A note to my husband

11th December 2007

posted in Body Image, Health/Nutrition, Pop Culture |

Dear honey,*

For Christmas this year, I do not want health cooking cookbooks nor do I want a consultation with a nutritional therapist, wherein I am weighed, measured, and otherwise poked and prodded to determine my daily caloric intake and diet plan most conducive for weight loss.

Okay, so the spa package might be nice, but I must also ask that you do not purchase me exercise bands or hand weights, nor do I want an hour with a personal trainer.

If you truly want to give me (and you) the “gift of health” you’d be best off getting me things I really want - like a video camera and an alpaca - and avoid those things that cause me to obsess even more about my body and weight.

With love,

Your wife

*See this article, “Healthy gifts can ease stress, improve health” to understand above.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007 at 12:42 pm and is filed under Body Image, Health/Nutrition, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

1 On December 11th, 2007, Baconsmom

said:

I saw an ad last night for a gym touting their “Get one for you!” sale. Buy a gift membership for your loved one, and get one for yourself at the same great price!

All I could think was, How rude. How incredibly awful to put this idea into people’s heads: that not only is it a good thing to stick your nose into someone else’s care of their bodies, but to get them a “gift” with the almost explicit message that they’re not good enough - not toned, or fit, or slim enough - for their “health”.

And I thanked my particular Deity that my husband would never get me something so heinous.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:18 pm

2 On December 11th, 2007, KarenElhyam

Gosh, now I want to put alpaca on my Christmas list, but I suppose that’ll have to wait until a year where I’m not saving up for a trip to England. ^^

And, while I wouldn’t mind a healthy eating cookbook, mainly because I am obsessed with all cookbooks of all kinds, if I received “exercise gear” or something of the kind…well… Yeah, the relationship would be totally over. He or she might as well have slapped me in the face or spit on me for all the good it would do them.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:27 pm

3 On December 11th, 2007, Christina

Before I saw the link to the article, I thought, “Oh no, this is something she had to tell her husband?” Eep.

It reminds me of when I told my (totally well-meaning, you-are-perfect-as-you-are) boyfriend not to ask me how my time at the gym went, because while he was thinking, “Boxing, what a fun thing to do! I wish I ever exercised!” I was thinking, “God, I didn’t make it today because I have depression and being around all those people makes me nervous. Is he keeping tabs on me?” Which would never have entered his mind, and I knew that.

But still, it’s an incredibly sensitive area for most people, so that kind of gift would be a terrible idea unless your loved one said, “Pilates/yoga/capoeira/tae bo sounds fun, get me a DVD for it.”

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:51 pm

4 On December 11th, 2007, JeanC

I am SOOOOO glad my hubby wouldn’t pull this kind of BS. He gets me prezzies I really want, Kitchen Aid Stand mixer, chocolate, old books, jewelry, a WWII issue M1 Garand, etc.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:52 pm

5 On December 11th, 2007, Fillyjonk

An ALPACA?

We actually got hand weights from both sets of parents last year, but we ASKED for them. Totally different. (Er, perhaps we only should have asked one side of the family or the other, though.) I can’t imagine what trauma it would be to get a nutrition consultation or a gym membership out of the blue, if you hadn’t expressed your desire for same.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:58 pm

6 On December 11th, 2007, B

3 Reasons why I’m not getting you (or the cats) an alpaca

1. Our 5 cats (yes 5) are already insane, I can’t imagine what an alpaca would do to them, or their already taxed litter box.

2. 4 of our 5 cats torment and chase the 5th cat Bella, I think being chased by a giant alpaca may be the final straw for her already feeble mental state.

3. It would never fit through the basement kitty door.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 1:59 pm

7 On December 11th, 2007, Meowser

An alpaca? You mean a live one? You must have some pretty good acreage.

I do think there are women who would request such gifts from their significant others. I mean, how could there not be, when the pressure to create the illusion of perfect health and femininity is so relentless? But I’m with you — if you’ve got enough money to buy me crap like that, there’s a kazillion things I’d rather you did with it. Even lingerie would be better.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 2:04 pm

8 On December 11th, 2007, Marste

If I explicitly ASKED for a specific “healthy” cookbook, exercise equipment, nutrition consulting, etc., that would be one thing. But if I asked for a sweater and got one of those other gifts . . . it would be a bad, bad scene.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 2:36 pm

9 On December 11th, 2007, Tari

Okay, this:

It is one thing to weigh yourself at home on a bathroom scale, but to do it in front of a registered dietitian might give added incentive to someone’s desire to shed some pounds.

….from the article, makes me want to beat someone up.

I mean, sure, every year my family gives me the gift of guilt (”you don’t come home often enough!”), but the gift of shame? No thanks.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 2:45 pm

10 On December 11th, 2007, Meowser

And again, we get the “fat people are fat because they haven’t been sufficiently shamed enough about their fat” routine. Tell that to all the fat people I know who were put on diets from the time they were old enough to hold a damn fork and only managed to get fatter and fatter. GAHHH.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 2:57 pm

11 On December 11th, 2007, JoGeek

oooo…I want an alpaca! I think the city might find issue with it, though. That article is so chipper-condescending it makes my teeth ache. Really, they think “Merry Christmas Fatass” is part of a loving relationship? The best present I ever got from a boyfriend was a multifunction prybar. That was a man who knew how to avoid cliche’s and REALLY listen to what I wanted. We’re still good friends, and I still wish we were more compatible as a couple. I dedicated my freshly demolished bathroom to his near-perfect non-acceptance of social pressure

