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No more Ho Hos for Santa

6th November 2007

No more Ho Hos for Santa

posted in Fat Bias, Pop Culture |
“He had a broad face and a round little belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself”

Clement Moore, “A Visit from St. Nicholas”

The jolly old elf is now being told to shape up.

According to ThisisLondon.co.uk:
Sexy Mr. Santa

Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas – because the obese saint is failing to set a “good example” for children.

The traditional children’s hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.

But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders – to the nearest gym – to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.

No, Virginia, there isn’t a Santa Claus. There’s just another elderly, type-2 diabetes prone, obese man with a sweet tooth.

Santa, who’s perfected a technology enabling him to fly all over the world at lightning speeds, is now being told to trade in his reindeer-powered sleigh and Ho Hos for a treadmill and the South Pole Diet.

Yes, with his jelly-shaking-belly, steady diet of whole – not skim – milk and high-carb cookies, and a team of reindeer to haul his ample derriere, it seems the jolly old elf is the latest target of the anti-obesity establishment.

In other news, Former Surgeon General Dr. Richard Carmona has now declared Santa Claus (a.k.a. Kris Kringle) to be public enemy no. 1. Santa, who’s wanted for 73 million counts of contributing to the obesity of a minor, is also being investigated for stockings of mass confection.

According to the anti-obesity police, Santa should be considered fat and contagious.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 12:57 am and is filed under Fat Bias, Pop Culture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

There are currently 22 responses to “No more Ho Hos for Santa”

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  1. 1 On November 6th, 2007, Ashley said:

    That’s ridiculous just as the Cookie Monster is no longer the cookie monster, but he’s the carrot monster or something like that.

  2. 2 On November 6th, 2007, iflurry said:

    Ashley, that’s terrible news. Sesame Street already had Captain Vegetable (who, disturbingly enough, discouraged the consumption of low-fat spaghetti in favor of his namesake). Cookie Monster represents indulgence and impulsivity through his comical compulsion to eat – while CV was a strong, dedicated figure who made an argument for his dietary guidlelines via gallant song.

    In short, Sesame Street is going about this all wrong.

    But I digress, this strange, mythical being (not even human!) who breaks into peoples’ houses, eats up their food, and makes his escape via and animal-powered vehicle… the worst thing you can say about him is that he’s FAT? Puh-leez.

  3. 3 On November 6th, 2007, FashionableNerd said:

    Geez. Next they’re gonna potty train Cupid and neuter the Easter Bunny. The holidays have barely gotten here and folks are taking the fun out of the season.

  4. 4 On November 6th, 2007, FashionableNerd said:

    And as an addendum: Fie upon these jerks!

  5. 5 On November 6th, 2007, nuckingfutz said:

    Bah! Humbug!!

    Even Scrooge was better than these people – and I’m talking BEFORE the three Christmas spirits visited him!

  6. 6 On November 6th, 2007, GroovyBabe said:

    Fantastic post!

  7. 7 On November 6th, 2007, Deniselle said:

    This is horrible! I remember an Ally McBeal episode where a department store Santa was fired for being too fat, and they replaced him with “Kris and Kristy Kringle” who were fit and sexy. Sadly, it seems to be coming true now.

    I really don’t get how children are going to be helped by putting up warning signs all around fat people and taking away all the positive fat characters, so there are only villains and disgusting blobs left. Of course, no one’s complaining about how Pixar’s new film is contributing to childhood anorexia. I wonder when they’re going to attack Winnie the Pooh.

  8. 8 On November 6th, 2007, sweet machine said:

    OMFG.

    Also, kids don’t want to BE Santa; they want to GET STUFF from Santa. It’s not like they’re all thinking I can’t wait till I grow up and grow a snow-white beard!

  9. 9 On November 6th, 2007, Fillyjonk said:

    We should probably ditch the beard too. It’s not aspirational.

    Also, I hate to tell the British shopping center folks this, but Santa does not eat the pies. Your parents eat the pies. I’m so sorry.

    In other news, Mickey Mouse has a round torso and several Muppets are looking pretty squishy. Sweetums’ BMI must be off the charts! Get on it, people!

  10. 10 On November 6th, 2007, Arielle said:

    It’s a freaking traditional figure from stories and folklore. People need to get a life. There is such a thing as taking something too far. It’s Santa for crying out loud!

    Arielle :)

  11. 11 On November 6th, 2007, Kate Harding said:

    Also, I hate to tell the British shopping center folks this, but Santa does not eat the pies. Your parents eat the pies. I

  12. 12 On November 6th, 2007, Rachel said:

    We always put out a carrot for

  13. 13 On November 6th, 2007, Baconsmom said:

    I hate to think of the charges we’ll face in my families – family of origin and my husband and daughter – because we always leave full fat eggnog for Santa. No namby-pamby milk in our houses!

    For goodness’ sake! Not everything a child sees needs to be a “role model”. And if everything does, well, why are there Bratz dolls still being sold? Are “pole models” acceptable, but a kind man who gives presents isn’t?

