit me, not that will fit me if I lose 5 or 10 pounds or are so big they hide me.

Sorry so long, but I had to get that out. I’ve really changed my attitude about myself in the past year, and I think you and the rest of the so-called “fatosphere” for helping me do so.

posted on February 2nd, 2008 at 9:40 pm

28 On February 4th, 2008, Thankingyou

I am 180lbs. I have a 33 inch waist, 38 inch hips, and 38 inch bust. I have shoulders like a defensive lineman.
By the BMI I am obese. Really?! I jog, do weight bearing exercise, and was told my a trainer I build muscle faster than any woman he’s seen. I have flawless blood pressure, amazing cholesterol, and great blood sugar. My grandmother is built like me. She is 90 years old, lives alone, exercises three times a week, and hung her OWN lights on a LADDER this year for the holidays.
Even at my most bulimic (surprise! eating disordered) I never got below 128.

Thank you for going on air and saying what I’ve been feeling for a while. One size fits all health sucks.
Some of us are bigger and that is OK. Thin does not equate goodness, health, or beauty.

posted on February 4th, 2008 at 11:02 pm

29 On February 28th, 2008, Lillian

Rachel, when you told of your story of losing weight to the ‘normal’ range that could have been me. When I was a teen, under my mother’s lead, I joined a weight loss group. They set a goal weight for me at 112. I’m 5′ 2″.

Anyway, I was running over an hour a day, obsessed with food, and lost my period and anemic while maintain a weight higher than their goal for me (114-118). I eventually let my weight return to a heavier, but healthier weight. It’s not worth being sick to keep one’s weight at a ’someone else’s ideal”. Thanks for your story. I felt like I was the only one that had that experience.

posted on February 28th, 2008 at 2:59 pm