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 3:03 pm

12 On December 11th, 2007, OTM

I have a friend who wants an alpaca like nobodies business. She has an alpaca obsession that makes my otter enthusiasm look like indifference. The last time I saw her, we spent a considerable amount of time look at alpaca videos on a friend’s iPhone.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 3:13 pm

13 On December 11th, 2007, OTM

SIGH

“nobody’s”

14 On December 11th, 2007, vesta44

I like families who ask what you want for Christmas and actually listen (and then proceed to get it for you). DH and I know what we got from each other (he was with me when I bought his air compressor/nailer, and I was with him when he bought me Shrek III and Hairspray). I know sorta kinda maybe what all the kids are getting us because they asked what we wanted and we told them (and they actually listen and go accordingly).

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 3:14 pm

15 On December 11th, 2007, Rachel

Okay, so the alpaca is stretching things a bit. I don’t go so far as to watch alpaca videos, but I keep telling the hubby that our next house will have a chunk of land and I want to get two alpacas, a few horses, maybe a couple of goats and some chickens. Oh, and a golden retriever, too. I have no idea how we will pay for any of this nor how we will feed these animals but a girl can dream, can’t she?

Ohio is actually called “Little Peru” because it dominates the nation in alpaca farms. I’ve written several stories on local alpaca farms for the newspaper I write for, and one farm even sent me a hideously ugly alpaca fleece purse as a thank you gift.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 4:50 pm

16 On December 11th, 2007, buttercup

I want an alpaca too. There’s not a whole lot that is cuter than a baby alpaca, and the fiber can fetch some nice money if you take good care of the animals. If you’re a spinner, owning alpacas would be like heaven. Unless they spit on you.

Echoing others who said “my husband/so/family knows better”. that article was infuriating.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 5:11 pm

17 On December 11th, 2007, Rachel

3 Reasons why I’m not getting you (or the cats) an alpaca

Hey honey - we do live in Kentucky. I’m pretty sure barnyard animals are allowed in residential neighborhoods here.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 5:31 pm

18 On December 11th, 2007, Cindy

I wouldn’t mind a gift of a crapload of sessions with a yoga teacher. I love the idea of private yoga lessons.

I also wouldn’t mind an eliptical trainer.

But I wouldn’t get these things without requesting them. My GF tends to buy me stuff she’d like to play with or use.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 6:29 pm

19 On December 11th, 2007, Cindy

Should that have been “elliptical” trainer?

20 On December 11th, 2007, Jamie

And, this is when I want to murder those people who want you to lose weight, ya know, “for your own good.”

“Here honey, I got you a healthy cookbook, a year’s time with Weight Watchers, and your very own exercise ball! But, really, I love you just the way you are!”

Excuse me while I gag. (Who paid that journalist? Gold’s Gym and registered dietitians ’round the nation?!)

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 9:33 pm

21 On December 11th, 2007, Fatadelic

Way before I had successfully converted my beloved to the joys of fat acceptance and fat politics, he bought me Geneen Roth’s book Feeding the Hungry Heart and some training sessions with a personal trainer for my birthday. His puzzlement at having to duck for cover was amusing as thought he was doing something ’sweet’ for me, LOL. I set him straight.

posted on December 11th, 2007 at 9:47 pm

22 On December 28th, 2007, Rachel2

My weight loss is nobody’s business but mine. When I gained the weight in the first place, there were a few well-meaning words that hit my face like a ton of bricks. Not too many, but enough to send me spiralling in shame.

When I lost the weight, nobody uttered a word. Looking back, I found that to be very jarring. I’d spent a great deal of time and energy in this weight-loss and getting healthy thing, and nobody’s really said anything. I’ve literally spend whole days/weeks/months absorbed in the thought process of calories, weight, etc. And when I do lose 40 lbs and I’ve kept it off, nobody’s really said anything? I’m confused. Even right now in this moment, I’m confused. It’s like it’s a dirty little secret that I’m not privy to.

That being said, I’m still trying to lose a little bit of weight for my own personal improvement. We went to the store before Xmas and bought each other’s gifts, as we picked them out for each other. I picked a belt and a pedometer. The goal is 10,000 steps per day, and a study exists that shows people who use pedometers are more likely to keep better track of their physical activity (i.e.: make a conscious effort to take 10,000 steps in one day) than those who do not. It makes sense, and it’s something to try.

Eh, I’ve also got my own wedding in about six months, so that last 10-15 off would be *really* helpful.

That also being said, he got a scale for Xmas about four or five years ago. Talk about a slap in the face! Singlehandedly, I think that that is one of the most offensive gifts an individual can give another. That was also the time when my weight was at its highest, and I’ve struggled to lose it since then. So, it could have been more for the both of us, and I found that offensive then and I still find it downright offensive. “Here’s a scale! Guess what! You’re fat!” However, as much as I hate to admit, the scale has been a blessing, as I’ve been able to trim myself down because of it and take myself out of the obesity category. Daily tracking of my weight has been incredibly helpful for me in this venture. The “gift” had it’s “desired effect” only on me because I would have gotten a scale at some point or another anyway. It has not had its intended affect on him because he does not buy into it. He found the gift really fucking offensive. He knows that he needs to lose weight. He knows hwat to do to get there. Don’t rub salt on the damn wound.

posted on December 28th, 2007 at 12:30 pm

23 On May 15th, 2008, LaMamita