  14. 14 On November 6th, 2007, Quiwi said:

    Well gee, since everyone’s being all sizist against Santa, might as well drag ageism in the mix for added stupidity! Let’s do away with Santa’s white beard, and give him a more “youthful” solid black soul patch to go with his new sleek streamlined body! The morons have spoken!

  15. 15 On November 6th, 2007, buffpuff said:

    I loathe it when people use the phrase, “political correctness gone mad”, (as it tends to come from whingers carping about it no longer being acceptable to make fun out of minorities). However, in this instance, I feel the phrase is justified.

    Slimming down Santa belongs in the same box as scrapping Christmas in favour of “Winterval” in case it offends religious minorities. (I’m Jewish by the way and I say, Christmas? Bring it on!). All it does is agitate people who are looking for a legitimate excuse to put the hate on those religious minorities

  16. 16 On November 6th, 2007, spacedcowgirl said:

    Are

  17. 17 On November 6th, 2007, littlem said:

    Snarky Me says, “As if we didn’t have enough to be depressed about during the upcoming holiday season.”

    Sensitive, Sad, Introspective Me (really; the anger is reactive, yoga be damned; I swear to Jeebus, what is WRONG with these people — never mind, don’t tell me, I don’t want to think about it) says, “Gag me. Seriously.”

  18. 18 On November 7th, 2007, Jackie said:

    I was angry when they said they’d get rid of the C is for Cookies song, cause it promoted eating junk food. I think they brought the song back, although I don’t know, since I watch the reruns of Sesame Street on the Sprout channel.

    What are your views on the Cookie Monster trying to resist eating a Cookie, but inevitably not being able to resist tempation? Is it a fat people have no will-power statement? Or that it’s just plain wrong to seperate a Cookie Monster from their cookies? I think it’s the latter.

  19. 19 On November 7th, 2007, buffpuff said:

    Unfortunately, since fat people are demonized as junk scarfing idiots, the effect of that demonization overtime is to turn us into monsters. (Monsers, demons…not much in it really). I therefore suspect the cookie monster – or anything that craves and eats food with a dedicated passion

  20. 20 On November 7th, 2007, Rachel said:

    What are your views on the Cookie Monster trying to resist eating a Cookie, but inevitably not being able to resist tempation?

    Most people view it as a willpower issue, and since fat people are thought to be greedy gluttons, they’ve been stigmatized as also having no willpower. And what good is willpower if all you concentrate on is maintaining control?

    In a study at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, one group of students was allowed to snack from plates of cookies before attempting to solve a puzzle; another group was asked not to eat the cookies; a third worked in a cookieless room. None of them knew the puzzle was insolvable. Students who had to restrain themselves gave up after half as many tries as the other two groups.

  21. 21 On November 17th, 2007, Quiwi said:

    He sees what you’ve been eating,
    He knows you’re overweight!
    He knows your fat is bad, not good,
    So eat grapes for goodness sakes!
    Oh,you better eat flax, but never that pie!
    You better starve to a low BMI,
    ‘Cause Santa’s under 200 pounds!

  22. 22 On November 17th, 2007, Sannanina said:

    n a study at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, one group of students was allowed to snack from plates of cookies before attempting to solve a puzzle; another group was asked not to eat the cookies; a third worked in a cookieless room. None of them knew the puzzle was insolvable. Students who had to restrain themselves gave up after half as many tries as the other two groups.

    Well, the argument behind that is that restraining your food intake does indeed require self-control which is a limited resource – so if you use up your self-control by not eating the cookies than you will have less self-control to keep yourself going on a difficult cognitive task later on. However, self-control can be trained over time… so theoretically, restraining your food intake should make your level of self-control go up after in the long term – at least this has been true when people did other things that require self-control regularly, such as doing things with their non-dominant hand

    I find it much more interesting to ask if it is FUNCTIONAL to restrain your food intake. (Not everything that requires self-control is functional to do – holding your hand in ice-water for a longer time requires self-control and is used as a measure of self-control in psychological experiments, however, it is also an incredibly non-functional thing to do.) Why should our bodies suddenly have lost the ability to regulate food intake more or less automatically? They have done so for years and years. Maybe consciously controlling your food intake actually screws up the unconscious mechanisms that have worked just fine for many thousands of years (at least since human kind invented farming and therefore had most of the time enough or more than enough to eat). Also, why are we so obsessed with conscious self-control? It has its role, but self-control is pretty much about delaying gratification – and that is only functional if you allow yourself gratification at some point (or maybe also if your self-control leads to better outcomes for other peoples) and if the net gratification that is experienced becomes bigger through the delay.

    Oh, and then there is of course the issue that self-control is influenced by many outside factors. For example, being ostracized drains self-control resources. Not restraining your food intake consciously does not mean you will overeat – if you are in touch with your internal cues it should mean that you stop when you are truly satisfied. But even if fat people were lacking self-control and that lack of self-control would lead to overeating the lack of self-control still might have been caused by the discrimination that fat people experience on a day to day basis.

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