I agree completely, Kate. I’ve been following this whole thing with great interest, and what consistently amazes me–whether it’s with trolls, people who claim to speak for “the whole movement” [which, of course, happens frequently, and not only within the FA movement, as we know] or with Kell’s post–is a stunning lack of basic human empathy. I’m not overweight/fat, but I do have a disability that would be considered by many to be “invisible.” What disturbed me so much about Kell’s post was her apparent unwillingness to see Heidi’s circumstances as human circumstances, and she therefore felt entitled enough to decide what behaviors, choices and experiences are “acceptable” within the FA movement, and which are not. It saddens me that some people still have such incredibly self-centered attitudes, even within a movement that, somewhat ironically, is so focused upon improving the quality of life for all of those within it, and not just those who fit into a very specific or narrow set of criteria.

A philosopher (whose name escapes me at the moment) commented some years ago that it is nearly impossible for those who have never experienced severe health problems or disability (ies) to even conceptualize what life with such a condition would be like. The more I witness the aforementioned lack of empathy–both within certain sectors of the blogosphere and in real life (even in my daily life)–the more I am, unfortunately, inclined to agree with this hypothesis.

Also when people in these situations come to Fat Acceptance asking for support they do not need to be attacked!!

What better way is there to push them away from Fat Acceptance and leave them with only the Doctors to listen to.

To change people’s ideas and behavior takes two way communication and can never be accomplished in angry responses to the newcomer. You have to listen to them and respond.

I know from Ads that I have heard on the radio that WLS Doctors know how to market themselves and their Websites are very nice to the prospective WLS patients visiting there.

William

Oh, bravo!

HAES does not mean “accept having a binge eating disorder and serious depression, and don’t do anything about it, because if you do you might lose weight and screw you sideways with a phone book if you do.” What it means is that we don’t auto-assume that a person is in poor health solely because of their weight. We also don’t auto-assume that every person who is fat is so because they are “lazy gluttons,” as there are also plenty of “lazy gluttons” out there who are thinner. And it means that health issues — both mental and physical — are treated as they would be for a thinner person with the same problem, not with “lose weight and then maybe we’ll treat you.”

It’s all too easy to say to someone who’s suffering, “Your doctor is a rusty tool, go find another doctor who can see past your fat.” The fatter you are, the more remote a chance there is of that happening, especially if you don’t live in an “enlightened” San Francisco-esque city and have no way to get there for any kind of extended treatment. Stories like Heidi’s and Vesta’s are important to get out there because they point that out. People like this absolutely need to be given more choices besides, “Hand over your stomach and then we’ll talk.”

*applause*

attrice, I agree with this 100%. Discussing the particulars of Heidi’s situation is, as Brian also describes Kell’s post, “a distraction.”

I believe that absolutely is the case. It’s not about whether or not Heidi’s situation does or does not “really” warrant WLS. It’s about the fact that a woman in constant pain, a woman who is becoming increasingly trapped by her own body, a woman whose symptoms indicate something is clearly going on with her that is going unaddressed, is having all of her other health care options essentially withheld from her until she consents to WLS.

That being said, not everyone really is healthy at every size. I wasn’t. My highest weight was reached through spectacularly destructive eating and extreme lack of physical activity.

Looking at me now, do I seem like someone who is healthy and overweight? Probably. I eat well, I exercise regularly, and I easily outpace women half my size at the gym. But it’s not the whole picture.

Does the fact that I wasn’t healthy mean I was less deserving of acceptance? I don’t think so.

What I do see in the FA community is that, like Kate said, there tends to be an emphasis on physically active, healthy-eating people. Maybe us not quite as healthy-living ones should be a bit more verbal about our lifestyles too. The thing is, it easily feels like something to be ashamed of or hide, at least keep away from the blog. Just so the haters don’t see it and think “Typical fat person, living on burgers and candy, I knew it!” What Heidi’s blog made me realize is that the relative healthiness of the writer has no real impact on the strength of the message – it’s all about how personal, genuine and well written the blog is. Maybe this is going back to the issue of public versus personal, but it’s 4 am here, so I can’t bring myself to make a real point anymore. More tomorrow.

Asking these things about someone who isn’t here to answer the question herself… strikes me as either futile or slightly underhanded. Either way, not productive.

I guess what I’m asking is – with the same disease history and the same pain, but no plans to have WLS, would Heidi still have been a red flag to Kell? Was she, in reality, opposed to Heidi’s public suffering and the possibility that the readers who aren’t fat might assume this is the reality of obesity?