That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself”
Clement Moore, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”
The jolly old elf is now being told to shape up.
According to ThisisLondon.co.uk:
Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas – because the obese saint is failing to set a “good example” for children.
The traditional children’s hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.
But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders – to the nearest gym – to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.
No, Virginia, there isn’t a Santa Claus. There’s just another elderly, type-2 diabetes prone, obese man with a sweet tooth.
Santa, who’s perfected a technology enabling him to fly all over the world at lightning speeds, is now being told to trade in his reindeer-powered sleigh and Ho Hos for a treadmill and the South Pole Diet.
Yes, with his jelly-shaking-belly, steady diet of whole – not skim – milk and high-carb cookies, and a team of reindeer to haul his ample derriere, it seems the jolly old elf is the latest target of the anti-obesity establishment.
In other news, Former Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona has now declared Santa Claus (a.k.a. Kris Kringle) to be public enemy no. 1. Santa, who’s wanted for 73 million counts of contributing to the obesity of a minor, is also being investigated for stockings of mass confection.
According to the anti-obesity police, Santa should be considered fat and contagious.